Need help with my DS (age 11)

[lulu41]

We have always had our differences and clashed more than he does with DP but in the last few months he appears to have become even stroppier is this a pre-teen thing how do other cope with resorting to screaming matches threats etc etc

I want him to feel loved and respected but he treats me so disrespectfully at times I am finding it really hard to deal with it in a calm manner.

I would love to hear from mums who are going through same or have gotten past this point I suspect its going to get worse rather than better but would like to hear from you all

I have a ds aged just 12. I find the 'heat of the moment' is not usually a good time to try and see eye t eye - he's usually completely un co-operative and 'on one'!!

I do however, sit down with him later and talk over what happened, why he was angry or why he felt he could talk to me in that way etc etc.

He usually appreciates this approach and I think we sort things out this way - sometimes he ends up sobbing and telling me he feels so angry inside and doesn't know why. I've talked to him re hormones etc and he realises changes are taking place in his body and head.

I will always try not to shout at him as this def makes him worse and winds the situation up. As for disrespect, don't even respond to any demands or comments unless they are abusive - then take away mobile phone, weekly allowance or ground him (works a treat!!). Good luck

bumping you up ....

thanks Mummyofboys

bump please

I haven't got any advice for you I'm afraid, but I do have a DS1 of 11, who some days is so lovely and helpful and polite etc (all the things he was brought up to be) and then some days he can be utterly hateful, spiteful to his brothers and it makes me and because I just don't want to look at him (because I don't know how to deal with it either). I think he is worse with me because I am with him more (DH works long, strange hours, and also is scarier when he's cross)
DS1 is a very sensitive boy and worries a lot. He was bullied at primary school, but he ended up having "anger management" sessions and being referred to CAHMS because (as the school did nothing except seem to reward to the bully by withdrawing DS1 from playtimes etc) he completely lost it one day and did a lot of shouting and I think he kicked someone (so nothing major). (The school eventually admitted they had overreacted with the handling of the situation, but it was within a couple of months of DS3 being born so I cried during the meeting and agreed to anything, rather than sticking up for DS as I should have). He is being bullied again now at secondary, but am not messing about this time and am on to the school already.

I am hoping it is an age thing and he will "grow into his emotions".

Sorry I am no help, but you are not alone.

hi happynewria - sounds like you have been through the mill and your situation sounds sort of similar to mine - my dp is not around as much as me and is way way scarier than I am - so I do in effect try not to be scarey too - think there should not be two bad cops!! Think it is an age thing puberty etc but do you know what some days I just wish both my dcs were all grown up and I could just relax a little and

hey lulu. I wish mine were little again. DS1 was an adorable baby and toddler.
we'll get there!
there seem to be lots of books to be had. I haven't read any but I've seen a few recommended on here.

hiya Happy I know what you are saying - my dd is 5 but she is already a nightmare so perhaps its my parenting - I loved the baby/toddler bit too - such bloody hard work now !! - Have a good weekend