Having a second child has turned me into the Shouty Mum I never wanted to be...

[Pinchypants]

Is it just the extreme tiredness of having a three month old noisy hungry boy who thinks 5.30 is breakfast time and a 2yr old previously known as a little angel who now pushes all my buttons? She is potty training beautifully apart from the daily turd on the parquet at exactly the same time I'm settling her brother for a nap. I am trying to be smiley, efficient, calm and loving to them both but occasionally find myself, erm, 'raising my voice'. I didn't want to be a shouty mum - what's happened?!

oh god. know I am heading for this... 8 months pregnant and DD 19 months. Give yourself a break. Two shouts a day ok, anymore a pound in the piggy bank?

and a litter tray on the exact spot on the parquet..

Well at least you waited until your DS was born to start the shouting. I have raised my voice at DS and the new baby isn't even born yet You are doing your best, what else can you do? Don't be too hard on yourself.

Definitely, I am shoutier the more children I have. 3 turned me into Sergeant Major Mum.

I think it's inevitable in a way (that's a cue for the mumsnetters with many children who never shout to come on and contradict me). DP is currently working on a No Shouting week, yesterday he started it off and the dds were later to school than they'd ever been, due to his Calm Reasoned Approach.

Can I join the 'Shouty mum' club aswell??

I have a 2.5 year old DS and a 3 week old DS - DS1 has also turned from a very happy, cheery little boy into a whinging pathetic monster (I blame bodysnatchers personally ) who mopes round the house in floods of tears at the slightest thing!!

Yesterday, I actually found myself shouting at him not to be so pathetic when he was whinging about the fact his socks had one drop of water (which he did himself by upturning a pot of water....grrr) and he wanted to change them.

So, I too am a 'shouty mum'

It was 3 that did it for me.

If I find I'm being too shouty even for me I just force myself to shut up and use perfect mum voice. It just needs a 1 second pause (as I'm drawing breath) and the conscious decision to change it. For me it's the noticing it that's hard. It creeps up on you. But once noticed I usually manage to have a better few days.

oh and I totally lost my voice last week which helped!

I do think you have to parent differently, with different numbers of children. What works with one child often won't work with 2 or more. Shoutiness, obviously, isn't ideal, but it's not the end of the world either. But you can't be as calm and patient when you have 2 or more to get out of the door at a certain time, or get to bed, or whatever. While you're calmly and patiently helping one with their socks another child might have taken all their clothes off again and a third might have headed off up the garden without coat or gloves. It's like herding puppies here sometimes.

But did you lose your voice through screaming at the kids?

No! Ha ha. I did a workshop the day before & it was going anyway (I used to teach for 8 hours a day and since then it tends to go sometimes), the workshop finished it off.

I joined the ranks of shouty mum with 2 kids.

Ha! Sorry to post and then abandon it yesterday, was busy trying to be Mary Poppins... My best friend has twins who are on their way to their 4th b'day and when I phoned her in guilty tears the other day saying I'd shouted at DD to 'JUST EAT YOUR BREAKFAST AND STOP BEING SO STUPID' and asked how could I be so horrible when I love her so much (DD cried and asked for a cuddle, which made it much, much worse), my BF said matter of factly 'oh, every morning's like that in our house - we'd never get out of the door otherwise'. I'm sure there is a balance to be struck between Shouty Mum and Mary Poppins, tho - am trying to remember all the good advice in that 'How to Talk So Kids will Listen' book but am usually too busy snapping...

Me too. DD1 2 1/2 years and DD2 7 mths. DD1 has always been a handful, but tiredness and the tendency of DD1 to act out even more after the arrival of her sister have made her worse.

I try not to shout but sometimes she just gets the better of me. Like the other day when I was trying to give DD2 her dinner and DD1 has a massive tantrum because she pulled her own hair elastics out, and then got upset because she didn't have bunches any more and wanted me to put them back in NOW!!!....

You are not alone

I sometimes wonder why my kids are so loud (they honestly are, compared to the other dc I know)

Then I realise....

How can you not shut with 2+ dc's, especially when there isthe looming temptation of the christmas tree to really drive you potty??

I consider it a good day, if I've met my target of only shouting 3 times a day (sometimes I've used it all up by 9am). It's v hard not to a times and I have seen friends , go from relative serenity to complete shoutiness with arrival of second.. 2 yrs on I'm finding it's getting a bit better. There is hope.
:-) It helps if you think of it in terms of crowd control!

Myfavourite is when I shout at dd 'STOP SHOUTING,I AM NOT GOING TO DO THINGSFOR YOU UNTIL YOU ASK NICELY,NOW PUT YOUR SHOES ON!!!!!'

Oh.

I was shouty when my DS was a smaller baby. I did one big 'shout' one day and thought to myself that I'd make a great subject for a fly on the wall documentary designed to put young school girls off getting pregnant.

Since then I've relaxed a bit: my house is a complete bomb site and I go around muttering 'ffs' under my breath a lot instead (never loud enough for the kids to hear me).

My Ds1 had 2 shout free years until number 2 came along. I was hysterically shouty for a few years ,then sergent majorishly shouty.

DS2 is now 10 and I'm relieved to say I haven't shouted for about 2 years. The teens might put paid to that though.

Ha Ha, this is my life. I was such a lovely calm 'okay darling I feel your anger now let's put our shoes on' mum until dd2 came along and now I am an ogre and spend my entire life either shouting like a rifle going off or chewing the insides of my cheeks with my shoulders around my ears in an attempt not to shout AGAIN...

Oh god Pinchypants ,are you me?
years as a nanny and i NEVER ONCE raised my voice to any child i cared for.My own two drive me to distraction.

Been there,done that,got the T-shirt

I would defy anyone with a 2 year old and new baby NOT to shout occasionally.They must be ubersupermummy if they don't.It does get easier once you begin to get better sleep

Also guilty of muttering ffs a lot here.Memorably the time DD pooed on the floor,stepped in it,walked it across the carpet and whilst i recoiled in horror DS aged8 months crawled into it...

it's not that you have another child it's that your elder child has reached a more challenging stage of their development

bonnycat at poo incident.

I only shouted at DS once I had DD, . Although i don't do it that often.

And lots of FFS under my breath when he can't see me.