2 year old not eating AND refuses to sit in her high chair

[summerlovebaby]

OK, I am at my wits' end here. My 2yo is a fussy eater (eats plain rice - 2 spoons, some days broccoli, sweetcorn, apple, grapes).
Not only that, she refuses to sit in her high chair and when i do manage to get her in it, she wants out after 10 minutes. While in her highchair she wants to do other things rather than eat. What I have found is that if she is busy doing something else (eg drawing or looking at a book), she lets me stuff food into her mouth. I don't like to do this because this way she will never want to focus on her food.
She is a very active kid but I am so worried that a) she is not getting enough nutrients and b) she does not want to sit down and eat!
Information is conflicting, I dont want to make an issue of her not eating (although I do have a meltdown about once a month) but then there is this other issue of her not wanting to sit in one place - not even an adult chair or a booster seat! HELP!

what about sandwhiches? Leave them on a plate within reach.
Lots of toddlers go through this stage.
Do you eat as a family or is she alone?

My DS is exactly the same, although it has been a long time since we tried to get him into a highchair. He is much, much better sitting on an ordinary seat.

It is hard. He does try everything during meal times to get up and run around so it helps to persevere. It is better, I've noticed, when we all sit down together rather than when he eats alone.

I just give him what we eat (he is also fussy) and I've found he'll eat something eventually.

I'm hoping it is just a phase, so try not to let it get you both down.

My 19mo is like this as well, she won't go anywhere near her highchair any more. I think it has been compounded by the fact that she has started sitting at a little table for lunch now in nursery. I have resorted to putting a big plastic mat on the floor, and letting her eat there. I find the not eating bit the stressful part, so I'mnot going to get excited about where she eats, as long as she eats!

Having said all that, I have seen a little wooden table and chairs in Ikea, designed for tots, which I am going to buy for her after Christmas.

I think it is very unhealthy to feed her when she is busy doing something else. It definitely sends the wrong messages.

DD kneeled up on an adult chair from age 19 months and sometimes her meal would last 5 minutes, 10 minutes was a long time for her. But in those few minutes had enough to keep her going until next meal.

Why not get a booster seat that goes on a normal chair so s/he is sat at the table with everyone else. Make a fuss because s/he is a big boy/girl now that s/he gets to eat properly at the table. Worked with all 3 of mine.

ds is 22 months and he hasn't sat in his high chair for ages. He eats what he wants and sometimes gets down before us but we don't make a big deal about it.

My older two were the same and they sit at the table and eat everything now.

Are you all eating at the same time? If you set the table and all eat it is much easier-it becomes routine. If she is the only one eating it is much more difficult.

Another vote for carpet picnics and offering food little-and-often rather than expecting a "proper" sit down meal with a little one. It can still be an event even if it only lasts 3 minutes.

[and if getting the nutrition in is the most important thing, then I see nothing wrong with passing them food while child is concentrating on something else. It won't be that long before they really want to sit and chat with you while you eat together - it needn't be a duty you impose on them!]

We are not eating together. I eat with her but my husband gets home late from work so we hardly ever eat together except at weekends.
The thing is, she is hungry and therefore irritable so I dont know what is going on. I'm heavily pregnant as well so this is all really getting me down

DD the same and I'm also heavily pregnant. I leave the food out and eats a bit more after the meal stopping at the table while walking around. I prefer that than her not eating. I just give DD a simple variety of food - yes she is very fussy (I hate the word) but I am just too tired to battle and I don't think its healthy. Its just a phase - I think its too much to hope that some toddlers can focus on a meal. They are still only little plenty of time to get them to eat at the table. I tend to have a snack when DD having her dinner to keep her company - she often mainly eats my snack. Remember its just a phase.

carpet picnics and finger foods

don't offer food whilst she is doing soemthing else - encourage her to eat herself

perhaps a booster seat as a PP has said is better?

I agree with the more relaxed approach.

Dh, dd 5 and I always have our meals at the table. Ds 2.3 also has a place and meal laid out for him and we put him on a grown up chair, which he kneels or stands on - he won't have anything to do with high chairs or boosters for a long time now. If he stays for 1, 5 mins, that is fine. If he has not eaten much, we put it on the coffee table when we are done for him to help himself. We don't feed him nor will he allow it.

