HELP-how to stop kids arguing and bickering am tearing my hair out!!!!

[lunamoon2]

I have 3 kids and it is mainly the 2 youngest who argue/bicker.
I have tried ignoring them, telling them to ignore the other one when they do it. Rewarding the "well behaved" child with attention etc, shouting at them
saying I don't want them to speak to me unless they have something nice to say about their sibling.
Pretended that it doesn't bother me and getting on with other things in the hope that they will concentrate on behaving. Asking them to please consider my feelings and pointing out that they do not see such behaviour from me and their dad and how awful they would feel if me and Dad did argue like them.
I was a sham for all their young lives and spend a lot of time with them, doing nice things with them only to be rewarded by this.
My oh works weekends and I feel the pressure when he is not hear.
I feel like crying they make me so unhappy at times, also feel like screaming and often do at them when all of above have failed.
Sorry very long just feel like sh** especially as supposed to be a "nice" time at Christmas.
Can anyone offer any help???

My eldest two fight sometimes, siblings do. How old are yours? Mine are 7 and 4 and for the most part I let them sort it out (if it is run of the mill niggling). If I over hear either one being mean to the other then I might say "remember, if you have nothing nice to say then don't say anything at all". If they are tearing strips off each other then they both get told off and put in time out as "I don't care who started it, if they are physically fighting then I am finishing it".

Another thing to do is plan specific tasks/activities so they don't fight in the first place. So this morning they made snowflakes and paperchains together, or one might help me do a small job whilst the other does something on their own.

Hi Saggy
mine are 11, 10 and 5.
I think it is difficult because I did expected it to get easier as they got older!
Thanks for your advice, I'm glad it's not only me with squabbling kids.
The middle one is visiting a friend today, so I am going to plan something with the other 2.

So agree with your feelings luna.
Sometimes the only thing to do is take them all out of house having tidied organized nothing, kicking and bickering, fighting over telly/ refusing to get ready as they do, and put them in a playground/park. At least you can't hear them bickering. And then when you get home with them all possibly still squalling you can all have a richly deserved hot chocolate and snack and perhaps they'll feel like a team again. Could you trick them into thinking they are all part of your special family team rather than individuals competing for your attention?

My other solution is to give 10 minute challenges to each child. One has to sit on floor and play lego for 10 mins. One has to go and listen to radio for 10 mins, One has to come and help me for 10 mins. Then quite often they won't want to stop what they havee been forced into doing, or will start playing with each other quite happily by mistake.