Imaginary friend. What's the best way to deal with it?

[ceciliaaherne]

I know lots of children go through this but this is dc3 and my first experience. There are a couple flitting about but the main protaginist (who has a name that I have never heard of, but dd is quite definite that is her name) pops in several times a day. This friend tells her to do certain things and wants certain things and is apparently " her best friend" to which I usually respond " I thought that was me". Wrong? Sometimes I humour her, sometimes I ask her to tell her friend it is time to go home. Tonight she had planned on staying the night . Dd is 3 and a tad too young for this planned sleepover I felt.

What I really want to know, from those of you who have had experience of this is

1. Why? Is there something lacking in her life that she feels she has to introduce this other element?
   
2. How will this progress and how should I play it?
   
   Thanks in advance

[whomovedmychocolate]

It's just a stage. Just play along. How wonderful that she has such an imagination, can you remember how great it was when you could create whole other realities in your head? It doesn't mean you are doing anything wrong or that there is anything wrong with her either - it's just something they do.

But to answer your most pressing (unwritten) question, no, it is not necessary to buy the imaginary friend a christmas present.

[ruddynorah]

play along. ask what her friend wants for tea.

[ceciliaaherne]

Thank you. I hadn't thought of the presnt thing actually but I'm sure the friend may drop it into conversation.

[ceciliaaherne]

Tonight I asked her lots of questions about her- age, what she looked like, what she was wearing, what she liked (uncannily similar things to dd and all things she could see out of the corner of her eye , where her mum was while she was at ours ( work apparently. She answered them so confidently it was as if this girl was in the room.

[whomovedmychocolate]

It can also work to your advantage 'I'm sure Soren Lorenson (or other imaginary friend's name) would eat all her sprouts!'

'Oh I'm sorry, there is no chocolate left, your friend ate it!'

[ceciliaaherne]

Tried it tonight at the sleepover thing.. I said that if the friend was staying then she wouldn't need me to come up and lie with her for a while. She said the friend had requested I come. I siad I didn't think there would be room and suddenly she had hopped off into the night. Thanks for making me feel better about it.

[whomovedmychocolate]

Ah don't worry about it. My nephews all had them and I had to read them stories but the nephews stayed 'to check I read them right' .

On a cognitive level your daughter is trying different scenarios and personality traits on for size, seeing what works, negotiating the trickier aspects of social development - she must be very bright!

[ceciliaaherne]

Wow! You are impressive whomovedmychocolate! You have also made it all sound so reasonable. Thanks a million!

[HoHoHotcrossbunny]

I heart whomovedmychocolate You are describing my dd(5). She has 3 imaginary friends, 2 girls and a boy. They often try to get her into trouble etc etc and disappear when she is busy and doesn't 'need' them. They're a bit like a comfort blanket for her and they see her through new and unsettling times. I like them being there (most of the time) but have been known to blame them for things not happening eg 'Naney took sooooo long to eat her tea, we've only time for one story tonight'....

[MerrySibhmas]

When DS was 2.5 he had two friends, Jim and Jack, who had blue faces. Jack always crashed the car so Jim drove. They often knocked on the door, and I had to shake hands with them. Woe betide me if I picked the wrong height to shake at. Over time, they acquired a mummy, Julia, who abandoned them for weeks just after DD was born. DS was cross with me of course, and Julia returned the day before he told me he loved me again. They also had a little brother called Ozlin K Sozlin. They were builders and he did work for them for £7 a day.

In the end, quite brilliantly, they ripped him off on a major building project and when they spent all the money they owed him on beer and betting on horses (my dad's hobbies emerging here) he ditched them.

I kind of miss them. When I asked after them the other day he looked vaguely embarassed. About 10 minutes ago I described DS, now nearly six, as fabulously nuts on another thread because according to him there were 64 lions in the playroom at one point today. He dictates really brilliant stories that we make into books. His imagination is wonderful. Julia gave me a fantastic invisible recipe book which helped to broaden his taste in foods.

I'd say sit back and enjoy it, and make use of the friend when you can, but I know that not everyone is comfortable with how far this can go. A deeply practical friend of mine just couldn't cope with Jim and Jack at all ... Any mention of them had to be banned when she was about.

The funniest thing I ever heard on the radio was an hour-long phone-in on Radio Five about imaginary friends, many of whom met spectacular deaths.

[MerrySibhmas]

Ozlin Chair Sozlin (apologies to all the Sozlins)

[ceciliaaherne]

Is Naney the name? It is veeeeeeeeeeeery similar to my dd's pal's name. Maybe she pops between houses?

[ceciliaaherne]

Thanks Merrysibhmas. Your story is great and your ds sounds very knowledgable about the building trade.

[PortAndStilton]

DS only had one for about six weeks, but it was very useful.

DS: I don't NEED to do a wee
Me: Oh, right. Well, does Spotty Horse need to do a wee?
DS: [after some thought] Yes
Me: He'd better go to the bathroom, then
DS: OK... I'm going with Spotty Horse [goes and does wee]

It's never been so easy to get him to do stuff, before or afterwards .

[ceciliaaherne]

Dd's appears a bit minxy and unlikely to cooperate. A bit like dd now I come to mention it

[PortAndStilton]

Ah, now DS's actual soft toys had personalities rather like that (but remained resolutely visible so not really imaginary). Giraffe in particular appeared to channel DS's more challenging side.

[ceciliaaherne]

Am now looking forward to when she comes over tomorrow. Now I must go to bed as she may be here early. Thanks again. Night all!

[RebeccaX]

My DD (aged 4) has 2 imaginery friends. I've become quite fond of them and will miss them when she grows out of them

[Drusilla]

DS has several but they are all animals, rather than people (although interestingly they are ALL female). The dog is around the most often - he even took her to pre-school with him when his great-granny died and he was a bit shaken up. I go along with them completely, I think it's great One of the rabbits can drive (apparently) and so the rabbits have their own car that they follow us around in when we go out in our car

[Drusilla]

Btw he is 3.5 and they have been around for about a year or so. We have a dog and he is generally quite good with animals, so I am going to get a couple of hamsters or something after Christmas and will see what happens to all the imaginary ones.

[squeaver]

My dd is 4 and had a whole gang. I was a little bit concerned when she started her new nursery because she talks about them A LOT, but was very reassured on here.

They seem to mainly exist for the purposes of dd's never shutting up story-telling e.g. "Yesterday I was round at Ginny's house and such and such happened.."

I like it.

[Notreallycutoutforthis]

My DS seems to have grown out of them now he's at school but had 2. the first one, who had the same name as DS, 'got too big and died'. The second had a very foreign sounding name and went to live with a friend's little boy after a while. But from the beginning I was a stern mummy and insisted that imaginary/invisible friends only needed imaginary/invisible cake/toothbrushes/chairs/rocketships etc...

[Drusilla]

Oh yes, once my mother was cutting up runner beans and offered DS one for his rabbits. He looked straight at her and very scathingly said "They are pretend you know, Granny"

[Notreallycutoutforthis]

LOL

[Bucharest]

The imaginary friend in our house is called Donald. She's a girl and her mum's name is James.......
She's being taught to sing a lot of nativity play stuff at the moment.....
(dd is just 5)