DD is 5 months and I have just discovered I am pregnant.

[Benjy]

I don't know how far along the pregnancy is but don't think it's more than 4-5 weeks so early stages.

I am supposedly infertile (PCOS) and had fertility treatment to conceive DD. DH and I weren't using contraception because we believed there was no need and while we thought we would need help to conceive again, hoped against the odds that in a year or two of trying naturally we might get lucky. Didn't expect it to happen almost immediately, didn't expect it to happen at all tbh!

I am in shock and wondering how I am going to cope with two young babies 12 months apart and no family or friends nearby. DD is currently not in a routine.

Is there anyone around with a similiar gap between children who can offer advice?

I had really bad pregnancies (I mean life threatening both times) Hyper Emysis, operations and lots of other issues. You manaage.

I also took DS1 swimming to music class etc and guess what - I now take the two of them and have since DS2 was six weeks old and that includes swimming. I would have gone earlier, but I had a c-section. Babys are adaptable and you can manage two, just as you can manage one. Dont feel guilty for not having longer with DS1. It is not as though she understands about anoter DC coming along and she can not realy be jelous.

I still take them both to an activioty a day, be it swimming, library, toddler groups, music and movement or shopping. We go on lots of walks and we do lots of reading.

Yes you have to be organised, but it is so rewarding. I snuggle up on a night on the sofa with one each side and they cuddle each other and tell each other how much they love eacch other.

You will manage

Benjy you won't have to stop doing things with your dd. As long as you feel up to it, I think most swimming classes etc are happy for you to put your baby in the playpen next to the pool, or in the car seat, pushchair. Also toddler groups were great at this stage, especially once number 2 becomes more aware - there's so much for them to look at.

You will be able to do things but you also have to take life very slowly. Don't expect to achieve too much in a day. By the time I had fed one, fed the other, changed one, changed the other, it was already lunchtme. I accepted this slow pace of life quite quickly but my dh used to get frustrated by it, e.g. complaining that I hadn;t managed to do even one simple thing he asked me to do such as post a letter.

I can relate to feeling like you are somehow letting your dd down by having another baby so quickly, but believe me after no time at all it will seem really normal to have 2 and you will love them both just as much as your dd.

COngratulations! I am pregnant with my second baby, due in april. My DD was only 6 months old when I got pregnant the second time.

It has been hard with morning sickness etc and having DD to look after, but we have coped.

Trust me in that you will very soon get used to the idea and get your head around it. Don't rush into getting a double buggy etc, have a good look around, read reviews, try them out etc. We got ours from freecycle and it just happens to be perfect for us. It is a Mothercare pheonix tandem, but we don't get buses etc so have very different requirements.

will probably be hard for the first bit but after that, it will be well worth it. I also only wanted 2 children, so hoping that I can get my life sorted when DD2 starts school, and maybe go to Uni.

Good luck, I am sure you will be fine!

"Benjy - your heart stretches as much as you pelvic ligaments do. You love them all the same"

Northern, thats a fab way of putting it
Its very true.

Benjy, I was exactly the same. My very first thoughts was that I couldn't do it. I just couldn't possibly go through another pregnancy so soon after giving birth!
I too had sickness, SPD and had the most horrendous time with anxiety. I was just starting to get a little better and it felt like this was all I needed to make me bad again. But it wasn't like that, and if anything when I had ds2 I felt so much better. People commened on how I had changed.

As for your dd, she won't notice anything different. She will still love you just as much and having a little brother or sister to play with will be great!

My middle 2 are 14 months apart and it really was okay.

the elder one was only jealous for a couple of days and only if Dh held the baby, she wasn't bothered about me holding/feeding it!

I had chronic spd in that pregnancy, had crutches etc etc (and dd didn't walk until after I had the baby and she was a 98th centile girl!). My best advice is to go and see an osteopath/physio who is qualified to treat pregnant women. It did absolute wonders, I threw away the crutches!!! In my last pregnancy the spd never got as bad because I knew the early warning signs so I rested much more and did nothing to aggrevate it etc.

You will just have to train your dh to help. As soon as dh came home he did all the lifting and carrying of dd, I used to put her in the pushchair to push her to the car, I hardly ever carried her.

I set up a changing station downstairs partly because I couldn't do the stairs due to spd and partly so I didn't have to abandon the older one when changing the baby.

Personally I have found the small age gap wonderful it was hard work as the younger one had undiagnosed silent reflux (treated at 6 months) but it can't have been that bad as we went onto to have the youngest. (am def stopping at 4 though!)

