How do you cope with being a parent when you are feeling low ?

[Rookietherednosedreindeer]

I don't feel I am a good parent at the moment. I'm on quite strong hormone treatment and I'm exhausted all the time particularly now I am back at work, get headaches and am feeling low ( all known side effects of the medication)

I'm shouty and too reliant on TV. I tried potty training ( DS 2 3/4) but gave up because although fine with nothing on kept wetting his pants when we tried with them. DS is fussy about his food, and prior to this I was getting home from work and making sure we had at least one or two family meals together per week, but now I don't have the energy so its back to cheese on toast or M&S ready made kids meals for DS.

I just don't know what to do. I need to continue with the treatment and I don't know if the side effects are going to ease off, but I feel its really unfair on DS, oh and DH too but not as bothered about him

Hello Rookie, what a tough time you are having. I was once told in times of trouble only do what absolutely has to be done in the day, don't over stretch yourself or over commit or over-hope as you will be more down when it does not work out.

When do you have to take the hormone treatment till? Can you make peace with yourself that once you are back off the treatment you will return to feeling better? What does the doc say? Are these side effects likely to ease off in time? Perhaps someone will come along who knows much more than me about it.

Perhaps set yourself just one goal for the next 6 weeks, for example, not worry about potty training but concentrate on trying to have one family meal a week. Or forget the food and concentrate on potty training?

You are a good parent as you are feeling badly about how the way things are at the moment, you are just having a tough time. Can your DH take on one specific job too in order to help ease the load?

Sending a big hug xx

Sorry you're having such a hard time recently. I haven't any advice but didn't want yor post to go unnoticed. I think M&S ready meals are a real treat in our house though. You sound like you are doing the best you can in the circumstances. Children are resiliant. Please concentrate on getting yourself well again.
HTH {fsmile]

ooops.

Sorry didn't reply last night, DH came back from work trip.

I don't know if the side effects will ease off or not, I'm due to stay on it for 4 months, which is fine I can cope with that length of time, but afterwards I'm not sure what the long term prognosis is. Don't want to go into details as have to skidaddle for work but I'm a bit worried about things although its nothing life threatening, and thats not helping me to have the infinite patience and good humour required to look after a small child.

I think you are right, should just focus on one thing. DH isn't bad at all, but he has been away with work and perhaps its just a question of me being set in my ways, but I don't think I could ask him to do potty training in any meaningful way and you haven't tasted his cooking ( shudder).

poor you. I can really relate to you because when DS was 2.9, I was working full time and about to give birth to DS2.

I certainly wouldn't bother with the potty training unless your DS is really keen.

It sounds like you are doing a great job. No problem with M&S meals and TV. YOu can bet that almost every family in the country is doing the same because of exhaustion/illness/Christmas hols with all children home.

Have you thought of contacting homestart or some such similar organisation? They may be able to get you a bit of support. Your HV can probably put you in touch with them.

This is an odd suggestion from a couch potato like me, but have you considered doing a bit of exercise? Just walking quickly to the park and pushing DS vigorously on the swings is decent exercise and may make you feel a bit better.

Go easy on yourself. At the best of times working and looking after a young child is hard. Add in you being a bit fragile, DH working long hours and it being cold and dark, and it's not surprising you're struggling a little.

It sounds tough. I agree the potty training can wait, he's clearly notready , nothing to do with you. Get your DH to do family meals at the weekends. Keep a stash of 'special' toys so when you are feeling unwell you can pull them out and 'supervise' from the sofa.

You must make your health a priority as the other stuff depends on that anyway.

I am just (hopefully) pulling out of a spell like this. Was ill for a few months culminating in a small op a couple of weeks ago, combined with a life-long tendancy to get very tired/run down associated with mood swings. I feel terrible when I'm too low to do the same things with dd but soem days I feel as though I can hardly move let alone play actively as a 3 yr-old demands.

As long as the food is of a reasonable standard just give up cooking for a while or get dh to do some and freeze it for all of you (or do that if/when you have the energy).

Funnily enough we've also been potty training (and it's been absolute hell) but my dd is 3.5 - I wouldn't worry about that either if it's not going smoothly - leave it for a while.

If you are back at work ishe in daycare? That should have plenty of activities. I just told dd plainly that mummy was a but tired and poorly and wouldn't be able to play/pick her up/carry her around for a while. Crafty stuff can are quite relaxing. I did a lot of directing games from the sofa too. Get dh to do some active play, preferably outdoors, as often as he can.

Hi there,

Thanks for your homestart suggestion emilyandjohn. I suspect we wouldn't qualify as financially ok and already have a cleaner 3 hours per week, which is a godsend, but still all the other jobs to do.

Agree with not pushing potty training, think my parents did a good job of scaring him at the weekend with pushing the potty at him every 5 minutes, now he refuses to go out without a pull up !

Acinonyx, I do try to exercise and prior to op and hormone treatment cycled into work every day and went swimming frequently, now I have to get the lift up to the second floor. I find I have to conserve my energy as if I have a day where I do a bit more then suffer for it the next day.

Probably staying off Mumsnet is a good idea, as that way I won't feel guilty about the TV watching/ready meal feeding, but I need the support atm.

Hi there just wanted to say I think the only thing you need to qualify for homestart is a child under 5 [and to want the support].