PLEASE help with potty training!! How do I go shopping??!!

[pootle1803]

Hi, have had DS (2.8) out of nappies during day for over 3 weeks now but it feels like it's going really slowly. He goes to nursery 2 whole days a week and every day that he's there I still have to wash about 6 pairs of trousers and pants including really pooey ones.
He has definitely got better, 2 weeks ago I nearly gave up as sooo many accidents but didn't and at home now he probably has a couple of accidents a day still, mainly just wees. We use a reward chart which really helps. In just pants or nothing he's great but wearing trousers is when he has most accidents.

Maybe he's not actually ready?? but I definitely don't want to give up as new baby due in 3 weeks! But... HOW do I go shopping and where is acceptable for a child to use a travel potty? My helpful friends (not) who have just gone through it tell me that they can hold it in for hours after a couple of weeks but my DS goes all the time and I just know he wouldn't be able to hold it in for even a couple of minutes so we could get to the supermarket/shop/any public toilet. So, can I suddenly put the travel potty down in the middle of the shop? I don't agree with using training pants to go out as he treats those as if he's got a nappy on.

Please help, what can I do? I'm desperate to get out to "normal" places on my own with him. At the weekend I rely on DH to help me (bending down now difficult as 8 months pregnant) and we have been to friends, grandma's, soft play where it's easy to deal with any accidents. Any advice much appreciated, thanks.

I found DS didn't like the travel potty as it was too low and unstable. So I bought a very small potty (rather than the 'throne' he had at home!) and put that in a small drawstring bag that I hung off the buggy.

When DS needed to go, I'd just find a quiet corner of a shop - by the fire exit, outside a shop in the corner - and he'd go. But my top tip is to put a sheet or two of kitchen roll in the bottom of the potty to soak up the worst of the wee/poo, then that goes in a nappy sack, then wipe the potty round with a disinfectant wipe. It all goes in the bin then, rather than trying to find a drain/toilet to dispose of it.

Thanks for the tips MummyGorilla.
Does anyone else have any advice at all?

Oh heavens - STOP!!!!!!! I wouldn't normally say this, as I think in general it can be worth persevering, but with a new baby due in 3 weeks you must be a little bit mad!! I know about this. I was crazy enough to think it was a good idea to potty train DD1 4 weeks befoe DD2 was born (ha ha ha), my SIL just did exactly the same thing with her DD about 3 months ago, about 3 weeks before her DS was born. Do you know how long it takes a newly potty trained child to realise that a quick poo in the pants will get ALL the attention back on them just the very minute you have sat down to breast feed the new baby???? The answer is less than 30 seconds!

Also with the level of accidents you are describing it doesn't sound like he is really getting the hang of it, doesn't really sound ready to me - they do usually pick it up pretty quickly (within a week or so) if they are ready.

With DD1 my best friend put a stop to the madness, told me in no uncertain terms to get her back in nappies and stop stressing and to enjoy the last week or so with her on her own before the new baby turned up. When DD2 was a about 3 months old and things were calm (both DD1 and I had adjusted to her) we tried again. DD1 was completely dry in 3 days, poos took another day or so, but within a week that was it. MY SIL has put her DD1 back in nappies too after a horrendous time with her and baby DS and I KNOW that when she tries again after Christmas her DD will train almost instantly.

I think it can be VERY hard to accept you need to take a step back, but please, for you sanity, just do it. The last few weeks before a new baby are stressful for everyone, your DS will know that something is up. He doesn't need the pressure right now, he needs to enjoy his time alone with you before your focus switches to the baby. It truly is NOT a good time for potty training. Wait two months - it's not the end of the world.

I tried to potty train Ds when he was 2.4 and he really didn't get the hang of it at all. I thought he had as he was ok if he was at home but nursery was a nightmare and he would only use the potty if he had no trousers on. I gave up.

I tried again at 2.8 and he caught on really quickly. After a week or so he was hardly having any wee accidents and I just have to make sure that I take him to the loo before we go anywhere and whilst we are out I will take him again if we pass a loo. Poos are another matter but hopefully he'll get the hang of it soon!

From what you describe it really does sound like he's not ready. I would go back to nappies, enjoy your boy and your new baby and try again in the new year.

Don't take a potty to use in shops, that is gross. If he isn't reliable enough while out to hold it while getting to a toilet, put him in a nappy or a pull-up until you get home.

Letting a child wee or poo on a potty in a shop is revolting.

he's not ready and you cannot cope with this with a new baby due any day now (don't forget, 37 weeks plus is full term.... you are full term in your preg!)

he will regress when the baby arrives and you will resent him for causing you extra hassle when you have a tiny baby to cope with.

leave it for now and try again another time.... trust me, 2 in nappies is alot easier than 1 in nappies and one wandering around in wet pants 24/7.... i speak having experianced both!

I would pack it in too. Once the new baby arrives in 3 wks (or soon after) you will have to deal with regression, and you risk making the whole toilet thing into such a saga that he could have serious hang ups.

Give yourself and DS a break - hold off on the toilet training till the spring. Your baby will be an established member of the family, your son will be a bit older and more ready, and you will be able to get the pants and trousers dry more easily too.

FWIW, it took my DS about 5mths to go from nappies to pants without accidents, and even now (at 3) he wets himself if he is really tired or ailing. Some weeks he did really well, others he had loads of accidents. You have to just be prepared to ignore the accidents and give him time to get the physical control and bladder capacity that comes with lots of practice!

