Do you think rushing a child to toilet train can make the whole process take longer and be more stressful?

[SunshinePine]

I know a few parents who have been determined that their child should be dry by age 2, they started trying at about 22 months (maybe later) but when the child clearly wasn't ready.
Six months on they are still going and have made little progress, I think it's because when they started the little one had no chance but was just changed every time they had an accident and encouraged to use the potty, I think this must only stress the child and when it comes to the age they might be ready there is no place to start from and they just carry on as before.

I'm not saying that my children were the average difficulty to potty train but I started when they showed an interest in the potty, a dislike of the nappy and could hold it for a bit (about 2 1/4 to 2 1/2) and it was done within a week.

Would anyone like to say how they did it and how well it went?

Yes, I waited until my dd said no more nappies (we had been talking about pants and reading books etc). And she did it in one week at 26 months.

My mum was rather unapproving of leaving it so late (see scarlet's post) and went on and on about me being 'dry' by 18 months. But she was boiling cloth nappies for two children then - which I suspect motivated her to trail me around with a potty for the next year.

I agree scarlettlitterbug.

50 years ago in Belgium (where I live) the average age for a children to be potty trained was 15 months. Mothers who had to hand wash washable nappies had a huge incentive to get their children dry.

Whereas manufacturers of disposible nappies have a huge incentive to get parents to believe that their children will not be ready to be potty trained until age 3/4 years or whatever.

sorry scarlettlilybug.

belgo - yours were probably ready at 23 and 19 months in which case there was nothing wrong, just some parents feel their child has to be trained at this age and start regardless.

DD1 started at just turned 2 at her insistence and oh what a nightmare, it took a year for her to be reliably dry, I do believe she has a weak bladder as she goes to the toilet far more than any other child I know.

DD2 I left until she was 2.8y as I was pregnant and had SPD then a new baby, oh what a difference, dry in a week no accidents, used the potty for about 3 weeks then straight onto big toilet, taking herself off and doing it all by herself without telling me.

I found it helped to consider potty training as just another stage of development. I read somewhere that accidents were perfectly normal, just as normal as falling over is when a baby starts learning how to walk.

Apart from that I read no books on potty training.

It also helped that I have no carpet in my house so any accidents were very easily cleaned up, and that makes potty training stress free.

Of course some children genuinely aren't ready until age 3/4 years, but I do suspect many children are ready before their parents realise.

well if they're ready before the parents actually try usually they'll either

a) have already indicated to the parent that they need a wee etc

b) be incredibly easy to train

agree it is when a child is ready.
Ds was 2.3yrs and dry within a week
dd1 was week after her 2nd birthday and dry day and night straight away
DD2 is 2 next week and is generally dry and has been for about 5mths but has occasional accidents..more so when she is completely engrossed in play

Forcing a child to do anything is never a good idea. Being baby led, you can start at any age. We started at 14 months, DS was reliable by 18 months. Still in nappies at night, but often has dry nights. Why start early?

• saves nappies = greener, whether you're using cloth or disposable
• empowers your child/gives them some control at an age they typically have none
• one-on-one time on potty/toilet is very rewarding for parent and child
• stress free as there are no "deadlines" and you don't go straight to pants so no accidents unless you're in the mood for them

Would I train so early again? Yes, definitely. Practically I can see how having two might make it more difficult to spend the time reading books on the loo waiting for a poo or a wee when the little one has asked to use the loo. In fact, I'm more likely to start earlier.

IMO the modern-day "signs of readiness" are signs that the parent doesn't have to be involved in the process, not signs that the child is ready to be out of nappies. I believe it's about the PARENTS being ready. For us, the signs were:

• no more bf/peanut butter-like poo (which makes a huge mess in undies)
• following short instructions
• processing sequences.

Would add to list of reasons to start young, that some seem to suffer with sore bottoms much more than others. Agree with Ches that it often seems to be about readiness of parents. I often hear comments such as "We're going to potty train at Christmas cos I've got two weeks off work". I'm not criticizing that - that's life, just pointing out that this is not baby led, just a sign of the times.

Parents and in-laws (and many from the older generations) had their children reliably trained from 12/18 months. I know sometimes they talk crap but in this case I believe them - I've even seen a baby book so it's not necessarily their memories playing tricks. Clearly they had much more motivation to get their lo's dry but nevertheless they were doing it.

