DD keeps hitting me - am I handling it OK?

[CharCharGaboriaInExcelsisDeo]

She's 16 months, and in a big phase of hitting me. It's usually due to being frustrated or having to do something she doesn't want to do. I've been saying 'gently' and holding her hand and stroking it on me. When she copies by stroking I praise her. If she carries on I put her down and ignore her for a bit, but she doesn't seem bothered by this. Am I doing the right thing?

She also hits me when I'm trying to get her to sleep and she doesn't want to. She's definitely tired but hates sleeping and tries to resist as hard as she can. I do the 'gently' thing again but if she carries on I'm not sure what to do. If I put her down then she's got what she wants as she wants to play. What should I do?

I try not to let it bother me but it's quite upsetting. I know she's not doing it to deliberately hurt me but just testing the boundaries but it's not nice to be hurt by your child and it's knocking my confidence a bit. Any help would be much appreciated

you sound like you are doing very well charchar. my dd is 15 months and hits my face often - not dh's though

i have to admit to not doing the "gently" thing any more, although i used to; because now she is doing it out of rage, not out of curiosity - although your dd could be doing it out of curiosity?

I say to dd, if you hit mummy again you will go down/off my lap/away/i will move you etc. she generally looks at me and does it again so i dump her unceremoniously on the floor away from me, turn away from her and engage myself in something utterly absorbing. She screams with fury, but it does subside after about 20 seconds, when i pick her up, tell her i love her but she mustn't hit mummy. This method has worked for my dd and today she went to hit me and stopped and just touched my face and walked away - although i didn't know how to handle that, should i have praised her? i didn't, i just stroked her hair as she passed me...

With regard to sleeping, i turn dd upside down, ie her feet to my feet if she hits me when i'm trying to sleep. however, she is now kicking me so i'm not sure this is working. Although i did sit up in bed, hold her legs and say to her face in a stern voice "We DO NOT kick" which resulted in a giggle, but she didn't do it again....

HTH

Thanks dbmt DD hits DP a little but definitely not as much as me. DD seems to mostly hit out of curiosity but occasionally out of frustration i.e. if I stop her from doing something she really wants to do. I'll try your method, sounds like it's been successful DD seems to be testing me to see how I'll react so I'm trying to get it right. I'll stick with it and see how it goes, she's only been doing it for about a week so far.

With the sleeping, it's when she's on my knee in the chair and I'm trying to bf her to sleep before she goes in the cot. She hits me loads, I try to make her be gentle, she carries on, I get stressed, she stays awake. Tis not a good cycle to get into!

I think she's quite young and I doubt she's hitting to hurt you either. She's just dicovering her physical self. However, we have always just used a very short no hitting / bitting etc instruction and moving the hand away. If she continues I'd do the put on floor or walk away thing and tell her that hitting isn't nice.

PS It is a phase all (I imagine) children go through. My DD is now hitting to hurt (she's in her terrible twos) and again I think it's a phase. She gets the same 'punishment', sometimes plonked away from me and firm words etc so don't blame yourself if you don't get instant results.

Thanks ginger. I'll just stick with plonking and ignoring then and hopefully she'll get over it

I posted something similar a few months ago as ds was biting pinching and hair-pulling at the same sort of age. It has cut down a lot now but I found that reacting angrily just made him try and get to me to do it again. If I was putting him to bed and he did it I would calmly plonk him in his bed, say goodnight and walk away from him. After about 20-30 seconds I would come back and he'd be very cooperative. I felt bad but after 30 minutes of him trying to hurt me in temper (overtired usually) I usually needed a breather anyway.

During the day if he did it I'd just do what you do- plop on the floor and ignore him. I have to say that nowadays he is much more sensitive to my feelings and if I look sad and make sad noises (awww! ) he will come over and give me lots of kisses and things will be better again. Often I do that to diffuse the situation as it gives him a way out, if that makes sense?

Good luck anyway. I found it all very frustrating!

Actualy that's a good point, my DD will respond if I tell her that I'm upset. She says 'sorry mummy are you alright?'

My DD is now 21 mo and has been doing this for months. She hits me, she bites, she pinches, she scratches. She likes to rake her fingernails through my cheek or reach up and grab my face and twist and pinch. It is really upsetting.

She tends to do it most when she is supposed to be going to sleep. I normally warn her the first time and then when she does it again I dump her in her cot. She screams and screams and I leave her for a while. Normally she'll then go to sleep when I pick her back up.

I can't understand why she is so vicious and wanting to hurt. We don't do it to her and none of my other DCs did it.

Catweazle, I think it's just a way of expressing themselves. Maybe she is just trying to get some attention. Is this time soley you and her time (if you have others)? If so, it might be that she's just trying to claim mummy for herself. I don't think their intentions are to harm or hurt, just an expression of some other emotion they're feeling.

She gets tons of attention. Her brothers are 17, 19 and 21 so she is effectively an only.