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Original poster

I REALLY lied to DS2 last night, feeling guilty

28 replies

MrsSnape · 10/12/2008 10:34

I took DS2 (almost 8) to see father christmas at school last night. He chatted with him about Darth Vader before coming out of the grotto with a present, all smiles.

On the way back to the car he said "well, that was either Phil the caretaker or Mr Coleman" I just didn't respond (but it WAS Phil the caretaker )

Anyway on the night he came over to me and said "ok, I want the truth...no fibs, no lies...JUST the truth...."

so I was like "...ok..." and he continued with "IS father christmas real?"

It completely threw me and I just said "yes, of course" I added "who would you think he wasn't?" so he said "because everyone at school says he isn't real and that its just your parents and aunties and grandparents that buy your presents..."

I felt really guilty at this point and just changed the subject but my lie has kind of confirmed to him that he DOES exist and all the other kids are wrong

Not sure what to do now, should I sit him down and explain the truth or let this one pass and be better prepared for next time? He's almost 8.

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mrsmharkTHEHERALDANGELSSINGet · 10/12/2008 10:38

hi mrs s, not sure about that one, dd is only 3.5 am not sure what to suggest xx

kitbit · 10/12/2008 10:40

Can you tell a half truth? Perhaps that yes, all your family DO buy you presents which is why you have to thank them, obviously, but where does he think his stocking appears from on Xmas eve?
My mum let me down gently and said that from time to time she gave Father Christmas a hand and helped him with my stocking when he was pushed for time, but that it was still delivered with Christmas magic. I think I worked it out the year afterwards but remembered that she'd been trying to keep the magic going for me!

Don't feel bad about fibbing!

Dropdeadfred · 10/12/2008 10:41

I told my two elder dd's quite early on that people dressed up as father Christmas and acted like his messengers because he had no time to be visiting shopping centres, garden centres, schools etc in the run up to Christmas...I would probably tell him that he was right about Phil the caretaker and take it from there...

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mrsmharkTHEHERALDANGELSSINGet · 10/12/2008 10:43

these ideas are good, i shall have to keep them in mind as well x

good luck mrs sxxx

NeedyW · 10/12/2008 10:45

My mother still swears blind to me that he is real - despite the fact that I am him

It's not a bad lie, it's a fun fib. Even if he catches you at it you still tell him that FC is real. It's true. Just not literally.

Bramshott · 10/12/2008 10:46

Isn't 8 about the time when they start to work out that he's not real?

For my DD1 (nearly 6) we have made the decision that we won't directly lie about FC, so we say "what do you think?" or "I hope he's real because I want him to bring me some new socks" and leave it at that.

Smithagain · 10/12/2008 11:12

I'd let it pass. In a sense FC is real - it depends what you mean by "real"

DD1 asked me outright whether it was FC or your parents, because "some people at school say it's just your mum and dad." I told her that I wouldn't lie to her, but we weren't going to discuss it in front of her little sister and she could ask me again sometime if she really wanted to know.

She hasn't asked again. I think she knows which side her bread is buttered on

Smithagain · 10/12/2008 11:13

PS DD1 is 6, but most of her friends are 7. I think this is the time they start to work it out, so personally I wouldn't keep him stringing along too long if his friends are going to tease him for believing.

Marne · 10/12/2008 11:15

I think i would have told him the truth but its a tough one as you want them to believe as long as possible.

maretta · 10/12/2008 11:18

DS is 5.5 and has started asking questions. I like to take the throw the questions back at him approach -
'What do you think'
'So who do you think brings all those presents'
'It was the middle of the night and I was fast asleep.'

I aslo have told my son that santas in shopping centres are helpers and not the real deal. Last year, the santa that we saw was ds's Granddad and ds was a bit too freaked to talk to him even after I explained this.

deckthegirlandboywithholly · 10/12/2008 11:20

My ds is 8 and has been questioning me a bit this year.

I told him that it was ok not to believe in Santa, it just means that mum & dad buy him presents instead. He looked thoughtful for a minute and then said "ok, I believe in Santa, because it'll be too much money for you otherwise".

An economically sound little boy methinks!

bobblehat · 10/12/2008 11:26

ds1 is nearly 7 and we had a similar coversation the other day. He said he didn't think fc existed and that it was me who put the stocking on the end of his bed. The he asked me 'do you come into my room when I'm asleep?' to which I answered that i go into his room every night to give him a kiss before i go to bed.

