How much choice do you give your children about food/play ect?

[CharleeinChains]

I am thinking i am doing it worng and giving them to much choice or something! I always thought it was good for kids to have a certain amount of choice on what the eat/drink and play with or wear ect so at meal times i say 'ds do you want a or b for dinner?' and everymeal time i either get 'don't want none of those' or he will pick one then argue about it when i make it, same goes for toys/clothes/drinks.

Its a constant thing and a real battle and i am thinking about eliminating the choice from him and just serving whatever i want and let ds get on with it but im not sure if thats wrong as he is only 4? I guess i would still get arguments but tbh both my boys are walking all over mena drunning riot so i need to toughen up on them!

How much choice so you give your children in the same scenarios?

Advice please.

toys and clothes - both available in child's reach so child can freely choose. Can't imagine it otherwise. Really messy craft-y things are also in reach but in a cupboard where Id tend to see them being got out and be able to assist where necessary. Can't imagine why I would want to control either a child's clothing choices or their playing ones (NB buzz saws and things not kept in places where child would even know they existed, so there's never any need for "no! don't touch that!")

food - all entirely the child's choice. If child changes their mind, well that's what freezers, fridges and microwaves are for We often all eat different things or are hungry at different times. NBD (no big deal). All together sit down family meals with everyone eating the same food are really fun! But they dont happen every day.

I can imagine why I would on occasion want to control all those things: budget!

Best frock not used for rolling in the mud or messy crafts, because I couldn't afford to buy another one. Old clothes to be used for messy activities and occasions where nobody sees you, so that you can keep a limited number of smart, whole clothes for occasions when they matter.

Messy crafts to be done when I had the energy to deal with the fall-out.

And separate meals for 4 family members is a good deal less economical and more wasteful than one stew for the whole of the family.

IMO a healthy child will not come to any harm through having a certain amount of restriction placed on them out of consideration of the family budget or indeed of family members.

This is not to say that I am a control freak that wants to govern every aspect of their play. But they do need to understand that I cannot be at their beck and call every minute that I am home. And as they grow older, they are expected to help out when we need it.

I say it about toys otherwise in the space of 10 minutes the contents of thier room will be scattered far across the house so i usually say 'what do you want to play with?' then let them pick 1-2 things but again as soon as they have those things ds starts again moaning that he wanted something else.

He wont get his own clothes, he is really lazt but whatever i get for him he moans that he doesn't wan that jumper/shirt ect.

toys/clothes/games - is his choice as long as it is reasonable.

Food/drink - he sometimes gets a choice of a or b but other times he gets presented with it. If he doesn't want it then he gets nothing.

Ds likes to argue about everything. TBH unless it's a particularly relevant or good argument I tend to ignore and try not to get drawn in. Ds is also 4 and I find him very argumentative about everything. I/we are clamping down on it at moment cos is it getting ridiculous - especially the talking back. It drives me mental. I think it might be a 4yo thing.

Ds makes a mess with toys - but he has to clear it all up in evening. So he spends 10-30 mins putting everything away and helping with hoovering etc.

If he gets his own clothes he can choose them (within reason) if he doesn't then I choose them. But this has never been a big problem in our house as ds not that bothered about clothes.

I think it is ok to let them get lots of things out because new games can be invented when Lego spaceship meets baby doll and figer puppets meet dinosaurs. It is also satisfying to cover the entire livingroom floor with puzzles.

However I do insist on playdough going away before paints come out. One board game is put away before another comes out so the pieces don't get mixed up.

Your DS is 4, he probably is a bit overwhelmed by the choice for food.

I usually decide on the main course but they can choose between yoghurt or fruit for dessert.

I decide on meals when I shop for them but most definitely take account of the children's preferences. If we are having something one of the children really dislikes, I will offer that child an alternative from the fridge (eg cheese or ham if we are having shellfish).

DD (4) usually decides whether she wants to wear a dress or skirt or trousers, but beyond that she generally lets me pick out what she is going to wear. If she wants to wear something in particular, that is usually OK by me.

She plays with exactly what she wants.

Thanks for your replys.

I'm just getting fed up with the constant arguing. Its like just now when ds asked for a drink.

ME 'ok ds would you like water or juice?'
DS 'MIlkshake'
ME 'No sweetheart mummy doesn't have enough milk, we have water or juice'

Cue a few mins of shouting and screaming, i busied my slef with something in the kitchen untill he stopped and asked again for a drink, he said he wanted juice sp i get juice and again i get........

'But i want waaaaattteeerrrr!'

It is with everything and anything he seems to look for things to moan about!

ds is 4 and gets no choice re food - partly because we have no budget for that kind of thing, mainly because he will reject everything if it is offered, but will (mostly) eat his dinner if it's just presented. Also because it's good practice for eating at other people's houses, school etc!

Like BA I will give him something separate if we're eating something I know he doesn't like, but again it's not a choice, he just gets an alternative.

Playing - he can play with what he likes, but if he's in a 'don'wanna' kind of mood then I just say 'Fight!' or 'Race!' or 'Right we're off to the park' as it usually means he needs some sort of physical shakeup.

Anna are you a new poster or an old one with a new name?

For drinks, I would refuse to get something else until the first one had been drunk.

Just to clarify with the drink thig, i don't get him a new one if i have made something, the same with food i can't stand waste, its just the argument about it, i think i will try just getting rid of the choice on food and drink and presenting him with whatever i happen to be making to see if it makes a difference.

No choice on food-other than 'take it or leave it'.
Free choice on clothes unless it is a problem area and then a choice of 2 things.
Play free choice.

To be honest, I think the changing mind and always wanting something that hasn't been offered is a pretty typical 3-4 year old thing, regardless of whether you offer choices or not. I don't know what purpose it serves - maybe trying to find out how much control they have over their world?

But if it's driving you nuts, I would try moving towards just providing food and not getting into too much discussion.

Play - I just kind of let them get on with it, unless they are feeling really uninspired. But they never want to do what I suggest anyway.

OSOTC - name changer . New year, new name.

DS gets a choice on food unless we are all having something I know he likes. If we are having something, he doesnt eat he gets a choice.

Clothes - he likes to choose but is not fussed if I just pick something.

Toys - whatever he likes unless messy play, he knows to ask for a mat etc first.