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Parenting

neglect ?

7 replies

mands1 · 19/03/2003 21:34

It's been playing on my mind, yesterday i sat on sofa with elder ds while 9mth ds played on floor.I was so tired I couldn't keep my eyes open.

My little ds got hold of toys he shouldn't have had lots of small bits.I kept thinking take them off him he'll choke but I couldn't "wake up" enough.Eventually he got bored & started to cry I finally managed to pick him up and all was ok.

Trouble is it could have been serious.I couldn't see his mouth only the top of his head so he could have done anything.Did I neglect him (I know the answer to that question) worried now it might happen again.

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jasper · 19/03/2003 22:03

mands1 I clearly remember a similar thing happening to me when I literally couldn't keep my eyes open in the middle of the day as my baby and toddler played.
Turned out I was pregnant

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mands1 · 19/03/2003 22:18

No chance of that but yes come to think of it it was a similar feeling I remember back then and it is a exhausted feeling.

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Lindy · 19/03/2003 23:58

mands1 - I think the most exhausting thing about motherhood (or should I say parenthood) is that you are meant to be 'on the alert' all the time .... and in reality I would say that is impossible. We all 'drop off' or turn away for a few seconds (or longer), you have to - to get on with everything else - yesterday my 2 year old was sitting on the loo seat (as he often does) whilst I cleaned his teeth, I turned to rinse the toothbrush, he fell off - he wasn't hurt, but he could have been ....... I am sure we all have moments like this. Don't beat yourself up over it.

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GeorginaA · 20/03/2003 08:41

I definitely had moments like this when ds was younger and I only had the one to look after! Not ideal, but I would put the telly on in a room which was as child proof as I could make it and dose on the sofa for 10 minutes in the afternoon (usually around 3/3.30 when I think most people's blood sugar and energy levels take a dive). Not true dosing as I was constantly prodded by ds who once happy he'd got my attention would wander off again. After the 10 minutes I would actually feel quite revitalised ("power nap"?!). Lasted about a week and then I didn't need them anymore. Was very weird. Did feel guilty about "neglecting" ds at the time too, but he seemed perfectly happy ... I think he thought I was playing an extended game of peekaboo

I wouldn't worry too much about the being bored bit - I think it's good for them to get a little bored now and then - I certainly don't think we should be planning every minute of their play activities during the day. Probably best to remove unsafe toys to another room though at the times of day you feel wiped out and might not be able to concentrate as well. Also, a quick hide in the kitchen and scoff a chocolate bar when you're in need of a quick energy boost can help sometimes too, although you need to be sure elder ds doesn't catch you!

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EmmaTMG · 20/03/2003 09:06

When DS1 was a baby, at crawling age about 7-8 months he some how managed to get the patio door key out of the lock(it was at floor level), Now this key was hard for me to remove so how he did I'll never know. Anyway I as sitting on the sofa, fully aware that he was fiddling with the key, thinking he'll be okay I went to the toilet or kitchen, can't remember which now, but was only out of the room for a matter of 2 minutes maximum.
Well he was still fiddling with the key but unbeknown to me he had got it out of the lock and as I walked into the room he popped it into his month. Our lounge was by no mean vast but in the 5 or 6 steps across the room he managed to swallow it! I literally had to scoop it out from half way down his neck. He coughed and sputtered for a while and my heart pounded in my throat for the rest of the day. After that the key wasn't left in the lock!
When I read the title of this thread, I didn't think my example would count as neglect and to be honest I still don't....I don't think yours does either. It's impossible to watch them 100% of the time, and certainly wouldn't drag them to the toilet everytime I leave the room.
Don't worry about it and please don't think you've neglected your children.

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breeze · 20/03/2003 09:29

moment of lapse, not neglect, Dont worry.

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Maudy · 20/03/2003 09:32

Please don't worry Mands1, as many of us are in the same position. I do not think you have neglected your child at all, you were in the room knowing that he was playing with these things and therefore would have been ready to pounce had anything happened.

I also have a 9 month ds who often plays with older ds's toys but I do try and remove all the ones with small wheels or playmobil (which is lethal). I find that a big box of Duplo is quite good as they both can play with it without any worry.

Please don't beat yourself up about it as you obiously care enough to worry.

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