Does anyone else have a baby they can't put down? I am finding it very stressful...

[constancereader]

Dd is 10 weeks and is glued to me. She will not sleep alone, in fact she won't sleep unless she is propped up on my arm or chest. I can't put her down at home at all (she is better when out and about and tends to sleep in her buggy/carseat). If I get up to go to the loo in the night and leave her she is crying before I get to the bathroom. It is particularly difficult when dh is gigging as I have to see to my 22 month ds who still wakes quite often. The other night they were both crying for me in different rooms and I had a very peculiar moment, my stomach clenched really tightly and I stood in between them absolutely FROZEN with indecision and crying with frustration. I then took ds into bed with me and dd, so dealt with it fine in the end , it just worried me that I had such a peculiar moment. Then I took ds back and dd was crying AGAIN by the time I got back to bed so I had to settle her again and it took hours.

I have a ring sling but she hates it, a baby bjorn which she only settles in if I am walking, and an Amby Nest which she doesn't sleep in.

I haven't bothered to cook myself anything to eat tonight as I couldn't face listening to her cry as I prepared it so I ate cornflakes awkwardly at the table while feeding her and dropping milk on her head

Did any of you have a baby like this, who developed more of an independent streak when a little older?

Are you my soulmate constance?! I've also posted recently about ds who is 9 weeks tomorrow, and won't be put down, even in the buggy. He is often happy in the sling/carrier though, as long as I keep moving. We bought an Amby nest a week ago, but haven't had much success with it yet.

I am also still feeding 2.10 yr old dd.

I presume you've tried cranial osteopathy in case she genuinely has a headache when she lies down?

We called it 'the time of yellow food' as all things you can eat with one hand seem to be yellow.
My husband noted my rock bottom moment as standing rocking gently in Tesco cereal aisle grasping a box of cornflakes and saying 'but look it has the all the recommended vitamins- I dont NEED anything else'. A sling saved the day (you can, ahem poop, without taking it off or waking the baby). Would it would be worth borrowing different ones if you can, til you find one she likes? Feeding an older child as well- I am very impressed that you are still coherent enough to type. It will all get better as many have said but have a look at what you can do now to ease things. How do you feel about weaning your son or is that a non started at the moment?

DS was like this and (I hate to say) it went on for a very long time, but it wasn't exactly the same all the way through. He's 3 now and very independent in lots of ways, often tells me to go away and I get lots of MN housework time in.

I second the suggestion of a stretchy wrap carrier, e.g. Moby or Kari Me. It sounds like your DD prefers to be upright. We went for slinging exclusively eventually which was very freeing. We also had a Wilkinet which was pretty good, but DH couldn't use it (it relies a little on baby being curved round your chest)

The thing I found most helpful was to try not to let the feeling of "I want to get away, I want to put the baby down" dominate, as it makes you feel resentful and doesn't help to change the situation. I opted for gradually letting DS grow out of it, and in the meantime I grew to love the closeness of it. It still sucks at 3am, but then don't most things?

Yes and dd is still like this at 19mo. I went to the toilet and buttered toast this morning with her on my hip. (I did wash my hands before I buttered the toast!) Then I put my make up on while she sat on my knee.

Having said all that, she goes to nursery two days a week, and is with my mum two days a week. It's just if I'm in the room, she wants to be attached to me.

It is rather wearing at times.

constance - feel for you ..does get a bit better (dd now nearly 6 months and a lot less clingy) - second teh advice on the sling.

I remember two nice ladies in a cafe cutting up my lunch for me!

Ah yes, my ds was velcro boy. I carried him everywhere - and I mean everywhere. I often wondered whether going to the loo with him in tow would somehow damage him psychologically!!

I distinctly remember pacing the kitchen with him in his Baby Bjorn ( he liked to be held upright - with hindsight I suspect he may have been a little refluxy) wondering if 4pm was too early for gin.

It only lasted about 3 months or so and he gradually started to become the very independent (and stubborn) little boy he is now. I used to get stressed with it sometimes but mainly just thought "sod it" and let everything else slide and I'm glad I did.

They grow waaaay too fast.