Congratulations,

Try not to worry too much as you will cope, it will be hard but somehow you will get through it.

Just think what lovely playmates they will be. x

Hi Benjy

I have 2 boys born the 23/12/06 and 20/12/07 I was lucky? enough to be staying with my mil for the first 9 weeks while recovering from the birth and spd I had in 2nd pregnancy whilst my new house was finished.

I won't beat around the bush, it is very difficult at first, especially with a toddler who is ultra sensitive and a newborn with reflux in my case, but once you get the new one sleeping at night it is much easier, although you don't have much of a routine for your first, you may wish to encourage one especially a lunchtime nap, so that hopefully they can nap together and you can have a break (don't bite me but I loosely followed gina ford)

One of the main things to remember, is that the new baby is almost certainly going to be diffrent to your first, also I would consider using baby led weaning as it will make things a lot easier in the future.

With buggys I personally got a side to side one as I didn't like the idea of the back one not seeing everything, but it really depends on your circumstances and needs.

I was still able to take my ds1 swimming as I simply enlisted the swimming instructor to help and take one the first week and the other the next once ds2 was around 8 weeks most other classes you can easily take number 2 along to without to much fuss Tumbletots was quite fun with newborn snoozing in a carrier I even went to soft play and on the stuff with no 2 in his carrier.

My firstborn, apart from a recent poisoning and smothering attempt has not really obviously minded no 2 as he was too young to really care and although I do find the television goes on for the sake of my sanity and I have put them in nursery for a half day a week as I get very little support from my oh now the youngest is walking it some respects its getting easier

Hi, I have 11 months between DS and DD. DS was 14 weeks old when I found out I was 4 weeks pregnant!

I found it very tough at first, but only because DD was a very demanding baby and wouldn't go to anyone apart from me. It is slowly getting easier and they love to play together now (they are 3.7 and 2.8) however they fight a lot as well!

I don't think DS missed out by having a little sister so quickly, if anything people went out of their way to make him feel even more special and it was dd who missed out on the attention!

Good luck, and congratulations

hi benjy,
just wanted to say, i'm 32weeks gone with DS2 adn i felt exactly the same as you.

MY DS1 was only 5mths when i found out i was expecting and i was so nervous that i would push him to grow up too soon/ fast or he would 'miss' me whilst having to share me with his sibling.

Now i have really come round to having two close together in age and it does not seem as daunting.
you are prob a little bit in shock, but looking at the responses i think that a close age gap is really good for both babies.

altho, when DS goes down for a nap, i find i really need one too!

Congratulations!

I was chatting about this just last week to a friend whose first two DCs are 13 months apart. She said the first years were tough, and she does feel in retrospect (and having had a third baby after a further 3-and-a-bit year gap) that she didn't get to fully enjoy the baby stage of either her DC1 or her DC2 (DC1 because she was pregnant and feeling crap, DC2 because she was chasing after DC1). But as soon as the DCs got a bit older it was good -- they play together all the time and share a room by choice even though they could have their own rooms. And there weren't any jealousy issues because DC1 was so young when DC2 arrived.

I'm resurrecting this thread because I am due to give birth in 4-5 weeks and getting increasingly nervous about my ability to cope!

DD is now in a routine of sorts. She has one daytime nap, although the timing of this varies: sometimes she sleeps in the morning; other times from 12.30ish - 2.30. She has a bedtime routine (bath, story, bottle and cuddle) and is in her cot for about 7.30. We have set meal times. Other than that each day is flexible.

Any advice would be appreciated, particularly around getting DC2 into a routine. I was entirely led by DD for a long time and didn't start a bedtime routine until around 7 months. She would fall asleep in the living room with us and then I would move her to her crib. I would like to get DC2 in his crib at a similiar time as DD, even though he will obviously wake a few times for feeds. At what point is this realistic and how should I settle him?

Another issue is that DD is very clingy. She always has been. For the first 6 weeks I held her almost constantly because she would cry if I tried to put her down and would only stop if she was picked up again. She hated slings. Am very worried about how I'll cope with DD's clinginess if DC2 also turns out to be like this. She has just turned 1 and not only will she not let me out of her sight, she becomes very distressed if she can see me but there is what she considers to be too much physical distance between us, say if I'm at one end of the room and she's at the other! On some days it is so bad that if I'm out of touching distance, she starts to cry. I worry a lot about how I can meet the demands of another baby when she is like this.

Would also be good to hear how others coped with a small age gap especially in the early months.