OK, so how flexible should I be with 11 month (almost) DD

[pamelat]

To give a little context

DD has always been highly strung (much like me). I love her to bits but am finding my years maternity leave tough, but already thinking of baby no2 (am I mad!)

She has had a cold for 2 weeks and cant shake it. We have seen GP and he says it isnt serious (its on her chest but ok) so just calpol and TLC. I am also now ill, mainly with feeling sick, dizzy and very tired.

Today DD slept well at lunch (2 hours) and I thought that if we wrapped up warm some fresh air would be nice.

We went to feed the ducks, she was loving it. Went to see some horses, still loving it so I extended the walk.

At literally the furthest point she started screaming, properly screaming (she had had calpol an hour earlier, she shouldn't have been massively tired, not hungry/thirsty as tried all that) she just wanted out of the push chair.

So I walked a mile back home carrying a 22lb DD and pushing the chair, feeling wretched. Every time I put her back in, she screamed so I picked her back out.

Was I wrong to carry her all the way back? I feel like my arms may now fall off and had to stop about 30 times for a rest (which meant we were out in the cold for much longer than I'd anticipated), what would you have done?

Putting her to bed, I took the toothpaste off her and she actually looked right at me and hit me (I realise that she doesnt mean this but its quite upsetting when I have tried my hardest all day for her)

So, rules ..... how do I start setting boundaries? and should I insist on the pushchair, not sure how I would do this thoug as she was very very upset about it.

I personally wouldn't have carried my ds, I'd have let him cry in his pushchair, although it's different when they're not well, so I may have seen if I could sit and calm him for a while, but no I wouldn't have carried him.
The thing with being so young is obviously the lack of understanding. When ds hit me in the face accident or purpose, I'd tell him very firmly no and if he did it again, move him away from me. I'm of the mind that if ou don't tell them, they won't ever learn.
Awful when they're ill though and ds does get away with more. I sat with him for an hour at bedtime yesterday which I'd never do.

How old is your ds littleboyblue?

I am wondering if I should have bought a facing towards me push chair as she often does this but today was silly, she had only been in it 25 mins before kicking off.

Each time I calmed her or gave her a toy (we had a book even which I was reading over her shoulder to her!) she would be ok until we set off again and I felt like we were never going to get home.

I know "flexible" is the wrong word.

My ds is 16m now. But I have never taken him out of pushchair (forward facing) whilst out unless very distressed, and have certainly never carried him anywhere.
I started saying no to him at about 9 months and introducing 'discipline' from then in the form of removing him from situ's if he's being 'naughty'. For example, he was 10m when at a play group he hit a little girl. He's 10 months so not being naughty, but I got down on knees and told him "NO. You must not do that." He didn't understand and maybe doesn't fully now, but he understands no and will understand the rest of it one day, but notr if I don't tell him iyswim.
I'm stricter than alot of my friends though. One friend won't tell her 2yo off if she's tired and 2 won't tell dd's off (2 and 7) if they've had chocolate. For me, there'd be no excuse for unacceptable behaviour, but that's just me.

Poor you pamelet, my DD is 17 months now but can also be hard work. She has hit me in the past but she only ever did it when very tired or poorly and I think it was pure frustration. Now she can talk she doesn't do it, I think because she can tell me what's wrong.
And she did the crying in the buggy thing too, I used to carry her around whilst also pushing the buggy - so been there too! Tis hard work, but I think when they're poorly it's not the best time for setting boundaries.
It does get easier I promise!

Again, different if unwell, still wouldn't let him get away with hitting me, and I wouldn't carry him outside.
I don't think you were wrong to carry her, you obviously did what your instincts told you to do and there's nothing wrong there.

lots of babies hate the pushchair - one reason you will see more parents these days using slings
if you prefer to use pushchair, take a good sling with you in the bottom of the pushchair and then you can swop over if she gets upset
11 months is a baby
ignore the hitting - well i mean, say "no hitting" or "gentle" or something - but ignore as in pay it no mind - she doesn't mean to hurt you or know that she is hurting you! she's just cross at being thwarted - which is understandable - she is really powerless and has no understanding why she can't have the toothpaste

Thanks all. I didnt want to carry her at all but to be honest the screaming/crying was going straight through me and I do worry that people will think "terrible mother, look at her with that baby out in the cold" (which I did then feel guilty about)

I do say "no" to DD. She used to grin and laugh at me about it but now (3 weeks down the line of saying "no") she just cries or throws a mini tantrum - but at least she has learnt the meaning of "no" I guess.

