The most frustrating part of parenting yet.........

[jorjasmom]

My daughter turned 3 in October & she has no interest in using the toilet or a potty. At nursery she'll 'hold it in' for hours, only releasing when she wears a pull up to go home in. At home she'll hold on until she's writhing, knowing that all she needs to do is use the potty or toilet. She'll then go on the floor. I've tried bribing, books to read with her, DVD's for her to watch, like Bear's Potty Time; but she's just not grasping it. Doing all of this solo is hard & with all of my friend's children being out of nappies before the age of 3 I feel like such a crap mom. Any suggestions guys for us both to get over this huge hurdle???

Bless you, sorry I don't have a suggestion but
A you aren't a crap mum
B they all get there eventually

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Someone must be able to help jorjasmom??

you are not a crap mum, three is so small on the big scale of things, it will get better, sorry no advice

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Loads of 3 year olds aren't potty trained, don't beat yourself up about it.
Do nursery insist she is trained? The pull ups to go home in may be confusing her.

We had something similar and now it is a distant memory but I remember how maddening it was.

It sounds like you think she might be being awkward - this isn't how I saw it with my DD. She was nearly 3 when we started - did all the preparation/ build up - big girl's pants, no more nappies, lots of potty-themed books to look at, seeing friends of same age use potties etc etc and DD was really up for it. But she too just could not let go - she would be skipping from one leg to the other saying "I'm alright, I'm alright, I'm alright" when she clearly wasn't. This could go on for over an hour if I was with her all the time - it felt painful to see, like a difficult labour! Then, as soon as I went upstairs to get a book etc, she could finally let go and there would be a flood. I knew she couldn't help it as she was so keen to please; she's quite an anxious child and I genuinely think she was so keyed up about the whole thing, and trying to do it in the right place so as to get her blessed sticker, she couldn't relax the sphincter. I kind of know how she felt - I can never wee in the sea, no matter how desperate i am!

How long have you been trying this? We kept it going for 3 weeks in the summer (really needed to be able to stay in the garden), with her holding it in all day at nursery as well before a big flood on the floor, until I got concerned about the effect on her body. So, we went to see the HV, DD listened intently to the whole conversation and HV and I basically decided we needed to go back to nappies for a few weeks. ONE HOUR LATER, back at home, lo and behold, DD's first ever wee in the potty. I still can't quite belive it, but from then on, sticker charts a-go-go and mad amounts of praise later for every success, she is totally there. We still get called in to see every poo and wee. But now she really wants to go nappy-free at night-time, hence I'm back here looking for tips! I also can't get her off the potty and onto the loo, but at least she's not wetting herself.
Good luck - it kind of takes over your life for a bit doesn't it.

Oh we were exactly the same. We finally have wee success over Xmas and dd just turned 3.5. But now we have poo problems ....

I totally despaired with the holding on. OTOH I got a bit tough about the accidents i.e. standing next to potty and weeing on floor, but OTOH I also tried to expalona over and over offer to help. After 3 more dreadful days we had a long bedtime chat. I said I know mummy and daddy are grumpy about this but we will try not to be so grumpy and please could you try to wee in the potty - and mummy loves you whether youwee in the potty or not. Next day - the wee success started. I think the timing for that speech was just right. We had been trying for 6 months and it was driving me demented and really spoiling our relationship.

Now if we could just get her to let go of the poo.... (I am obsessed with poo these days...).