Struggling big time - please help

[lulu41]

I am having a really bad time with my dcs - 5 and 11 - I love them both dearly but am having real trouble liking them most days - they argue constantly and my little one causes a lot of unnecessary arguments in our house as my dp will often side with her and be too harsh with ds. I feel like our family life is a battle field most of the time and its getting to the point that I just dont want to go home anymore. I dont like the sort of parent I have become - all too often shouting getting stressed - I am on anti depressants and have been for a weeks now first of all seemed to make a difference but not now. I dont know what to do - can anyone please suggest ways that I get make my kids get on to stop the constant battles - please

Hi Lulu, so sorry you are having such a hard time, it's really horrible when it gets like that. It also becomes a real cycle with dc misbehaving, us shouting and their behaviour then getting worse. If you feel the anti-depressants aren't working anymore it might be worth going back to your GP and asking to have the dose reviewed as perhaps you are not on the right amount. Have you tried talking to your children about how their behaviour makes you feel, they are old enough to begin to understand the effect they have on others now. Perhaps it might help sitting down as a family with your dc and dp and asking them how they think the situation can be resolved because it sounds like no one is very happy at the moment.

Hope things begin to improve, good luck...

Greenbeanie I have talked until I'm blue in the fact (what an expression!) they are all in agreement to change help etc but nothing ever changes. My dp is not the sort to sit and talk so that element of parenting invariably comes from me. Thanks for your good wishes

"blue in the face" should have ready

should have read !! god I'm good at this

Have you talked to your DP about his tendency to side with your DD over DS? No matter how much you treat them equally, your DS will surely resent DD if she is the 'favourite'. I have no idea whether you being extra nice to DS would make it worse or better - someone else will doubtless have experience here.

Also, ignore ignore ignore - my parents would only get involved in our sibling arguments if it got seriously violent, and I am sure that their lack of interest made us realise that there was nothing to be gained in terms of attention by antagonising each other.

I would also talk to GP about AD dose - if you are on a v low dose it shouldn't be a drama to up it slightly if they help you.

Thanks Hopefully I am going to see GP tomorrow think I may ask for a higher dose this time round - thanks for your advice I try to ignore but if dp is around he just takes over !!! I have made a list today of what I really want to be like (sort of getting my groove back type thing) and I really do want to be the parent I was maybe 2 years ago - way nicer !! I am the grown up here - its hard though - thanks