Refusing to use the potty.

[pigletpants]

My dd is 3 in February and despite numerous attempts we have made no progress on the potty training front. I know you shouldn't compare children, but MIL keeps commenting that dd's cousin is potty trained day and night at just turned 2. It has got me worried.

I have bought dd some new knickers that she helped to choose. She does like them and can take them down herself, but she has not wee-ed in the potty once. She will just wet herself.

We have given her lots of apple juice and bribed her with chocolate buttons, but it has not worked.

She usually refuses to even sit on the potty, or sits there for a second and then gets up.

She knows when she is doing a poo, but asks for a nappy.

We have tried stickers, reward charts etc. Nothing works!

Has your DD seen her cousin using the potty? Sometimes this helps as DD saw her friend doing it ans is making progress...

But maybe she just isn't ready?

We don't see her cousin a lot, but I did think this might help. I sit dd's little sister on the potty sometimes and she likes to copy her. But today she actually threw the potty when I suggested she sit on it.

If I leave her without a nappy on she holds her bowel movements in and only poos when I put a nappy on again, which suggests she does have control over her bowels, although she doesn't seem to know when she needs to wee (she sometimes sits on the potty after she wees).

I have her down for nursery for next Sept and they have said she has to be dry. I know Ofsted have changed the rules, so really the nursery can't do this, but I don't want her to be the only one in nappies.

have you tried going straight to the toilet instead? DD and DS rarely used the potty and preferred the big toilet.

We have a little loo seat for her, but that hasn't worked either

Is it worth it to keep trying or should I wait for a while?

Anyone got any ideas

i just posted about this on another thread, the other op had a slightly younger child, but you get the idea!

my dd wasnt potty trained until she was 3, i tried a few times before that and it was a nightmare, she had loads of accidents and ended up getting upset when she saw the potty or i mentioned the loo in any way. somebody gave me the best advice ever - wait for her to be ready!
We just left her in nappies, my mum thought i was mad (she'll be in nappies forever type thing) but a few weeks after her 3rd bday she started asking about the toilet, we chucked out the potty, got her a seat thing that goes on the loo (let her choose it herself) and a step and that was it. she is 3.7 now, so has been clean for about 6 months, she has not had 1 accident, we can go out without worrying about it, its brilliant.

I'd suggest you go back to basics and get over the potty / loo phobia first. As she is nearly 3 I'd suggest going straight to the loo with a trainer seat and not bother with the potty at all. Start by getting her to sit on the loo at 2 set times a day (say first thing in the morning and before her bath). Don't be angry about it, but be firm i.e. "you must now sit on the loo for a couple of mins before we go down to breakfast". Just sit it out and be firm if she initially refuses and keep encouraging her to do so (have her favourite books handy to read to her). Don't expect any results, just build it into her routine. Once she is regularly sitting on the loo quite happily at these two times then build in other regular loo trips (after all meals and nap if she still has one). It is generally easiest to use pull ups for this process, but treat them as the nappy that they are, not a pants substitute. This process is really quite boring as it takes up your time and you'll probably find you rarely get any 'results'. Talk about the loo at every nappy change and tip any poos out of the nappy and down the loo explaning that that's where they go. After a couple of weeks of this then move her into pants. For the week before you do so talk about it all the time, how exciting it's going to be to wear big girl pants etc. Clear your diary completely and stay at home / close to home for the first week. Expect the first 4 days or so to be a complete mess, try to watch her closely and whisk her off to the loo if a poo or wee is started in the hope you'll catch at least a little bit in the loo - then give much praise for that. This is what I would do anyway, hope that helps.