DS1 violent towards another child - how best to deal?

[Tryharder]

I was at a soft play centre with a friend and our children today. I went to the toilet/buy a coffee/changed DS2's nappy and came back to find my friend telling my DS1 (aged 4) off.

Apparently my friend had looked up and had seen DS1 chasing another boy (who incidentally was a bit older), the boy had tripped over and DS1 started kicking him! Apparently DS1 was really laying into this boy; my friend was horrified, immediately shouted at my DS1 to stop and called him away. DS1's explanation was that this other boy had stolen the ball he was playing with.

Obviously, DS1 was told off, made to sit on the chair for the rest of the time we were there and basically was in disgrace the whole way home and for much of the evening thereafter. However, as I personally didnt see the incident, it's hard for me to judge it. I asked DS1 why he had kicked the boy and he said initially that he didnt want to tell me. When I forced the issue, he said that he had "forgotten to say the words". I said, what words and he said "stop taking my ball". So basically he lost his temper.

Now, DS1 has always been "highly strung", "challenging" and has a bad temper (gets it from his Dad ) but flippancy aside,this has really shocked me. My friends children are quite well behaved and I just feel sad and embarrassed that DS1 always, always does something to make me not proud of him iyswim. I don't want him to grow up to be a bully and I feel guilty that I have been a bad parent to him and that it's my fault that he's like this. He's a lovely, intelligent, handsome little boy and is well liked at nursery but he has these fits of temper and tantrums which completely spoil his character.

Am in tears as I write this. Have made DS1 promise that he will never kick or hit another child like that again. It wasnt the fact that he hit another child as such but the viciousness of the assault. My friend was visibly shocked and she's no delicate flower by any means.

So what now? I really do not want to be the kind of parent who's constantly summoned up to school because their child is a vicious bully!

Anyone got any advice or experience of dealing with this situation. Am finding it very hard at the moment to like DS1!!

I know this is shocking and upsetting for you, but my main bit of advice would be not to make too much out of it, tbh.

Your little boy is just 4, and he had a lapse of judgement.

You've talked it though with him; he knows he behaved badly, and you have punished him.

You didn't see the actual confrontation, and with the best will in the world, your friend may have exaggerated slightly.

As long as you have a consistent method of dealing with any aggression, and you follow that through each time, your little boy will learn to control his temper.

Give him a huge cuddle when he wakes up, and don't let this incident drag on.

Ooh, and soft play areas are the worst possible place for children who sometimes forget how to share, or who get a bit physical.

They are the work of the devil.

It's hard for parents to see what's happening, and it's hard for the children to work out any confrontations effectively as it's so crowded and noisy.

It's like a huge padded cell in primary colours!

They make me want to chase other people down and lay into them, and I'm in my 30's.

Playing outdoors is sooo much better if you can manage it, imo.