Social services dilemma

[Naetha]

I've been wrangling about this for a long time, but I'm fairly sure I should do something now.

I have friends with a 9 month old baby, and in my opinion they neglect it dreadfully.

I've only been to their house once, but we regularly chat, and are members of an online club. Whenever I speak to them (whether it's the mother of the father) their baby is always crying in the background. And not just whinging, but screaming. The sort of crying that if my DS (who is 11 months) was doing it, I would run to him immediately. Often their baby will be screaming away the whole time our DS is asleep, so this can be up to 2 hours.

I know neither of them work, and they both play online games a lot, but it seems like most of the time, neither of them are actually taking responsibility for the baby. I get the impression he is just left in a baby bouncer next to the computer for hours on end.

They came around to our house once, and just left their baby in it's bouncer the whole time (he was 7 months old at the time) - they only went to comfort him when I said something. They saw to his basic needs (i.e. they fed, watered and changed him), but other than that, just left him to cry. They declined the offer of a cot, or a quiet room, and jsut expected him to go to sleep in a room full of people talking and walking around.

I've brought it up a couple of times in a fairly light-hearted way but they've come up with a reason (oh, he won't go to sleep, or he's got reflux, or he's teething) and seem to carry on ignoring him.

I know I'm probably being overly emotional, and I shouldn't get dragged into other peoples' business, but I do genuinely worry for this child's health - mental and otherwise.

Should I do anything? Can I do anything?

And yes, I probably should have namechanged, but if they read this, then maybe it will be a wake up call to them.

Do you have the same HV?

I would maybe express your concerns to them before going to social services route.

Do you think that they even know a baby needs other attention than the basic needs? some people don't know

I think that a community nursery nurse or community worker may be a better step than SS first off. Possibly a parenting course, it will help them learn about interaction, discipline (for future) etc.

I don't think that this is a question for social services I'm afraid - presumably the baby is physically well cared for as you say his basic needs are met. Some babies cry a lot, and tbh, whether they play online games or not is up to them.

Maybe they are having a tough time and would welcome the offer of some help? Can you suggest going out to a toddler group together, or taking the kids to the park?

Scorpio1 yes I think this is their case - I know the parents can be quite emotionally detached sometimes, and I guess this comes into play here.

Although we don't live very far away, it's difficult for either of us to get to the other's house (and they've not taken up the invitation to come round a number of times), and also we are with different PCTs, so different HVs.

The only reason I mentioned online games Bramshott, is because me and my DH play them as well, but we prioritise our DS above the games, and only play when he is in bed.

Hmm, I have to say I think I agree with other posters this is not really an SS situation. There is an element of you judging their parenting about this, you admit yourself they are meeting babies basic needs. As for how they behave in your home, this is unlikely to be how they would be acting as a family in their own home. Some kids won't sleep in other peoples houses, DS1 would DS2 won't. The crying issue, maybe he does genuninely have reflux/constant teething.

You are right to be concerned of course, but perhaps you could try offering more help, setting examples with your own kids, offering advice/suggesting sources of advice or help for them.

give SS a call and see what they say.. Sounds like emotional neglect to me and maybe SS could help with parenting courses or referral to sure start. Please DO someting if your gut feeling is telling you this babies emotional needs are not being met. If SS do a visit and deem all is well... then no harm done but please do call them. It can be anonymous.