Geepers, I don't think letting a just potty-trained child wee in a discrete doorway or corner of a shop is disgusting, it is necessary as they can't hold it but get distressed if they 'wet' themselves once they are potty trained. There's a stage between being completely dry and able to hold it for a few minutes, and being happy to wee in nappies.

Not really a very pleasant or sensible comment.

I've had four children and never needed to let any of my children urinate or deficate in a shop.

What do you do when eating out? Or on a bus? Or in the car? Or in the supermarket? If a child can't hold on long enough to get to a toilet, they should be in a nappy or a pull-up.

I see nothing unpleasant in my comment. However, it is unpleasant for a child to relieve themselves in a potty in a shop.

Having to wash six pairs of trousers a day means STOP!!!!!!!

Oh dear.... just checked my thread and seen all the responses. In a real dilemma now. I see where you're all coming from, I really do but I suppose I had no idea it would take him this long to gain control.
We actually started potty training in August and again it was going slowly but progressing then DS hurt his leg and was unable to walk so we had to give up. Therefore it seemed natural to try again and friends had drummed it in to me that it must be done before the new baby comes....

It seems like all the hard work (really hard) we've done and progression we have actually made would be completely wasted if I gave up now. Again, "helpful" people seem to say that it would be disastrous to put him back in nappies now.

Maybe I will just try the pull ups so that I can actually get out of the house with confidence. Actually they did end up putting him in one yesterday at nursery as they were throwing away so many pants. If I still reinforce the using the potty before getting in the car etc. we could try and persevere at home. But I really hadn't considered the fact that he'll get my attention in 30 seconds while I'm breastfeeding scenario! Oh dear, it's suddenly crept up on us this baby's arrival (planned c-section 3 weeks today!).

I'll stop droning on now. Thanks for all your advice so far.

If you want to try pull ups (which some people advised me to avoid altogether, as they had found it put their kids back in terms of toilet training - I think it confused them), you might want to give cotton training pants a go (Kushies do them in nice funky patterns). Then if he pees the pants, he will feel it immediately and can ask to be changed - it would give you a bit of leeway, as his clothes would not require washing and you wouldn't have to get to him that very minute (e.g. when you are BFing the baby).

I don't know that postponing potty training would be such a disaster, it sounds like you started quite young anyway (he must have been, what, 2 years and 5mths in August?). It sounds like the whole issue is taking over your life at the moment, and it would be nice for you to be able to relax and concentrate on preparing for the new baby, as well as spending the last few weeks with your firstborn in a less stressed mood. It might even be that come the spring, your DS asks to be in pants again, and may be more ready for it.

Just thoughts really. I am sure you will find your own way, and if it helps you to "drone on" here, then go for it!

Aha, thanks NappyXmas - just did a quick search on training pants, looks like they're just what I need!
DS does now say "nappies are for babies" so I don't think I'll force him back in to nappies and will go for the training pant option when I need a bit of confidence! ie. car/ shopping/ breastfeeding. I'm going to do my absolute best not to get stressed out by accidents at home and will enjoy my last few weeks with him on his own. As to whether I'll be offending anyone by getting out the potty in public, well we'll just have to see!

I had a word with nursery this morning and have asked them to not give me back poo caked trousers thank you very much... so they will be rinsing them and should make my washload slightly easier.

Who knows?, maybe he'll surprise me and crack it in the next couple of weeks. I'm going to look forward to Christmas now. Thank you.

I felt JUST like you about putting DD1 back into nappies before DD2 was born, but I'm so glad I did, it made life so much easier. I also had a c-section and you are quite weak for a little while afterwards and a newly potty trained child is phyically quite hard work, so again, not ideal. One thing I wanted to add, I'm sure the work you have done so far will NOT have been wasted - as I said before my DD1 trained almost instantly when we tried her a few months later. I'm sure that is partly bacause she knew what was expeced of her due to our previous attempts.

I am expecting baby no. 3 in April and am desperate to train DD2 now (who is really too young and it's been a disaster so far). I have given myself until the new year to keep trying but if we're not there by early Jan, then I'll call it a day until the summer. In my experience there is absolutely no point potty training a chid less than 3 months before a new baby arrives. Regression is a really big problem, but even after they are trained (and stay that way) they still need constant vigilence for a couple of months and it is really quite wearing when you have a small baby too. Believe me, two in nappies is way easier than that newly tained stage (which your DS has not even got near to reaching yet in any event). Funnily enough, my motivation in training DD2 isn't so much to avoid 2 in nappies (done that before and it's not an issue), I just long for a little bit of time with no-one in nappies!!

I am usualy a cloth nappy user, and not keen on disposables, but that said, I'm not sure I would recommend you use cotton training pants on your DS. They only really work for a child that is basically trained but occasionally finds they let out a tiny bit of wee on their way to the potty. They do not hold a whole wee and trousers etc will all still need changing if a full wee is done in them. I think you'd be better sticking to disposable pull ups - treating them as a nappy rather than pants, but you can still easily keep up regular trips to the potty in your DS' routine.

I agree with you Nelly that cotton training pants do not hold the wee in like a disposable pull-up nappy (IME they wick quite quickly), but that said, they do afford you 10mns and save the outerwear from requiring washing. If the child is aware of that he has wee-ed, arguably he is less likely to get confused.

Anyway, whatever you decide to do, have a good xmas.