I know purists will not be impressed. But dd was the same and now she always eats with us at the table. She also eats at school and nursery with her peers without problems. In fact, the dinner lady at school praises her as one of their best eaters.

dd was a terrible eater till recently when I realised she hated eating alone and got bored. She's 4. Now we have her at the table (although she has to eat 5 times a day so sometimes we are just having biscuits) and feed her there. Cos she feels part of it all she opens her mouth for her food now. Before she would seal her lips!
If she senses stress she wont eat.

Can you sit down with her and have a cup of tea while she eats?

We have tripp trapps and I took the baby bar off the front of our before two, so now it just looks like a chair.

What do you do about snacks? Maybe lay off the snacks for a few days to get her used to eating at mealtimes? Mind you, it's meant to be healthier to have five or six small meals a day rather than three big ones.

I agree it's not worth having stressy meal times and definitely not good to make food an issue but at some point fairly soon she will have to start learning to eat properly at the table. Maybe when you are less pregnant, so to speak, you can sit and feed the baby at the table while she eats too?

I would doubt she's starving herself. Children can be very good at regulating their own intake. And although her repetoire is narrow it's not that unhealthy, is it?

I started to tackle my DS2's outrageous fussiness by the time honoured technique of getting Someone Else to deal with it, ie two lunches at nursery a week (from two). He's 2.7 now and there has been a big improvement in the range of foods.

Just a note. I found that DS became a lot moer difficult in the laast 2-3 weeks of my pregnancy. A couple of my friends noticed the same thing. You're knackered and they know something is in the air.

All of the children were a lot better once the baby arrived Good luck!

I'm sorry you are having a horrible time. Being pg makes everything so much worse!

So far as the eating thing is concerned, I would offer her the same food as you. If she gets down from the table, I would say that her meal has finished, and she will next be offered something at your next meal (I would not give snacks or substitutes). I would give her one chance to get down and come back; after that, it would be the end of her meal. I would not make a big deal of it; just state it as a matter of fact. No toddler ever starved herself. If she is hungry, she will eat.

Does this make me a 'purist', I wonder?

I have the opposite, equally stressful, problem - a DD who won't stop eating, and who won't leave the table for fear of missing a comestible!!

Good luck...

PS I would not under any circs allow anything at the table other than food. Oh dear, I fear this does make me a 'purist', whatever one of those might be...

Just echoing what others have said. DS1 (2.5) has always been a picky eater and it got worse once he refused to sit in the booster seat about 5 months ago - as now he can get down from the table whenever he wants!

We don't stress about it - we always have breakfast together at the table, sometimes lunch (depending on what we have) and always Sunday teatimes (he eats at nursery 4 days a week so I don't need to worry about those days!). He will be up and down at the table like a jack-in-the-box but once we have finished eating, we get down from the table and take his plate into the lounge where he continues to pick at it for a while - he can make his breakfast last for about 3 hours

I am also of the view that it is better he eats something rather than enforce rules around the table and he eats less - anything he gets inside him is a bonus!! He is a VERY active 2 year old so clearly gets enough energy from the little he does eat.

I always sit down with her and nibble on the same food I have given her so she does not feel she is eating alone. Have tried cutting out the snacks too but that is making no difference whatsoever.
I am trying not to get stressed out, it's been an awful week and now I just let her eat what she picks from her plate and if she starts asking for her books etc I refuse and then let her get down if she wants to.
She eats better at her childminders 2 days a week and in her highchair and wears a bib so I don't know what I am doing wrong

Thanks for all the advice everyone, we will just have to see how it goes. xx

I always sit down with her and nibble on the same food I have given her so she does not feel she is eating alone. Have tried cutting out the snacks too but that is making no difference whatsoever.
I am trying not to get stressed out, it's been an awful week and now I just let her eat what she picks from her plate and if she starts asking for her books etc I refuse and then let her get down if she wants to.
She eats better at her childminders 2 days a week and in her highchair and wears a bib so I don't know what I am doing wrong

Thanks for all the advice everyone, we will just have to see how it goes. xx

So she eats at her CM? There is light at the end of the tunnel . Hold firm. She'll get there.