Is there anything I can do to make my 3 yr old ds more confident?

[Wintersun]

He's a lovely sweet little boy but seems to have very little confidence. He is incredibly shy and never answers people when they talk to him and just looks down.
He'll talk to his grand parents and aunts and uncles and play with other children that he knows.
He never talks to my friends even though he's seen them loads and plays with their kids. He's also overly-sensitive and cries at anything. I do my best to comfort him and then try to encourage him to 'get over it'. He still cries when I take him to nursery and am concerned for when he starts school in September.

I actually find it difficult to deal with as I'm fairly 'tough' myself and come from a 'tough' family, iykwim so am not used to it.
I'm also worried because his younger brother seems to be quite strong willed and confident and has already learnt how to push some of his buttons.

Can anyone give me any advice please?

Piscesmoon I would really be interested in hearing more about how you helped your DS, nursery are saying DS doesn't deal well with change and suggest that I have too many routines with him so at home it isn't an issue. I have to incorporate more change in his life or they are saying he should be held back a year from entering P1( you can do that for Jan Feb birthdays in Scotland as the cut off date is end of Feb for entry in August), the decision is ultimately mine but I want him to go in August as he is very bright (as they acknowledge) and I think he will become bored and frustrated if he is held back, I talked this through with him and said if he had a choice what did he want to do and a resounding "start P1" came back. DS doesn't come across as shy as in his comfort zone he is boisterous and can be a bit loud (he is always the one you can hear)but take him out of his comfort zone and he actually is quite shy, he did NOT want to be Joseph this week and basically threw a wobbly to make sure it didn't happen (I can see he is taking after me, although I wouldn't have been quite so dramatic I did the same about playschool and Sunday school and even yet I just avoid certain situations - DH can't understand me but loads of people I don't know terrify me and yet I can get up in front of an audience and talk so long as I am well prepared). I would love to hear more about people who have had similar situations and found ways to help their little ones.

A really funny thing with DS2, that shows what he was like was when he was 7- He changed to the junior school, it was a different school but on the same site and he was going up with his entire class. On the morning he was doing it he was in floods of tears, he had started the night before! Little DS3 was with us, one term in the infants, going into a new class with a different mix of DCs, as we stood in the playground waiting to see DS3 in, he said to me-you can go and sort X I will be alright on my own!!
I wouldn't worry if they are boisterous and a bit loud with people they know because it shows that there isn't a problem. A lot of DCs don't want a lead part. I smile on here when parents complain that the same DCs get the lead and it is never their DC. I have ventured the opinion that maybe their DC would hate a lead part-as a DC I know that I wanted a place on the back row of the chorus-probably frustrating for my mother but I was happy!
I have huge problems with the teachers at secondary school, they say my DSs don't say enough in class and they think you can point this out to a DC and they will instantly be able to change. Only once did I get a teacher to understand, because she had been the same and it was like a breath of fresh air-a good teacher should be able to coax them out IMO and what it needs more than anything is time.
If your DC is bright I can't see a need to hold him back. Shy people are often quite tough, secure and resilient underneath. Some teachers misread me by going with what they could see. I think shy people are a bit like an iceberg-a lot is there but nine tenths is hidden! If your DC made sure that he wasn't Joseph I think you will find he can look after himself!
Sometimes those who are shy at 5 yrs are class leaders by 10 yrs.
The best thing is to support-don't shy away from new situations and people, don't let them hide away but don't force when they are not ready. Hope it makes sense and isn't too contradictory.

it makes perfect sense! and you have said some things that really ring true with me. I have been saying for ages that what appears now to be qualities that are difficult may end up making DS into a leader yet. He has that inner strength. And as you say he has figured out how to make sure he isn't Joseph! That is what the teachers don't like though - they want a child they can make do whatever they want! I agree that a good teacher works with all the individuals in her class, I don't think it is easy especially with the class sizes we all have but one of my BFs is a brilliant teacher and she says he is a typical boy and not to worry, but she can bring out the best in any child. Just wish she lived close enough that she could be DSs teacher. Thank you PiscesMoon, you have given me back the confidence in my own instincts and in DS that the school managed to rip to shreds two days ago.

EEKKKK! I have just done the sensitive child on-line survey on my ds (just 7) and scored 18. Understand totally what you are experiencing - including the dispair and frustration because you cannot help them and feel they are their own worse enemy!!

My ds took a while to settle into school and make friends (which are all girls!). I stopped work to make life easier for him and network the playground to help him build friendships. He is fine now, but is still one of the quiet ones in class and still only really plays with the girls..

I just concentrate on positive parenting and trying to raise his self-esteem - mixed with a bit of gently 'go on, get out there!' Ultimately you cannot change their make-up - just give them the best start in life to make sure they are as happy and worry free as they can be..