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Parenting

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Original poster

Almost 8 yo ds soils his pants when playing

21 replies

lostittoday · 05/12/2008 10:29

Hi
My ds when he is playing with a mate or even with me and his dad, or is engrossed in something will put off going to the toilet to have a number two.
As a consequence of this he ends up soiling himself which I have found to be a major embarassment.
I really feel that at almost 8 he should not be doing this and he makes me cringe because he will shout out mom I have pooed my pants in front of a freind.
I could have killed him yesterday he had a mate home from school was engrossed in a wii game obviously couldn,t be bothered once again to go to the toilet and soiled himself.
He then runs off up the stairs pulling his trousers and pants down shouting out that he had pooed his pants infront of his mate.
I felt so angry with him for making himself look silly in front of a friend.
I am worried that if he does this in front of any of his mates that he will become a laughing stock I mean what if any of his friends start telling others at school that he does this.
I have tried to explain to my ds that this could possibly make people laugh at him but its like water off a ducks back to him.
Please is my ds the only one to do this.

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thisisyesterday · 05/12/2008 10:34

I actually think it's good that he doesn't have hang-ups about it. and wouldn't go scaring him about people laughing at him etc etc

but, what do you do when he does it? I would be making HIM deal with the mess. emptying pants into toilet, rinsing them and putting them into the washing machine. then finding clean clothes.

perhaps the work involved will make him realise it's easier to just go when he needs to.

does he only do it when engrossed? or does it happen at other times? because it can be a sign of other things if it is happenineg a lot

Original poster

lostittoday · 05/12/2008 10:36

Its only when he is engrossed in something.
I just think its so inappropriate for him to pull down his pants for his friends to see what he has done.

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Original poster

lostittoday · 05/12/2008 10:38

I make him deal with the mess.

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thisisyesterday · 05/12/2008 10:38

i would have a word and say "ds, X doesn't want to see that. please go and get changed"

don't make a big deal out of it, but try and make it clear that everyone else doesn't want to see it and that he should go and clean himself up straight away

thisisyesterday · 05/12/2008 10:39

tbh I probably would take him to GP's just to rule out anyrthing physical, even though from what you say it isn't. but just to be 100%

how long has he been doing it for?

Original poster

lostittoday · 05/12/2008 10:42

Its not constant its been on and off for the past year or so.
Its usually when he is excited about a game he is playing and obviously doesn,t want to pull himself away from it.

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Tortington · 05/12/2008 10:44

sounds a bit weird for an *yo to be doing this and if it were my child i woul be very firm with them. this isn't the line that will be peddled by other mumsnetters - i also ( i think like you) dont think that its appropriate for him NOT to have hagups about it and not to be socially aware of how socially inept/rubbish it is to do this. he should be aware at 8 years old that it is inappropriate and most of all mortified incase someone at school found out about it and he was called shitty pants, pooey pants, skiddy etc.

i dont have any medical knowledge - just my family knowledge, and i have a suspicion that people like a regular shit at a pretty regular time. taking this into account then, i think you should keep an eye on the clock and see when he poos and then see if there is a correlation - its about saying right its 4 oclock - TOILET!

i have a 6yo nephew who would wet himself rather than come in for toilet - as he was scared he would be made to stay in - it just needed reassurance that he wouldnt be kept in plus the negative sanctions of parents telling him off - which i think is appropriate.

as paretnts we have to socialise our children its kinda the main job!

Original poster

lostittoday · 05/12/2008 10:49

I must admit I don,t find it acceptable at all I think its awful I feel ashamed when he does it.

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Niecie · 05/12/2008 10:50

No you do need to say something - this isn't the time for worrying about hang-ups. I would be more worried about his lack of inhibitions.

How did his friend react? Hopefully he looked pretty revolted rather than laughing as then you could remind your DS that it is not just you being a mum, other people don't like it either.

Original poster

lostittoday · 05/12/2008 10:57

I don,t think his freind got the full picture of what had happend as he was in the other room.
However my ds ran off up the stairs seemingly determined to make his mate hear him say mom I have pooed my pants.
I usherd my ds off up the stairs saying in a low tone to shut up when really I felt like bawling at him.
I tried to get him to pull his trousers back up but he kept pulling them back down luckily the friend didn,t get to see the soiled pants.
My ds seems to think its okay and funny.
Honestly I am fuming with him as I am typing this.

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Niecie · 05/12/2008 11:07

I know how you feel - not quite the same, but DS1 who is 8 wet himself last week because he didn't want to leave his game and go to the toilet. He hasn't wet himself for 3 yrs or more.

I am afraid I let him have it with both barrels and he wasn't allowed to continue with the game either.

I know it doesn't help now but would it have been possible to send the friend home there and then?

Original poster

lostittoday · 05/12/2008 16:34

I wouldn,t have wanted to send his friend home it was his first playdate from his new school, and they were really enjoying themselves and getting along nicely.
I just downplayed it as much as possible and his mate doesn,t seem to have thought any more of it,but I am mortified.

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devoutsceptic · 05/12/2008 16:36

Is his behaviour strange in other ways?

DoubleBluff · 05/12/2008 16:37

DS 1 is a bit like this. Although he doesn't soil himself, he frequently ' touches cloth'! When he does a pooh it is normally very loose.
At the time he was drinking orange juice, since he has stopped drinking it his bowel control is 100% better.

sallyhollyberry · 05/12/2008 16:42

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MadamDeathstarOverBethlehem · 05/12/2008 16:49

I think what Custardo said about taking him to the bathroom at a regular time would help.

I also think children develop 'modesty' at different ages. I have noticed DTD2 asks me to leave her bedroom when she is getting changed now whereas DTD1 would happily walk downstairs naked to ask for someone to help her get her pyjamas out of a drawer.

It might be worth explaining to your son what expectations people have of an 8 year old. I understand about not frightening him about people laughing at him, but the truth is - his school mates probably will.

Original poster

lostittoday · 05/12/2008 16:51

I really do think its just a case of putting it off because he can,t be bothered to drag himself away from something he is enjoying.
I have noticed that if he isn,t particularly engrossed in something there isn,t a problem he just goes to the toilet no problem with soiling at all.

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Original poster

lostittoday · 05/12/2008 16:55

My ds has no modesty at all he wonders around naked and doesn,t care about what he does in front of his friends.
He thinks everything is funny from breaking wind, to belching.

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roundcornvirgin · 05/12/2008 16:58

my ds used to do this - doesn't at all now. It drove me insane but eventually he grew out of it. My ds2's mate somehow managed to put a bit of poo on the floor a few months ago (thank god for laminate) while playing with ds. I think he was also engrossed and had an accident. He has no recognised SN as far as I know. I think it's probably more common than people think.
With my ds I would remind him to go after he'd eaten whilst trying not to make a big deal of it. I've taught chn older than that who had devloped hang ups about going for a poo and held it in - didn't want that to happen to us.

sallyhollyberry · 05/12/2008 17:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MadamDeathstarOverBethlehem · 05/12/2008 21:31

Men start to find bodily functions amusing from the age of 2 until approximately 15 minutes after death.

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