My dd is rude and disrespectful please help!!!

[honeybunmum]

I want everyone to say that this is normal and I'm doing the right things etc...I'll explain:
My DD is 4.5 and mostly a very good girl. In public and at school her behaviour and character are wonderful but at home, mainly when she is tired admittedly, she is rude, disrespectful and sometimes aggressive to me, DH and DD2. She loves DS who is 7months. All I seem to hear is her bossing me around like her slave and if I say no, I get "shut up" , "you stupid bint" (not sure where that came from), fingers in ears, tongue sticking out, stamping feet like an angry bull etc. She is very angry at the moment and flies off the handle at everything. Quite frankly I can't wait for her to go back to school.
She gets lots of positive attention, I rarely lose my temper but I do act as firmly as I can, issuing her with a threat of naughty room and then following it through. I am consistent although she really walks over DH as he rarely follows through on a threat.
I am at my wits end and am starting to feel like she is pushing me so far that I may lose it and lash out at her (which I don't do and don't approve of)
Can anyone offer any advice?

Oh yes, I do see that, don't worry. But good that you are looking for other ways to address the problem too.

A good thing to say is 'in five minutes I'm going to stop doing this jigsaw' etc. I had a demanding oldest and two younger ones too. Is draining. Hope HTT helps - and it will get better, honest.

Hi laundrylover, i'll check that one out too, I read her columns in the T2 (times) and think she's pretty good. My DH doesn't trust my parenting knowledge but he thinks if 'Tanya' says it it must be true!! Sorry to hear you are having it tough too, I hope reducing the meds is the right thing for you and you and you have got lots of support. xxx

I'm going to try and persuade DP to read Tanya's book too...he has come on a parenting course with me already but it's a bit more of a 'facilitated weekly chat thing' than we hoped.

I had to time DD1 out at my parents today as my mum refused to ignore her rude behaviour. We had been doing much better and I was upset that it escalated so much.

Planning a nice, family day out tomorrow and an early night to ease us all back into school, playgroup and work.

could anyone tell me if" unconditional parenting" or htt covers for teenagers at all?
have hit period of confrontation and[both] wanting last word etcetcwith teenage dd andif i ask her to speak politely etc she takes from that that i'm not listening /don't care~ahundredtimes, any suggestions?

DS (4yo) has a standard line: "Shut up you fat face eedit!"
Admittedly, he reserves this line for his siblings, never would say it to adults.
I have just stuck him on the stairs everytime he said it, until he would apologise, but that leads to extended hysterics .

SO... I am trying a sweeties incentive scheme as of today, he gets 5 tiny sweets at end of day, but one sweet deducted for each time he makes rude comments.

Sure try everything else others have mentioned, but keep my idea in mind if all else fails!

resolutions- I will let you know once I get the books through if no one answers your question in the meantime. Don't they (whoever they are) say that you have to treat teenagers the same as toddlers as they go through similar brain changes??

IIjkk- LOL, have now decide my DD is a perfect angel and may hand this thread over to you!! I like the bribery way of doing things as I've always had some success with that but I don't think there are enough sweets in the world for my DD.

100x - do you feel that the "How to talk" should be adopted by all members of the family? My mum looks after my dds a couple of days a week.

thanks honey
that could be the problem!
love pre school age
am thinking behaviour"should" be good by 15 [and polite] and can't get beyond that sometimes

thanks,have ordered it tho was a bit weird on amazon just went thru with a couple of clicks prob ordered about 4 copies lol.
actually,reading this thread about los,have been selfless sahm for no of years now and notice parenting of los more structured and strict now with more boundaries.
think its better that way cos if they have their own way too much can be difficult later on [aka teenage years]

Thanks 100x - I've been saying for ages that I'll buy it.

Resolution - I did a REALLY stoopid thing! I linked you to Amazon on my account page. Doh. So if you did one buy click it might have come through on my account? There was one copy on my account, which I cancelled - though this could have been me testing.

Anyway, check your account and see if you have indeed ordered it! If not, try again.

Sorry. Was daft of me.

100x
hi,i just checked and a copy is there on my open/recent orders list,so i think is ok.
i was worried i had ordered more than once as it went thru v quickly.
when i first went on the page there was a e mail address on it which i thought was my ds's which i immediately deleted and typed my own in?maybe it was yours
anyway is ok i think and thanks againxx

could have written your original post - my dd now 5.5 is a nightmare - great at school etc but at home mostly horrible most of the time. She seems to actively dislike her brother who is 11 - OK big age gap - and trys at every opportunity to get him into trouble - will stomp around and shout and pout for ages when she doesnt get her way or says that nobody likes her or loves her - its wearing me down and not sure what to do about it - coming to the conclusion I am a crap parent - having problems with my ds too but think that being down to hormones changing etc etc - worn out by it all

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My twin boys aged 6 are exactly the same-described by the Head as "golden" at school, but can be a real strain at home. I try and tell myself that I must have done something right if they are so good at school surely but sometimes feel like such a failure. If they know how to behave at school,what happens when they get home?