I've had two of those

All I can see is, take the path of least resistance. Give up trying to 'teach' them anything - just accept that they will grow out of it (in a long time). Write off the first year... mine got better after 9 months when they could sit up and explore the world a bit. But both were bad sleepers until at least 2 or 3 (well, 4 or 5)

But they were both really lovely and easy toddlers - so I think there is some sort of baby karma at work...

oh really a wrap sling is great
and just get on with things with them in it
you can't do anything below knee level! the floor has to remain unswept IME
good luck it passes

agree with morningpaper -both the clingers I know (incl dd) are much easier natured than the non clingers

I remember it was a marvellous revelation when I found that ds would be 'put down' for his lunchtime nap (usually about 2hrs) in his cot ON HIS OWN!!!! (this was at 10mo). Before that, if I was around, he was determined that he would go to sleep on me and a substitute was not acceptable. Of course, when he went to nursery he would sleep anywhere - in fact, on his trial 1.5hrs on his own, he spent 40mins asleep on a cushion at the side of the noisy room!!!

The only time I did work on was nighttime - I didn't want to co-sleep as it would have meant turfing out dh as he is such a deepsleeper and I wouldn't have felt safe. To start with we didn't worry about trying to put ds 'down' at a reasonable time - he just stayed with us (mainly asleep except when he had colic) until we went to bed - otherwise we would have had a more difficult 'fight' to get him to go down - being in a moses basket then cot beside the bed, at least if we went to bed at the same time I could stick a hand out so that he could still feel me.

We also had a wilkinet - and dh could also use it - and when ds was too big to be comfortable on our fronts, we swapped to carry him like a knapsack!

I am pleased to report that at 3.5 he is a very outgoing, chatty, sociable, non-velcro child - but he still likes lots of hugs, kisses and cuddles as well.

My ds was like this. I had to stand and walk with him all day and I never ever got a second to myself, he just screamed the instant I put him down or stopped walking with him. He got a bit better at 6 months when he could sit confidently and lots better when crawling, by the time he was walking at 11 months it was like a different baby. So independant (bloody stubborn with it though!) but lovely and only clingy when ill which is understandable. Sleeps through in his own room and is lovely to have around (mostly!).

I also second the idea for the KariMe, my ds wouldn't even be put in the buggy so for months I never went anywhere, i went a bit nuts, seriously nuts actually and the Kari Me saved my sanity and possibly my mrriage! I can't even begin to tell you how important it is to get out and be 'you' for a while, even with the baby attached to you!

Glad to see this thread!! My son is 4 weeks tofay and not onlty i cant put him down, i also have to keep moving... not easy to read MN!!
Got a sling which doesnt seem to work at home though... im gonna try to get dressed (yes its 1.15pm)and get out bc out everything seems better (well he sleeps)

i also hate it when people look at me in a patronising way and tell me "well, maybe he is hungry"... as if i was starving him on purpose..

my DS2 was like this- he had to sleep on my chest for the first few weeks, otherwise he'd scream. After he was born i couldn't manage a nice soak in the bath for weeks- i had to literally run for a shower between breastfeeds instead!

He's 13mths now, and sleeps in his own cot, and is a normal, happy boy.

DS2 was like this, my third baby and a real shock to the system. Now he is almost 10 months and things are much easier. It began right after birth, I don't think I put him down more than 2 or 3 times whilst I was in hospital and that was to run to the loo. After co-sleeping for ages I finally got him sleeping in the Amby (which we already had thank goodness) for longer and longer periods and this week I have been working on him sleeping in his cot as he is now too big for the Amby. This has been harder but he only woke once last night and did not cry at all. I feel like a new woman!

I don't think it a velcro baby means a velcro toddler though as DD was fine as a baby and had terrible separation anxiety which thankfully DS2 does not show signs of so far.

Yes get a stretchy sling - I heart my Moby!

Right, will get a stretchy sling and try cranial massage.

Am loving the idea of easy toddlers - ds is a very independently minded little boy who runs off into the middle distance if ever put down outside. The very opposite of clingy.

CantSleepWontSleep - has your toddler started to feed lots more now they see their baby being fed so much? I can't see ds weaning any time soon, I do want him to self wean but I didn't know I would find it so hard to feed two.

Thank you for your words of encouragement - you have all made me feel much more positive.

Yes constance. She wants to feed pretty much every time he does (I don't always allow it, and she seems to accept that I will only feed her at home or family/close friends' houses), but the feeds are generally short (except first thing and last thing), and we do a counting system (you can have a count of 3/5/7/whatever) which seems to work.

From what I can gather it's pretty common behaviour.

It's hard to feed two, but it would be much harder to wean I think.

Thanks - I agree about the weaning!