Bad day

[rockbottom]

Hello
Have just posted under the relationship section re. my relationship with dh which has really reached the end of the road it feels like. I am also annoyed with how I mismanaged ds's care today. You know most days go how you think they need to go and you do everything with your child's interest at heart, then suddenly on one given day you seem to lose the plot... I went shopping with ds (16 months) this evening in the hope that he would sleep a little in the car (he is breastfed to sleep in the morning for his main nap but I am finding this impossible to do for his evening nap - I suppose he is growing out of this nap but he still seems to need it sometimes - like today he was throwing himself around in what seemed to be a tired unmanageable state). Anyway he did not sleep for ages but got frustrated in his buggy instead... I was in John Lewis with him frustrated trying to pay at a till for something I don't really need when really he should have been asleep or at home about to have his dinner. Anyway, he then fell asleep in the car on the way home and slept for one hour in the car seat - much too late. He then had dinner really late and stayed up really late. The upshot of all this being that I was really tired and felt at the end of my tether as I had been with him in quite an "uncontrollable" (though very sweet) mood all afternoon. He was then trying to get inside a drawer and instead of letting him do it (supervised) like I would normally I just pulled him out, didn't realise he was holding on to the counter top so pulled his hand in the process, and didn't really explain why I was doing it, and walked out of the room on my own. He followed me crying and I just said I didn't want to do drawer (I'm sure this made sense to him)... I just feel bad that I behaved in this way when normally he could do it - not very consistent. I feel ds had to suffer because of my bad planning and tiredness...
Dh and I are really not getting on and this really doesn't help...
Anyway, just wanted to know if you have those days (or afternoons) where you really just want to start again?

Forgot to add, beating myself up even more, than when he did fall asleep in the car, at first I thought I would get him out after about 5 minutes so was banging the doors shut because I thought it would be alright if he woke up... Very insensitive... Then later just before he went to bed I used some cream which he can't really touch because it leaks - of course he wanted it and I knew he would so why didn't I wait till after he had gone to bed????? That was another mini crying session...

Rockbottom you really are beating yourself up you poor thing. Believe me, I have had days like yours and at the end of the day, I don't know why I did the things I did sometimes. I also used to take ds out occasionally when he was tired and it messed up his routine, but things like that happen sometimes and you just learn from experience what you should do differently the next time. You can't be perfect all the time and as far as waiting to use the cream when he was asleep, if you're anything like me you just go into 'automatic' and don't think ahead sometimes. That's perfectly normal. There have been many times when I've done something and thought (for example) "Why did I do that while ds was around, now he's seen it and will probably throw a wobbly when I don't let him have it." You just can't be on the ball 24 hours a day. You can TRY, but you'll get worn out in the process.

I hope things get better with you & your dh. As far as getting uptight with your ds, that is also normal and you wouldn't be human if you didn't react sometimes. I feel for you because I tend to berate myself too, but I just know that everything can't be done perfectly all the time. Best of luck with everything.

Thanks for your kind message Holly02.. I felt a lot better as soon as I had slept for night...