Is it really any different for a woman to walk out on her kids than a man? Genuine interest.

[jingleMAMADIVAsbells]

Sorry I didn't know where to put this.

I was just watching a program about women walking out on their kids and how it is worse, but I am not particularly sure TBH.

What does everyone else think?

I know men who have walked out and I know a woman who has walked and TBH I find it quite shocking they ca leave their kids in anway but I don't know if I agree with the divide.

Seems worse to me but that is only my personal view point because i can't imagine doing it.

Yeah no thats eems to be the general perception but I just wanted to hear other people's genuine opinions on it.

A proper debate/chat rather than a descending argument.

Depends what you mean by 'worse' exactly. I would imagine it will tend to be more traumatic for the main carer to leave, which ever parent that is (and in many cases, one parent does more childcare than the other).

yes, agree, the worst is if the main carer leaves.

Unless the main carer is crap/violent, of course.

But losing either parent is bad, we are just more used to seeing the psychological effects of losing your father.

I have 2 friends who's mothers left them behind when they split with their fathers.

One was quite effected by it as a teen but once she got married and had kids herself I think she understood the pressures her mum had been under more.

The other friend has never really forgiven her mum for the abandonment though they do talk, and has become an uber mum and wife as a result, with very strong opinions about other parents. She believes if you're married you stay married whatever the circumstances for the sake of the children.

I think it because they gave birth. I have asked adopted people this question because they want to find the birth mother, and the birth father is very much in second place. They have all said that they feel the rejection of the mother more.

My sisteer's husband has an 18 year old son he's not seen since he was born (complicated story) - I think all the women around the son are pushing for contact to be established but his son has done nothing to make this happen. Sad.

I think for the Mother to do it seems worse because they have given birth to the children.

My Dad has had relationships with two women who left their DC with their Dads. I found I couldn't understand why either of them had done this, even before I had my own children. As far as I'm aware they didn't have any problems being able to look after their children, they were just selfish.(Obviously this is not the case in every story)

I asked my Dad once why one of the womens DC lived with their Dad, he said becuase she couldn't afford to have them live with her. I thought that was the most pathetic excuse. If you wanted your DC to live with you then you could make it work.

I do think it is just as bad for a man to leave his DC behind, and have nothing more to do with them

My brother's wife left him with their two children AND her daughter from a previous relationship. I think it has affected them more than if he had left them - if only because there were lots of children at school whose fathers had left, but they were the only ones whose mother had. They thought - and still subconciously think however much they understand intellectually that it was nothing to do with anything they did - that a child has to be very bad indeed for their mother to leave them. Very sad.

I think it's worse for the mother to leave. I think it's a mixture of reasons like having them grow inside you, giving birth, plus (in most cases) being the main carer, and personally cannot ever imagine doing it myself so therefore makes it hard to believe iyswim?
I know someone who walked out on her children, but her mum walked out on her when she was little too, wondr if her daughter is destined to do the same?

MIL's Mum wal;ked out on her, FIL was abandoned (literally, sort of thing that would be on news now) as a toddler by his Mum

MIL was really badly affected; her Dad took her out of care after a year but from what I can see kept her as a cleaner for which she seems to be grateful. She doesn't seem to have any real idea of what being family means, none of the bonds: for her its all earned or none existent- nothing unconditional you know?

FIl OTOH was adopted into a warm family and is very loving indeed, left MIL a few eyars back and has a lovely, sane GF (sadly MIL clearly not sane)

I think it's ahrd when either goes, but esp. if ts the mainc arer; also society is a bit at a mum-leaving situation which will add to it I think.

But I do believe MIL / FIL cases show that it is what happens after that dictates the likelihood of child being stuffed or not

Agree with Seeker about what the child may think and the impact on their self-esteem