age gaps

[pamelat]

I know this topic has been done before but would really like some advice please.

DD is 11 months old (just) and I am feeling very broody.

Am wondering whether to start trying now (DH is happy to) or whether to wait.

I got pregnant within a week last time but am aware that I was very lucky and that life is not always that easy.

I am due back at work in 6 weeks and a bit wary about going back pregnant, will they think badly of me?

In an ideal world I would wait a year and then our next baby could be born when DD is almost 3, and will qualify for some free childcare.

I just don't know if I can wait a year. I also dont want the baby years to last forever as I want some sleep soon!

What do you think of age gaps. Say you had the choice of

12 months
18 months
2 years

What would you "chose"? know its not as easy as that ... but hypothetically, please

We have 3 years 2 months between DS and DD. I'd go for a similar gap again if we were to plan a third child.

theres a 3 year gap between mine which is good one out of nappys and settled at nursery before next one arrived. But my older child found it hard for a while but is alot better now they can play together (4 and 1) its always guna be hard for you having two young ones so its just a matter of what age gap you want, closer is better for when they grow up together but harder on you

We originally wanted 3 and didn't want to drag out the baby stage.Our first one took 18 months to conceive so we started trying for the second earlier than we would have done otherwise.We ended up with just under 19 months between DD and DS1. She was so jealous. She slapped pictures of babies, and demanded he be put to bed as soon as he got up (and fortunately he slept for 4 hours between feeds).She wouldn't walk and wouldn't go in the pushchair. It was very hard work. They were both in nappies for ever.

BUT as soon as DS1 was old enough to play with her they were thick as thieves and really enjoyed each-others company.

DS2 came along when they were 3.5 and 2. They both hated him Then when they were 5.5, 4 and 2 we had DS3. DD adored DS3. She dressed him up and carried him round and showed him off- he was her baby. The boys both hated him. So for us the only gap that worked from the beginning was 5.5 and after the initial troubles the next best gap (for the children) was 18 months.

Once they get that bit older the gap doesn't seem to matter. Because ours were more or less the same age they liked the same things so we could go out somewhere that they would all enjoy. That must be harder with larger gaps.

I suppose there is no "easier" option. I think I am definately guilty of feeling like DD (11 months) is no longer a baby - which of course, she is!

I found the newborn stage hard as she had tummy/colic issues but now I feel that I would find it easy. I feel like I would know how to handle it bet, oh how naive am I!

My antental group already has 2 pregnancies. well one little boy is 1 and his twin brothers are now 7 weeks!

Another girl got pregnant when her DD was about 7 months. Will see how they all handle it.

I think I would like to wait until about September next year, and then my DD would be 2.4 . Will see.

I agree that longer is better - I had my first 2 within two years and it was hideous - just the practicalities of having more than one in nappies is hideous. And as CEEBEE said, a 2 year old or younger cannot articulate how they're feeling about the changes. I had a 4 year gap between DC3 and DC4, and it was so much easier.

I have a 4 year gap between DDs and its been magical, felt like they have both had lots of one on one time with me as babies but the gap isn't so large that they cannot play together.

Mind you, I had first baby at 25 so I had the luxury of time, most of my older friends have had tiny age gaps.

My mum had 4 of us and she always swears that the 4 year gap was the best.

In terms of her sanity and also how well the 2 siblings got on.

Me and my brother are the 4 year gap. He and my sister have a 3 year gap - again ok.

However the last 2 have a 18 month gap and they have major jealousy /comparison issues even NOW! Are they are 22 and almost 24! They have the worst arguments.

I am sure this is also down to personalities but geeezzz....

I have opted for the 4 year gap. My DS is 4 in January and I am expecting no.2 in April.

It is really nice as well because DS is so involved as he is old enough to understand. He understands there is a baby in my tummy and talks to baby every night. He also knows that mummy can't carry him because it would hurt mummy and baby. He is so excited about being a big brother and tells everyone about 'HIS' baby.

He came to 12 and 20 week scans and was so excited when we showed him 'baby' on the monitors. It was his job to tell the grandparents that he is getting a 'baby boy' and well...I could go on and on...

On the financial side, as well DS will be starting full time schooling soon so it was the best time to do it as we could not afford 2 children in full time childcare.

On the purely selfish side, I will get to give baby no.2 all the attention I gave DS, because DS will be at school and then at the childminder in the week, so I will get to have my own selfish time with my new little one.

Oh I think I have rambled....anyway, yeah...as you can see I am a 4 year gap cheerleader!

4 years is nice but will then be 10 years or so before we can do things like all go skiing as family?

It would also make me 35, which is fine but if we want to have 3, its pushing it?

more to life than skiing as a family though!

i'm going to have 3.6 years between my DD and the next, am pg now. thought wanted a smaller age gap but mc and illness consipred against me and now i'm actually really happy about it. have had good quality time with DD and she is at nursery 5 mornings a week from next months which will make thigns a lot easier

i think being an older mother also won't be a problem - it's the age that you start having children i think which has a big part to play in your fertility i believe. or what is the 'pushing it' factor - is it that you will feel old?

The "older" issue is just the risk of health related factors for the baby.
Skiing is just an example but am keen to have the baby days behind us. I loved it once DD was 6 months but those first 6 months were not much fun.

pamelat I had to smile at your "I feel like I would know how to handle it bet". Your second child probably won't have colic, but will have something you have not experienced before and don't know how to deal with

i see. i know what you mean about getting baby days behind you... you might be lucky though if you are older twins are more likely!

seriously, i guess there's no ideal age gap, you will make whatever you have work for you. i do dthink though having two DCs in nappies would be very hard but that's cos i am a wuss!

I have 14 months between my DDs, too close....DD1 wasn't walking when I came home from hospital with DD2. The first year was REALLY tough, it passed in a haze of feeds, purees and nappy changes. On the positive side I do remember they both still napped together twice a day so I did get a bit of rest time.

A different story now though, they are 3 and 4.2 and are BEST friends, they love the same stuff,are pretty similar in terms of attention span etc so for example I can take them both to a pantomime at the weekend with no problems....it is paying off now but was incredibly hard.

If I was doing it again.....I'd probably.....do the same again!

LRx

I have 18m between DS1 and DS2 and then 23m between DS2 and DD. So when DD was born I had 3 under 4 and all at home. (DS1 was 3.5 when DD born)
It was hard work but I love the smaller gap. My 2 DSs are thick as thieves, in consecutive school years and completely self sufficient as a unit and so when DD was born there was no issue- they pottered round together while I BF!!. Now DD is 17m she is also joining in and they are a happy little tribe.
Its easier to go on outings as they are all at the same sort of stage.
I was 34 when I started and 37 when I finished so didn't have time on my side. DS1 can't remember life without DS2 and DS2 can't remember life without DD - so although there was some jealousy intially there isn't now!
I fully recommend small gaps- hard work but it pays dividends in the long run.

Its difficult. Sometimes its not really even about choice is it, might just come off the pill next spring and see what happens.

I was out on a work do last night and was thinking that being out and being able to drink are not much fun after all!

I have age gaps of

5.5 years
14 months
2 years/24 months

So my youngest 3 have been born in 3 years and 6 weeks

The smallest gap has been the best/easiest. Yes it is hard when they are little but there was practically zero jealously, I accepted that I had 2 babies (and one at school) and couldn't do as much as I had previously. Within a year they were playing together etc.

It's much easier having 3 close in age they developmentally easier to occupy whereas the eldest is more like an only child IYSWIM and you have to invite friends etc around for her to play with. It's also nice to clear your house of all the toddler clutter as the youngest grows up. Plus they don't need many toys as they play with each other so much.