Found a note from DS1 this evening saying "mummy and daddy don't want me anymore".......:-(

[DrZeus]

Found a handwritten note in DS1's bedroom this evening at bedtime. He's just turned 7. I'm and . Had a chat with him and straightened out a few things. We've been clashing towards the end of the holidays. He's got a habit of back chat and answering back.

I'm feeling rather shaken up and wonder how he feels and what I can do to make things better.

The best thing you can do is talk to him about it, as you have done and keep talking to him about it - making clear to him that you are not angry about it.

Ask him why or if he can't explain what makes him feel like you don't love him. Tell him it's because you need to understand because you need to know in order to change your behaviour.

BUt you also need to gently point out that you are the parent and that sometimes yuo have to make decisions that seem harsh but are for the best, but that you will explain them to him if he asks.

Could you and his dad promise to each spend more one on one time with him - that can play a big part in strengthening relationships and building self esteem.

I bet though that the tiredness and excitment of christmas have played their part.

I hope this all turns out ok.

I'm sure he'll be ok.

When I was a small child I was often to be found sitting on the step singing "I'm nobody's child" after being told I couldn't have/ do something I wanted I loved my folks to bits though, and knew that they loved me- it was a protest more than anything.

My mum is looking down and sniggering, now that I have my own intractable beautiful and strong-willed children!

Oh poor you, that must have been heartrending. BUT it's a good thing in a way, because it helped you see how he was feeling. The world is very black and white when you are seven. You are doing the right thing by talking to him and listening.

My Ds said to me during the Christmas break 'You're not very nice to me are you' OUCH! Can't recall why he thought that though. Sad, very sad that he thought/thinks that way though.

my DD (also 7) frequently tells me I am not her mother..her real mother is somewhere else. She also gets out of bed to look out of the window and murmur similar thoughts to herself. Sometimes she is being stroppy, and sometimes it is more like a 'story' she is telling. i think it is an age at which to test the idea.

Hmm. I have a 7-year-old too.

Her latest little gem (right in front of dh's parents, his sister & her husband on Christmas day) was "Don't yell at me... just because you love him (her 4-year-old brother!) more than me!!"

She & I clash like symbols if we're alone for any length of time. She is extremely confident.. (to the point of arrogance at times). I find this hard to take as I was always quite meek & never would've answered my mother back (still wouldn't!)

She is terribly cruel to me at times. In a very hurtful way she would say I looked like 'Nanny McPhee' or the witch in sleeping beauty. Recently we went to see 'The tale of desperaux' in the cinema & when she was asked to go to bed that night she yelled at me 'you look like the fat girl who cleaned for the princess...and I am the princess!" (I never know how to react... seriously, I am crap!)

I have found though that sometimes just cuddling or patting her hair is all it takes when she's in a 'mood'.

Do you know what set this off though? And is it the first time you have had any indication of him feeling unloved or unwanted? I have heard my dd sob 'I don't love them, they don't love me' when she has been send to another room I always interrupt her at that point & say "I do love you, I just don't love the way you behave/the way you spoke to me/the nasty face you pulled when you thought I wasn't looking etc....

Ds is 4 & is a wee angel. He never says rude things, in fact he says I am beautiful, the most beautifullest mammy in the world....

It's so damned hard... I hate the thougth of the teen years.

(Anyway, this isn't all about me so I'm sorry for the long moaning post!)

Ahem Cymbals

Thanks for the replies and support. I had a chat with him at bedtime and he got quite upset. I focussed on the behaviour rather than the person IYSWIM. I think we sorted it out although he was very tired.

I think it's a combination of tiredness, first day back at school, Christmas, birthday etc etc.

I'll keep a close eye on him this week. DS2 (5) is the angel at the moment and knows just what to say!

Ah, parenting - it's never easy!