It did make me wonder what I would have said if he had asked me out right. When I asked my mum when I was about 7 she just told me that if I didn't believe I wouldn't get any presents. I never asked again and still get a stocking if we stay over there on christmas eve!

goldFAQinsenceandmyrrh · 10/12/2008 11:29

I'm not entirely sure that either DS1 (8)) or DS2 (just turned 5) are totally convinced by the whole FC thing - so I'm grabbing the bull by the horns this year and taking them to Selfridges as I fear this may be the last year that they believe the magic bit

TinselianAstra · 10/12/2008 11:46

Is it just me, or do you think a lot of kids go along with things even after they know it's not true, in order to keep parents happy (or possibly just to keep getting good prezzies)?

rolledhedgehog · 10/12/2008 11:48

I would have told him the truth. He asked you for the truth after all. I never believed in Father Christmas as I had an older sister who did not go along with the myth but Xmas was always a magical time nonetheless. I think that you have lied to him for your own benefit and he is going to be confused. Sorry...you did ask!

TeeBee · 10/12/2008 12:14

I would tell him too. My MIL had exactly the same conversation with her dad and is still miffed that he totally lied to her and felt it really undermined the total trust she had in him. He will find out eventually the FC isn't real anyway - but has asked you outright to tell the truth.

Polgara2 · 10/12/2008 12:26

I would just let it go this time but work out what you're going to say next time he asks (and it may be sooner than you think due to peer pressure!).
We've always told the dc that the fc they see at school etc are just helpers because fc is just too busy so they are not perturbed by them being someone they know.
DD1 asked at 9 and I asked her would it bother her if he wasn't 'real', she thought about it and said well would I still get presents? Yes I said, well then no I am not bothered she says . She still keeps up the pretense for dd2 though.

Redfox · 10/12/2008 12:39

Ds & I discussing santa with his friends and my ds piped up 'its your Mum & Dad who buy all the presents'!
I denied it and we changed the subject. I am sure though when push comes to the shrove he will believe on the day!
Not sure where he picked that up...school playground as he has not got older siblings
I was a bit shocked & a bit sad really as he is only 6 and a half.
I though santa would give a few more years milage!

ThePellyandMe · 10/12/2008 12:48

We always say that the FC's you see in shops etc are not the real one, they are FC's elves dressed up because the real FC is far too busy in Lapland. The elves then tell FC what the dc's have asked for.

They are only 6 and 4, firm believers and seem to accept this. We are off to Selfridges at the weekend too, we are all very excited

goldFAQinsenceandmyrrh · 10/12/2008 12:49

ooo Pellva - you must tell me what it's like. I'm not going until the 22nd - we're making a day trip of it (as it's a lot of money to spend on train tickets and time on travel just for 15 minutes lol)

ThePellyandMe · 10/12/2008 14:46

Will do FAQ, we are doing the same. Train tickets will cost a bloody fortune but its the first time we have done London at Christmas so can't wait.

Hyde park have a Winter Wonderland thing going on with ice skating rink, big wheel, rides and stuff so we are planning to give that a visit. Also we are planning to take the dc's to Hamleys and to see the lights obviously. Apparently they are really good this year.

mumchie · 10/12/2008 16:58

OH NO - I wouldn't feel guilty at all! I say Keep the magic going as long as possible - the years pass so quickly and kids grow up so fast.

In our house we have lots of little things we do...some might call them 'lies' but I like to think of them as magical and for the kids to get excited about. They just love it!!

madlentileater · 10/12/2008 17:10

I think if he's 8, and his friends have told him FC not real....you need to come clean! I know a friend's son was asked by a teacher who in the class believed (a serious error IMO, but I guess she expected no one would) anyway, he was the only one to raise his hand, probably about the same age as OP's son, of course he was mortified (so was teacher, I hope)
I think it's OK to be honest with him about WHY you didn't tell the truth- that you wanted him to enjoy the fun of the story. He can still have a stocking, after all.

peppapighastakenovermylife · 10/12/2008 21:46

I echo everyone else really..am just intrigued where your son goes to school now as we had a mr coleman lol.

ShrinkingViolet · 10/12/2008 21:54

according to DD1, there was a girl in her Y9 english class who still believed (so age 13 or so) - their topic was "Myths and Legends" adn the teacher listed some myths, one of which was FC. Poor girl burst into tears devastated. Fortunately the class rallied round and no-one took the piss (mainly because they all felt sorry for her).
Personally I reckon her parents had taken it way too far, but at the same time 7 or 8 is still very little to "know".

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