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Parenting

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Original poster

Stupid threats you've used that you can't possibly carry out...

71 replies

Habbibu · 05/12/2008 19:31

dd (2) pissing about at bed time, trying to play with my scarf while I'm trying to brush her teeth.

Me (casting about frantically for some leverage in the situation) If you don't stop that ... you can't have any stories again EVER.

Fast forward 13 years

Teacher "Why have you not read Wuthering Heights, LittleHab?"

LittleHab "My mother banned me from all works of fiction at the age of 2, Miss. I'm not sure if the ruling includes non-fictional stories, but I've been ruling out biography, all the same."

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

TheDevilWearsGlitter · 11/12/2008 12:52

I once told DD we had to go home as there were so many children in the playpark it would 'break'.

Next time we went the whole thing had been ripped up for a refit and she was devestated,she thought it was her fault.

TheDevilWearsGlitter · 11/12/2008 12:53

"I threaten slap DS so hard he will end up in next week. I never actually slap him!"

Are you serious?

smellyeli · 11/12/2008 12:55

'If you don't stop shouting you will have to stay in the car ALL NIGHT'

Hello, is that Social Services?

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ABudafulSightWereHappyTonight · 11/12/2008 12:57

Sorry DWG but yes! In moments of extreme temper/frustration it used to be. Now it is a joke as I realised it was a pretty horrible thing to say so said it one day when I wasn't in a temper cue questions of how he would end up in next week etc. Now it is saying that breaks the atmosphere that could lead to it being said in temper again iyswim.

myjobismum · 11/12/2008 13:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ivykaty44 · 11/12/2008 13:18

If you dont stop - I shall leave home
I went and sat ot the front gate and they came and found me.... said sorry and we all went down the path home

Icantbelieveitsnotbitter · 11/12/2008 13:46

DS put your willy away - the birdies will think it's a worm and gobble it up !

Willy away and all's good !

Of course, all that summer we didn't get changed from wet swimmers into dry on the beach incase the seagulls gobbled his willy up !

Twims · 11/12/2008 15:36

bump

GoodWilfToAllMN · 11/12/2008 15:57

I did actually phone Father Christmas this week and instructed him to bring 'one less toy'...

DS was distraught and hysterical and insisted I called him back immediately to promise he'd behave.

GoodWilfToAllMN · 11/12/2008 15:59

at all those (obviously perfect) parents who never make it to 5...

ABudafulSightWereHappyTonight · 11/12/2008 16:16

I sometimes say 'I will count to 1'!

Twims · 11/12/2008 18:46

LOL at I will count to 1!!

ABudafulSightWereHappyTonight · 12/12/2008 04:56

My friends look at be oddly sometimes but DS knows I mean it!

Have just remembered - when DS was 3 I had just started doing the 123 Magic thing and he did or said something and I said 'that's 1', he carried on, I said 'that's 2' so then he (obv a bit fed up) hit me (lightly) and said 'that's 3' and took himself off to the stairs. All I could do was laugh!

leothelioness · 12/12/2008 06:51

I have threatened to take ds back to the shop where I bought him and get a nice boy instead.

Also if you don't stop that I will throw you out of the car.

IAteTheWholeSelectionBox · 12/12/2008 07:48

Great thread! As DS is only 16 months I haven't much to add, but I am taking notes

One I really couldn't follow through (although it felt like it) was when he was around 4 months old and spending all day and night awake and crying, I eventually cracked and yelled "If you don't go to sleep I'll die, then you'll be stuffed!"

notevenamousie · 12/12/2008 08:25

Hang her from the ceiling by her toes! (she'd probably love it the way she hangs off the settee and does headstands anywhere and everywhere) Generally in jest, and as part of a distraction... am starting to follow through on the taking-things-away threats when they are needed.

spamm · 12/12/2008 14:20

Me this morning to ds (3.9): If you don't open your mouth for the nice dentist Father Christmas won't bring you any presents.

This was after several other ridiculous threats made, including about no more chocolate ever and no balloon or sticker. I was at a loss with what to do and dentist was great, but getting a bit annoyed. We were also trying gentrle coaxing at same time.

In an aside to the dental assistant, I said those fateful words: I sound like my mother!

spamm · 12/12/2008 14:22

Also, recently, ds would not get undressed for his bath, so dh put him in the water fully clothed - was a great giggle for all of us.

Guess what? He now demands to get into bath with clothes on - that will teach us!

asicsgirl · 12/12/2008 19:03

"if you don't go upstairs for a wee right now i'm going to eat your lunch"

mind you that one doesn't really fit into this thread as ds1 knows only too well that i would (i am bf ds2 and constantly starving)

catweazle · 12/12/2008 21:41

selectionbox "If you don't go to sleep I'll die, then you'll be stuffed!" I said the same thing to DD2 several times..

minouminou · 24/12/2008 00:09

I say to DS (2.2), when he won't come through the front door, or won't leave the dog alone "I'm gonna get medieval on you", and for some reason, it really works, as he hops to!
As he gets older, I'm elaborating, and threatened him with thumbscrews and the iron maiden today, and have started to say Torquemada rather than medieval
I draw the line at strappado, though.....i'm keeping it blackadder rather than guantanamo bay

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