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Parenting

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Original poster

Don't know what else to try - help/support please!

23 replies

pugingenius · 07/01/2009 18:51

Please help, or at least share your honest thoughts on my situation.

Two dc - ds (6), has really been no trouble at all, and is very kind, gentle, loving.

DD (4) is totally different - loving and kind but very feisty, strong willed and independent. We have running battles...

The main one at the moment is over holding hands when beside or crossing a road - she jsut won't do it, and has refused since she started walking. I have tried everything - coaxing, explaining dangers, removing privileges, etc. Nothing works and time and time again I am left tearing after her as she shoots headlong towards the road. I have even tried reins! With her Dada, she holds hands without being asked! What am I doing wrong?

Please help!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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scrooged · 07/01/2009 18:53

Have you tried the 'you either walk with me and hold my hand or we go home trick?' You do have to do it though, which is annoying if you are going somewhere special.

CarGirl · 07/01/2009 18:54

I threatened mine with the buggy, either my rules or strapped in the buggy.

Original poster

pugingenius · 07/01/2009 18:56

Yes, I have, and it results in her screaming 'No, don't want to go home!' and then holding my hand for the minimum time possible.

Trouble is, she is now doing it on the way home from school so I told her tonight she has to decide whether to hold my hand or not go to school - she says she's thinking about it

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Original poster

pugingenius · 07/01/2009 18:56

We sold our buggies

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Barmymummy · 07/01/2009 18:58

Wrist strap! I purchased one for my very reluctant 3.5 year old DS and that seems to have done the trick lol!! Hold my hand or wear the STRAP!!

scrooged · 07/01/2009 18:59

What does she like to do when she gets home? Tell her there will be no tv/no afterschool treat etc.
There's always reverse psychology 'big girls hold their mummy's hand'. Don't say anything, let her think about it. ds used to be like this. I told him that I liked holding his hand as it kept mine warm. He's a mummy's boy so this worked well.

Original poster

pugingenius · 07/01/2009 19:00

Might be worth a try, BarmyMummy...

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Original poster

pugingenius · 07/01/2009 19:01

x post with scrooged - she has forfeited lots of treats over the last 2 years because of this but she still does it

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CarGirl · 07/01/2009 19:05

ask on freecyle for a buggy, unless you think she'd rather be in a buggy.......its quite handy for dumping all the school tuff on.

I think in part it's because she wants to big like her brother?

Original poster

pugingenius · 07/01/2009 19:09

I think she would hate to be in a buggy, but even if I had one I am not sure the threat of one would work, at least not for more than a day or so.

Her brother holds my hand without any problem.

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CarGirl · 07/01/2009 19:10

yes but if you take it with you and carry it through she will get the message surely! Actually it took about a year with my youngest.

Original poster

pugingenius · 07/01/2009 19:11

A year of using the buggy?

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CarGirl · 07/01/2009 19:15

She was 2 at the time, but a year of pushing it around empty on the school run and occasionally having to follow through since the age of 3 she ALWAYS stops at the road side in good time, no longer runs off on her own and will do as she's told when walking.

I now have pushchairs that are empty and a scooter girl

Original poster

pugingenius · 07/01/2009 19:19

My DD is 4 though - and if it were only the hand holding that would be one thing, but she really does just totally ignore what I ask her to do in lots of other ways.

Sorry if I am sounding very negative but it has really worn me down. I even showed her a cemetery and explained about dying but she found it really interesting

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robinia · 07/01/2009 19:22

When they were young I always held little ones' wrists as I felt a hand hold wasn't secure enough. Once older, graduated to a hand hold. So I would hold your dd's wrist. She can't pull away if you are firm. I still do this occasionally with ds (age 7) when he is misbehaving on the walk home from school. He hates it but it soon sorts him out.

CarGirl · 07/01/2009 19:29

It sounds like a battle of wins and unfortunately this is one you need to win. I have kept a buggy precisely for this threat and she knows it! My 4th is sooooooooo much more testing than any of the others.

Original poster

pugingenius · 07/01/2009 19:35

Your 4th - wow, cargirl!

I have managed to wrestle an old buggy down from the attic - dd has gone berserk, but I'm not holding out much hope that it will work...

Robinia - if I try to hold her, by the wrist, hand, whatever, she just screams and throws herself on the ground.

It is totally a battle of wills, I agree. I have tried every tactic I know but to no avail.

Update- she was so upset at seeing the buggy she has run into ds's room and kicked him

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Acinonyx · 07/01/2009 19:36

I only insist dd (3.5) holds my hand to actually cross the road. Otherwise as long as she is very close on the inside away from the road I don't insist. We got rid of the buggy too.

Original poster

pugingenius · 07/01/2009 19:39

If I'm not holding her hand (or trying to) she just runs...

She has had time out (in the buggy) and has now gone to bed.

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CarGirl · 07/01/2009 19:41

Well the threat of the buggy could work, but be prepared for her to really push the boundaries over it - I mean full out tantrum as you wrestle her into it but you will prevail.

My 4th is the best contraceptive ever, if she had been my first she would be an only. She is delightful, bright, funny, loving, a very easy baby but she is 4 times harder than the other 3 put together!

compo · 07/01/2009 19:46

what about threats?
my 4 yr old ds adores his teacher so if he misbehaves on the way to school I tell him I'll tell his teacher. Seems to work
Could replace teacher with special someone like grandad, dad etc

Original poster

pugingenius · 07/01/2009 21:07

Thanks, compo - yes, have tried threatening to tell teacher/headteacher/santa, all sorts.

Very galling that she does it for Dada. At dinner tonight she made a point of telling me Dada is her favourite and giving him a big cuddle. I understand what she is doing and (fortunately) don't mind her preferring him, as I wasn't very close to my father and so I have encouraged her to have a close relationship with hers. That said, it still hurts when I am at a very low ebb, like today

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CarGirl · 07/01/2009 22:11

don't feel low, it's nothing you're doing wrong she's just testing boundaries to the extreme.

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