I think i have ruined my daughters' lives

[GodzillasNewYearsBumcheek]

By making them not fit in at school. Apparently they only get on with a very small amount of people in their school (which is quite a large school with several classes per year). The reason? They don't swear every few words and they don't smoke. the only other group of people there are in the school are what my two call the 'air-heads' because they are solely interested in clothes/make-up, or pretend to be to fit in.

i seem to have ruined my daughters lives by well-meaningly teaching them that swearing is not necessary, and teaching them to be individuals and not to follow the crowd.

Does anyone else have this problem? The reason i see it as a problem is because of the bullying that goes with it.

Glad to hear so much positivity on behalf of the Stubbornians! I do wish people would stop implying that i don't think my children swear, and that i am solely responsible for them being 'nice kids'. I have however had some input in that i have actively encouraged them to be individuals, and not just simply follow the crowd.

It sounds like you've had loads of input and made a real difference. What I meant was, if they choose to continue to follow your example, that is now because they choose to do so, because they like being that way.

It was meant to be a back-handed compliment, actually ...

I haven't had time to read the whole thread but surely its the parents who don't discourage their kids from smoking and drinking who are more likely to be ruining their lives?

I was like this at school and then had the most fantastic time at uni and ever since. I now have loads of friends and a wonderful DH and DS.

I think it sounds like you have given them the character to deal with life very well and the strength to recognise airheads and sheep when they meet them.

MIFLAW, soz, i am good at missing the point!

I really ought to point out now that i was intending to be overly dramatic when i said i had ruined my daughters lives.

But they are in for a crappy few years at school by the sound of it

Oh dont worry I have totally ruined my DDs life because she is the only child in the whole world without a TV in her room, or allowed to stay out until she feels like coming in, or allowed to watch whatever she wants on tv or internet and I am the only parent who tells her DD off for swearing. She is 13. I have ruined her life but nevermind

I actually read a great book about teenagers and it said about them only living for the here and now and they dont think about the future so I let her go on a dreaded sleepover which resulted in her texting a total stranger whom they met on the internet.
I decided to stick with ruining her life, its safer!

Cheers MrsW! That was more the tone i was expecting!

in that case I have also ruined my DD's lives.......they are the same......not much swearing, and no smoking.

no bad thing IMO......feel proud!

I'm with MrsW and am happy to ruin their lives! I am also the only parent who doesn't allow TVs in bedrooms etc.
I never felt the need to follow the crowd, and so far have got DSs who don't feel the need to follow the crowd-they still have plenty of friends.
We don't swear at home, I can't say whether or not they do at school but they never swear in front of me.
They don't smoke-I hope they are never stupid enough to-they are keener on keeping fit and sport.
There is never any need to follow the herd, especially if they are not very inspiring. You are setting them up for life-keep it up!!

Yay!

Must remember to add 'and several people on Mumsnet think you are doing great' into our next discussion over the dinner table (or maybe not)!

cory do you have some sort of pyschology traaining? as everytime i read your posts i always think wow this lady knows so much about the way humans think.

Oh bless you, songbird, noone's ever said that of me before; that's ever so kind of you, but totally undeserved

my only professional training is in how to teach people how the pluperfect subjunctive works in Latin- which is not what you might call a highly marketable skill

well you must have alot of insight into life then
i have know idea what "pluperfect subjunctive works in Latin" is but i doubt i'd understand

becuase you don't follow the herd, doesn't mean you have to allow people to push you around.

i think its ok to tell your daughters that you will not think ill of them if they stick up for themselves, that you will believe their judgement of a situation and back them up.

My mother used to spoud " THEY DO IT BECUASE THEY ARE JEALOUS, IGNORE THEM"

i tell my daughter to stand her ground, i trust her, i support her.

the social aspect of school is a huge influence on their lives - was on all of our lives.

I wouldn't tolerate my dd being bullied and geared her up to be a person that won't.

that doesn't mean she swears or smokes.

it doesn't mean she sports the latest fashions.

but shes has a strong spirit.

the first year is a year of pecking orders - who will be top dog?

who is the runt that they will laugh at for FIVE years?

Spirit and self belief!