suddenly deciding to potty train when you've never been putting you child regularly on a potty to me seems like madness - like ches we started ds1 on potty about 10 months, at 20 months he was in pants (ds2 was 6 wks old so he definitley decided to train not me!) I wouldn't have described him at 'trained' till 2yrs as I took him to loo at reg times and he obvioulsy had more accidents than say a child who is more self aware at 3 yrs but I only had one child in nappies and (although me going back to work means he's had some upset and new childcare so is having one accident a day) he is mostly reliable whilst mums of children similar age are still scrapping poo off their childrens bums, it was what I wanted to do but I think only works if you want to do it and make it stress free - you have to both/all be ready

musthave - I think the motivation for my parents generation 25 yrs ago was disposables were crap, we had no central heating or tumble dryer so getting terry nappies dry in the winter was a nightmare! as disposables have got better children are less uncomfortable and parents less concerned about training early - I also think its harder to potty train when working, my mum said being a sahm menat when she decided to train she had more time to deadicate to it and was 'in control'

agree that you can train early but is probably a lot easier if they have been going on potty for several months. My friend wanted to start training her dd who is 18 months, partly because my dd is same age and trained. What she didn't fully realise is that my dd has been on potty since 5 months old so it is not an 'event', rather a process. I am not saying this to blow my own trumpet, just to say that some children are born with stronger bladders, and that, coupled with high motivation from both sides can make it pretty stress-free. I genuinely cannot imagine scraping poo from bottom of 3 year child! Get a potty and give it a go, you may surprise yourselves! x

I haven´t read all the posts but just to jump in with my own (limited) experience. I have put ds on the potty for poos since he was 5mths old. I know plenty of people have no doubt judged me/been horrified by this and drawn all kinds of conclusions as to my ´competitiveness´. However. I did it purely because it was always blatantly obvious when he was about to poo by the faces he was making, I figured it was easier for him to go in the toilet, both in terms of my laundry load (we use washables) and for him it was obviously easier and more comfortable to poo in a sitting position vs lying down. As you would expect. And no poo smeared bum to clean up, or sitting in it while waiting to be changed. Win win situation for all of us.

He has only rarely had pooey nappies since he was about 10mths old and usually when he´s unwell. He´s not punished or admonished if it happens, I just deal with it as a normal nappy change, it´s not a big deal.

A couple of months ago (at 18mo) I taught him the sign for toilet so he could tell me that way too if he wanted and he picked it up straight away, so he´d come running to me and start signing to go at which point I´d take him. For wees he seemed to sign when he was going almost straight away but increasingly can wait til i get him to the potty before he goes. In fact this morning he did 3 wees in a row on the potty at his own request then this pm he didn´t ask til quite late on and then i noticed his nappy was still practically (though not totally) dry, and he did a huge wee in the potty.

He is now 20months. I know lots of people at me but I couldn´t be more relaxed about his toilet habits. He might not be fully trained for ages yet but for us it´s more about a slowly growing awareness of his body and its functions, no pressure, no stress. So yeah, people might laugh at me when he is 2.5 and still not trained but for me they´re missing the point. It must be more comfortable to go in the toilet than in your pants, no matter how absorbant. And it must be healthier/better for your skin not to sit in pee/poo any longer than necessary (i.e. at all!).

So that´s my contribution... yes for us the process is probably going to be much longer but i don´t think that necessarily makes it more stressful, I don´t have a date by which he has to be trained so we´re not working to a schedule. Oh and we don´t use pants or pull ups, he is still in nappies so no ´accidents´.

I have lots of doubts about the whole 'ready' thing. There is no doubt that our parents' generation and earlier had pretty much all children out of nappies by 18 months (they can't all be lying!!) and as children presumably haven't changed then surely it must be the case that they are still be capable of it at that age.

If you wait until a child is older certainly the process can be very very quick and easy. With DD1 I waited until she was 2.3 as I'd just had DD2 and didn't want to be potty training while I had a newborn as it was all too much for me. At that age she was completely dry in 3 days and poos sorted soon after - so that was great.

With DD2 I started a soft form of potty training around 19 months - i.e. potty always in evidence and often nappy free time when we were at home. Occasional wees and poos went in the potty and she very rarely had any accidents as she learnt not to just wee and poo any old where if she had no nappy on.

Around 21 months I started to make a concerted effort to sit her on the potty regularly at certain times of the day (when I got her up, after meals, before bath), although she was still in nappies, just to get her in the habit. Then at 22 months I went for it with pants. First 5 days - disaster, back to nappies. A week later I tried pants again and this time she picked it up after a couple of days. 2 weeks on and she's doing great (I don't want to jinx it but I think we seem to be there).

So from my limited experience: yes the actual potty training process was quicker and easier for waiting until DD1 was older BUT by making a bit more of a concerted effort earlier with DD2 I have got her out of nappies 5 months sooner which is great for me and her (who really wants to sit in their own wee and poo?) and the environment. Also the actual accident stage of pooing and weeing in pants wasn't much different. For DD1 it was about 10 days of regular accidents in total and for DD2 more like 2 weeks, it's just I did quite a lot of preparation with DD2 and pretty much none with DD1.

I suppose really I think the difference is that with a younger child it's a gradual process of teaching (although it doesn't have to involve lots of accidents as you still use nappies for most of the teaching time), but with an older child you can just dive straight in and get the potty training done in a week as they understand more about what is expected of them.