changing a childs surname......

[iliketosleep]

If the ex wont agree.

I am getting married tomorrow and dd1 will be the only one with my maiden name double barrelled with his. She wants to take my married surname but i know know know he will not let her. Can she just let herself be known by this name as long as she uses her real name for important documents and then when she reaches the right age change it herself by deedpoll? She is 8 by the way and cannot stand him and hasnt seen him for over 2 years yet he still keeps dragging me to court

It depends on the circumstances. We changed DS's name when he was 5 or 6.

Ex never had parental responsibility - we were not married and he never applied for it. He is on his birth certificate. Therefore, his permission was not required.

So for a child the same age as yours, I think it just depends if you were married or not or if he has obtained parental repsonsibility.

This would not apply to younger chidldren as at some point the law changed and fathers named on the birth cert were given parental responsibilty.

If you cannot change it, she should be able to be 'known as' at school.

If your ex kicks up a stink, it might be best to go to the school and let htem know the situation. They will be able to change it on the registers, and that's the main influence for a child her age. My cousin actually plans to change his name by deed poll now he's 18; if your ex is causing problems, you may have to wait until she is old enough to do it herself for an official change.

Don't put yourself through the hassle and trauma of a court battle. After all, although someone's name is an impiortant thing, in the long run your daughter will be able to change it, and until then, everyone who matters will use the name she prefers. Schools are pretty good at being delicate with that sort of thing.

Hi I like to sleep, I am new to mumsnet. I just thought I'd let you know what I did in similar(ish) position.

I got married this year and my eldest dc expressed a very clear wish to change his name. My dcs see their dad pretty frequently and he is an important part of their lives. I explained my dcs request to xh and not surprisingly he said no. After asking a solicitor I suggested a double barrelled name (as the courts would very likely suggest this if we were to go down that route.) Again he said no. It was really difficult as whilst I could see why my xh would be upset this was genuinely what my dc wanted and he was really upset.

After talking to my dcs school it was agreed that their surname on the official register would remain as it was (it has to as this is a legal document apparently). However they are known in school and for all activities that we organise by my new married name. The teachers were really helpful by the way.

I don't think I would put yourself through a court battle, but it might be worth asking your solicitor for advice about going down the 'being known as' route.

My dcs can decide for themselves later if they want to officially change it. Legally they can do this at 16 but my solicitor said a court would listen seriously to the views of a child from age 12 up.

Hope this helps.

Oh and have a fantastic wedding day tomorrow!