Nursery put her back in a nappy today, grrrr.

[Momino]

hi all. on 5th day of potty training with dd1 who turns 3 next week. 1st day, lots of accidents, 2nd day accidents, 3rd day no accidents 4x success on the potty - hurrah!, 4th day held in the whole day until 4pm then wouldn't go on potty - she screamed and cried whilst crossing her legs. I had to physically hold her on the potty (was I mean?). she did let go a large wee and was very happy and proud but wouldn't tell me why she was screaming and didn't want to sit on the potty.

5th day was today and she went to nursery. I didn't give them any nappies and provided extra clothes/pants, etc. She replicated day 4 by trying to hold in all day, screaming when they tried to get her to go on the potty, she eventually had an accident and they said she was so upset they put her in a nappy.

I was very annoyed as won't this confuse her? Now what do i do... put her back in nappies? They thought maybe she'd like to bring in her own potty from home which I think is a good idea so we'll do that. But, 'oh we need you to bring more nappies...' to which I thought the whole point of potty training is to NOT use nappies...

am I right to be annoyed? Am I just a cruel mum who is forcing her child to potty train? she did so well the first few days and seemed so proud to be in pants... what would you do?

I would personally be angry but then I am from the take them out of the nappies and give them at least two weeks in pants to see what happens school of thought.

I would speak to the nursery and see if you can come up with a solution - they will not be able to hold her down but could perhaps try other tactics to get her to use the potty/toilet? They should be pretty experienced in this!

That does seem very mixed messages to me.

Surely there are others there that are pottying it?

Haven
t had the holding wee scenario but have had it in regard to #2's.

So i'm not a cruel mother, am I?

with nursery, i agree they're giving mixed messages. Also, I don't want dd to think that if she cries and screams (ie tantrum) she can get what she wants. I'm personally surprised at the nursery as they are well-reputed and would have thought with their experience they would have other solutions.

tonight, dd was starting to tantrum when I asked her why doesn't she sit on the potty. It wasn't easy and did take bribery but I got her to sit down for 5 min on it though she didn't do anything.

i'm going to stick to my decision and not give them any nappies tomorrow and explain how I feel. i'll also let dd choose which of her 2 potties she wants to take with her as the nursery thought maybe she didn't like the nursery mini loos and potties.

it's a start anyway.

I have a slightly different take on it tbh - I had a dd who could hold it in - for aeons! Never got her to do anything in the potty ever. I do mean never - not once - not a drop. Finally she did a wee in the loo but she was 3 1/2 then. The plus side was that she was trained instantly then with no accidents at all. I would be led by her, ask her if she wants pants or nappies (stressing the beauty of pants of course!) and if she wants a nappy on go with it for a bit. You can't imo and ime force a child to potty train if they are not fully ready and compliant so I would just treat this as a half way stage and praise her to the skies when she manages nappyless. Ask nursery to do the same.

sorry but a child who screams and cries when being asked to go on the potty is not ready to train imo.
Nursery are right to put her back into nappies until she is happy and ready to do it. My DD was over 3 when she trained , she was also upset when I tried to encourage her to use the potty or the toilet . I left her until she asked to go and she was trained day and night in 2 days.
Also I dont think there is mixed messages in this situation - she couldnt be more clear in telling you that she is not ready.

Whats the rush, so she is 3, no big deal.
She is not ready yet imo!

oh... now I'm confused!
She did so well the 2nd and 3rd day that I thought this meant she was ready.

when she was kicking and screaming, this was like a tantrum and I don't want to give in to her tantrums. I also don't want to confuse her by sometimes putting her in nappies and other times not.

she was happy and asked to go into pants this morning and chose to take her potty to nursery. guess I'll give nursery a call to see how she's doing.

i'm really confused.

Well, i've called nursery who have paired her with another LO who's at the same stage, so they're 'potty buddies'. also the nurse in charge (wasn't there yesterday) thought it wasn't a good idea to turn back to nappies after being in pants and since DD asked for pants this morning. hopefully having her own potty there will help. they're also going to give her a sticker each time she goes.

i actually do think she's ready.

Last night, when I asked her to sit on her potty before bed, she started screaming/tantrumming (she's good at those). I ignored her until she calmed down, then we picked out a book together and went happily to the potty where she sat for 5 min. did nothing but she sat happily until she announced she didn't need to go, which was fine.

anyway, fingers crossed.

Sounds a bit like she doesn't want to maybe miss anything when she is on the potty.

But by you reading with her she is almost guareenteed to not miss out?

At nursery today, she had one accident but three successful trips to the potty! I think maybe the tantrum yesterday happened because it was a new experience going to the potty at nursery (?). the potty from home helped, I think, and the nursery nurses were so co-operative and encouraging with her.

Tonight, she sat on her potty without me asking and had a wee and a poo! she was just beaming, I was so proud of her. I'm glad we've carried on with this, she's doing great .

thanks for your advice and comments.

I would leave her out of nappies as clearly she can hold it. I would work on her reluctance to use the potty with some 'peer pressure.' The Potty Training In One Day method is to have the toddler teach a favourite toy how to use the potty. It gives them an opportunity to talk through any apprehension and it takes advantage of the strongest learning mechanism they have (peer learning).

When DS 22 mth is having a "Toddler Moment" and won't use the toilet instead of forcing the issue we use subversion -- tell him his teddy needs to (which he's more than willing to oblige with) and failing that getting him willing to go, let him pee on cereal. Not as visual for a girl, I'll admit, but you get the idea. Make it fun instead of scary.

ches, those are great ideas, will try. I've also heard of food colouring (?).