I always liked children. I like their take on the world. I think they are fun and charming. Whenever I look at those 'change your life and live in another country' programmes I think the children are so much more charming than the adults and almost feel sad that we lose so much as we grow up. I wanted a child because I wanted someone like that in my life, to love and to have the special intimacy of motherhood with (ie not just a godmother etc). I wasn't under any illusions that it would be easy so I decided that I wouldn't have a baby until I met the right man - the right man being one who also really wanted children, who wanted to marry me, and would totally share the work and the pleasure. My dh had a daughter when I met him so I was able to see beforehand what a totally hands on and committed and loving father he was. We also shared views on smacking, food, discipline etc that I could see would be essential later down the line. My son is the light of my life. He's so much better than anything else I've done in my life - and I like to think I've done a reasonable amount. I love him in a way I've never loved anything or anyone before. I often look at him and wonder what I have done to deserve such an amazing and wonderful person in my life. And when he says 'Mama, cuddle' and reaches out to me, I feel just overwhelmed by love and tenderness. He has skin like a peach and is totally beautiful in my eyes. I so look forward to every stage in his life, showing him things for the first time, taking him to places I loved as a kid - all this seems thrilling and fulfilling to me. I can't wait to see him make his first sandcastle or help me cook or read his first words. I wanted a child for so many reasons - from the utterly trivial, such as buying little, tiny clothes - to the profound, for example I was interested in the changes motherhood would make to me as a person. This year I watched Comic Relief through a haze of tears, trying to hold back sobs, which wouldn't have happened before. I feel for all the children in the world and now give more to charity and sponsor a child etc. This is what I hoped for with motherhood and I feel so lucky that I got it. I also felt ready for a change this big. I was happy before, but change is life and my life would have felt incomplete without my being my son's mother. It has given me new direction, a new perspective on life, a different focus, changed my career (for the better).... some of these things I anticipated and hoped for, some have come as surprises. I certainly didn't enjoy the sleep deprivation of months three to eight (before then I think I survived on elation and adrenaline) and sometimes felt really sad and exhausted, frustrated and baffled. But less than I have at work! And my son is a lot nicer than any of my previous bosses. Yes, I sometimes would like to lie in with my dh until midday, or to drive around America with just dh and me, or just to walk out of the house without a thought about another person, but every night (truly) dh & I go to bed and talk about how lucky we are to have such a wonderful little boy. I love the feeling of being a family, too. It just feels very loving and 'right'. I liked the miraculous feeling of being pregnant too, and felt very close to my ds while pregnant, which I thought I would. I suppose I just knew that raising a child would be something that I would love doing. On a morbid note, when he was about six months old, I realised that even if a terrible tragedy occurred and he died, I would be glad I had had him and happy to have shared his life however brief and that I would always be his mother. I couldn't ask for more.