I upset DH today by insisting he let DD come to me when she was upset...

[SpankyouHardOnChristmasNight]

DD got a fright and then immediately wanted to come to me. DH grabbed her and pulled her on to his lap but she was screaming and pulling away from him calling for me (I was then sitting next to him). He wouldn't let her come to me so I told him that I thought that he should do and that it was a bit harsh to prevent her from coming to me. He got cross and said that she always wants to come to me and that that's not always possible. I suspect that there's a bit of hurt pride going on BUT how would you handle it?

i would have done exactly the same thing.

it doesn't matter if it isn't always possible for you to be there. if you weren't there then he'd have comforted her and it would have been ok.

but it is NOT ok for him to prevent a distressed child from going to the person they want, just to try and prove a point.

thisisyesterday is right. Mean to upset a distressed child like that especially just to score points in some bizarre game that exists only in his head.

Odd posting name, btw!

A compromise would have been in order. You could have left her with DH and still held her hand, whispered sweet nothings and let DH share the glory.

Seem happens here, dd2 ok with DH when I'm not there but if I am at home she wants me. I would have been the same as you. How old is your DD? Once they get older they are less "clingy".

oh. When do we get rid of our christmas names ?

How old is your DD? I think it may have been a mistake to have insisted that he hand her over to you, it sends the message to her that he isn't capable of comforting her. You could have soothed her by stroking her while she was on his lap.

I doubt it's done any lasting damage if it happens occasionally, but attachment between parent and child is built up through the parent reliably meeting the child's needs (hunger/thirst/tirdness/dirty nappies/comfort) and the child coming to trust that the parent will help them when they need help. If you are always the one to give comfort then you are interrupting your DH's ability to build attachment.

He's right that it's not always possible for you to be there for her so you are storing up future misery for your DD if there's a time that you will not be there and she needs to be consoled.

Thank you for your replies - she's 2. I think exatcly the same that when I'm not there, he is a completely and utterly perfect substitute and that they go in phases anyway. I totally expect her to suddenly turn to wanting him all the time and not me. I just thought that seeing as i was just there, it was mean to prevent the physical access to me that she needed at that point in time BUT I can understand what he's saying but think there's nothing to worry about but didn't want to be dismissive of him at the same time.

I think at around that age they often have a preferred parent. In a few months it'll probably be your DH that she wants and not you.

I agree with thisisyesterday

Another vote for thisyesterday's advice. I have 2 boys who have gone through stages of wanting one parent over another. Both me and dh take it on the chin, it isn't personal.

To prevent a distressed child from going to the person they want is a little cruel.

If you weren't there then he would of course have been the one to comfort her however, you were there and you were the one she wanted.

How would he have felt if it had been the other way round?

In a few months she will only want your DH (we are on second cycle of wanting DH over me and the relief)