Help/advice with a sleep problem with 3.10yrs who is genuinely scared of being alone upstairs

[frenchmumma]

My ds will be 4 in Feb. When he goes to bed I have to sit in the room whilst he drops off. In the night he comes into our room.

I want to try and break the first part after Christmas has died down. Problem is he is genuinely very scared of being left alone.

I have tried all sorts - telling him that he is a big boy now, Mummy and Daddy are just downstairs having tea etc...but he goes balastic.

We had a chat about it and he said he is scared of being on his own.

He has a nightlight and we also leave the bathroom light on, the door is slightly open aswell.

Ive tried the moving nearer the door on the stool but he goes balistic again.

Any suggestions on how to sort this please?

How about giving him two massive cuddly toys to sleep in between. This was one of the things that helped reassure ds when he was around that age.

Also, by accident, we discovered his fear of the dark retreated one night when we went for a walk in the dark right before bedtime!

thanks for your advice....I feels tons better knowing Im not alone.

DS doesnt like change and likes a routine...even if we have been out late say on holiday we sTILL have to read 3 nighttime books, not one for quickness , it has to be his usual 3.

I understand when some of you say - Why not sit with them to they fall to sleep whats the problem? Well sometimes I can be up there an hour. Tonight was easy, had 3 stories, messed about for a little while, but rolled over and went to sleep. However the other night it was over an hour before I came down as he was messing around, jumping around, kciking his covers off etc... I ignore this until he tires himself out.

Im a bit more relaxed with it and may have a talk about it on why he wants me there and see if we can sort something out if not I will ride the storm and keep bedtimes calm and hope he growns out of this

frenchmumm, i can be up there an hour too, and it kills me if i am missing the soaps, i just sit vthere willing her to go to sleep. we too have to have 3 books, usually the same ones, but this week has been the turn of a musical dora one, not a very good choice for a bedtime story, it gets her all excited and jumpy, but she does like.

Re all the messing about and jumping around, I'm afraid I'd get strict with that and tell him that unless he lies still and keeps his eyes shut then you'll be going downstairs. That's what we ended up having to do with DS1 when he was doing the same. It did work! [evil threatening mummy!]

curlyhairedassasin, i threaten exactly the same, either she closes her eyes and goes to sleep or i go out of the room, it does work most times when she has had stories and settles down

my daughter is 4 and weve been thru the same. past 2 weeks shes been great i changed her bedroom to hannah montana because thats what a big girl like her has.she always wanted us laying beside her and as soon as we left she,d cry also she,d wake up during the night and cry to come in our bed.she has 2 nightlights after stories i tell her a princess story and at the end sprinkle magic dust on her to make her have sweet dreams.then if shes a big girl and has slept in her bed all night the sleep fairy leaves a gold box under her pillow with a chocolate coin.silly but its worked shes so pleased the fairy has been and says what a big girl shes been sleeping in her bed

also if shes unsettled i,ll give her my wedding tatty ted bears one with mummies perfume one with daddies aftershave

snuffyp, do you have to get up before your dd to put the box under the pillow

me again also my daughter loves reward charts and getting a sticker how about one and a sticker for each night they sleep on there own maye once they get so many they get a treat?

lizandlulu i always check on her before i go to sleep so i just put it under then! her nightlight has glitter in so i tell her thats magic dust too!

ahh crafty!! i might give it a go, although dd would probably check when she comes into our bed and eat the chocolate, then just come into our room anyway!

its hard i,ve done everything strange having her go to bed at 7 and not hearing a peep from her shes taken photos to bed with her allsorts!its hard but you have to break the habit i,ve created so many bad habits with dummies,cups etc they go on i think as long as i let them and you just have to get abit tough.i did,nt want to spend the night laying on her floor!

i was telling a friend of mine about hte trouble i was having and she said 'ohh sounds like you need to spend a few nights on the floor next to her bed'

err doubt it, its too cold in our house for that.

erm no as those few nights will end up everynight trust me!!!! they get used to it and want you there all the time its hard no one wants to feel a mean mummy but you have to try find another way and not creat a problem like we did!

tonight she was crying that she didnt want to be in her bed, she wanred to go into ours. i stood firm cause liek you say, it soon turns into everynight,

she says she is scared of the animals that come into her room, i said she had her fish to keep her safe and that her soft toys would stop the aminals from coming in, she said, 'so they wont come in and eat me?'

i dont know where this came from, i didnt think she was scared of anything like that.

my dd said about monsters its natural for kids to get scared and dd has quite a imagination and has spells of bad dreams you,ll have to think of some magical things to try make her feel safe.dd is doing great she asked to read stories in my bed and i thought umm crafty but no we read then its off to her bed.

i just hope theres no fireworks tonight!.i also say if shes not settling if your a big girl and sleep in your own bed all night 2m we can go to the park or make cakes etc

but i think my dd would rather sleep in our bed than make cakes or go out!

there is fireworks here but they are at the back of the house and dd's room is at the front, they dont usually bother her, thank god

my dd hates fireworks.its a hard one we even ende up with a fold out bed beside ours and she would look so happy in her little bed beside ours i quite liked it really.but i know were going her no favours she has to learn to settle herself but that takes time maybe as my dd is abit older shes easier to bribe etc!lol

i have seriousley thought of letting her sleep on a bed in our room, but really dont want to go down that road, at least with her going to sleep in her bed, we can work on her staying there, but if we move her, then it would create a whole load of other problems.

i,ve put a stop to it it felt like the better option at the time rather than sleep on her floor.dh had got into the habit of sleeping on her floor but we have agreed not too.she woke up 3 times last night but wanted a drink etcshe was abit unsettled i put her beloved troy doll and top beside her andshe went back to sleep!

my dd is such a mummys girl, i cant even share the load with dh, she just screams at him to go away. it realyl upsets him, but to be honest it is his own fault for not spending any time with her, (whole other issue)

dd came into our room last night about 3ish and then woke up topget uo at 6

i,m lucky then i share the work shes very close to her daddy as well hes fab with her and spends loads of time with her.i think as your dd is younger than mine shes doing nothing different to what mine did i think its something as she gets abit older will grow out of plus you can bribe them!