People wouldn't think you're a bad mother, babies cry, that's what they do and as for being out in the cold, you can't stay in all day everyday for most of the year can you?
Ds usefd to throw tantrems like that too, it passes.

does anyone know of a sling that is comfortable for a heavy baby? (22 lbs) my bbay bjorn is useless now, was thinking about the hippy chick one?

I do feel sorry for her, I can imagine how frustrating it is but at the same time some things are just basic safetyguards. I can't let her take the toothpaste to bed, imagine if she bit the top off.

Fortunately my dad witnessed a strop this evening as I think that people must think I exagerrate. I think she only does it to me!

Sorry, don't know anything about slings.
It's the same with my dad, he raves about how well behaved ds is and thinks I lie when i say he's been a hand full on some days. The dc's aren't stupid are they?

oh yes, a ring sling so she can ride on your hip, or a wrap can be worn on front or back
agree baby bjorn useless - very uncomfortable
at first you may feel it is rather heavy but build up slowly eg 10 mins at first
a good sling is nothing like using a baby bjorn!

Try not to give a toss about what other people think (easier said than done, I know). It makes parenting a lot less stressful if you can do that.

I don't think there was a right or wrong way to handle this. You just have to do what seems easiest for the pair of you.

I would have put her in the pushchair and endured the screaming (and do so with 9mo ds2 on occasions, although thankfully we rarely meet people on our walks), purely because my neck and back aren't strong enough to carry a child for any distance. But that is me, not you.

Hope tomorrow is a better day for you.

I sometimes carry a sling, or a hippychick seat with me if we are out for a while, so it is easier to carry dd while pushing the pushchair. Now she is walking well (she's 13m) I let her walk with me for a while. It does get easier, I think that you say no and move on quickly, you can't expect them to understand what no means at one, but they will start to get it soon I think. I have had my lo screaming in the buggy for what felt like ages, and never know whether it is best to have her out or just push on. I generally get her out when its feasible, if we have time to faff about...

I also try to remember, she isn't crying to wind me up. Feels like it some days

much better day today, thanks all.

Although to be fair, I completely avoided the pushchair and she did sleep for 2.5 hours at lunch!!

If you want your DD to get better, you really ought to keep her inside in the warm. Long walks in the cold will just make getting better much harder and longer.

This post isn't about behaviour or boundaries but about the proper care of ill children.

That sounds incredibly patronising.

She was well wrapped up (obviously), lots of layers, gloves, hat, snow suit etc.

I asked my GP (on Tues) whether I needed to keep her in (in case she was contagious mainly) and he said not, just keep her warm.

Isn't fresh air good for you?

I would hardly call 2 miles a long way either, it should have taken 30 mins or so.

and the "long" walk obviously didn't do any damage as as per my previous post, she is a lot better today (after 2 weeks of indoor fun and a persistent cold).

Hello that sounds incrediably familiar! Am sure have been in the same situation with my dd many a time! I wouldn't of carried as am not that good but would have marched back, red faced and very stressed! Those hippy chick things in my experience are rubbish and ended up making my back ache worse (my dd is quite heavy as well!) my advice is that she sounds normal and is gearing up for toddlerhood, I personally don't think 11 months is too young to set a few boundaries and a firm 'no you do not hit mummy' would be fine imo. As for the should not of gone out comment ............... !

Just as an aside when DS had a nasty cold last week the doctor encouraged me to take him out for short walks. He seemed to perk up after them too.

Anyway, I think when your child is genuinely upset you should do what you need to to settle them. I definitely agree about the sling in the pushchair - back when I didn't use the sling all the time I used to carry one in the bottom of the pushchair as DS has never liked them for long periods of time.

As far as "discipline" goes, I started teaching DS "no" and "let go" from around 8 months as he started scratching deliberately when feeding or in the sling. I hold his hand firmly and look him in the eye and say "no, don't scratch". He's a hair puller too, so we did the "let go" thing when he did that too. We knew it was deliberate as he makes this smirky face when he's doing something for a reaction.

At 10 mo he's pretty good at stopping at "no" and actually lets go. I also think all bets are off when they're ill.

No, cold fresh air is not good for ENT illnesses .

I think you made a bad judgement on the walk, which is why she was so miserable in the pushchair. If you had been suffering with a bad cold but dosed yourself up with a lemsip and wrapped up warm you might still feel rough in the open air. So putting her in the sling was probably the best thing you could have done to keep her warm and feeling a bit happier. But if it is a problem for you to use the sling generally - I struggled - then by all means persevere on occasions where your DD is not ill. It's just that it was bad timing on this occasion I think.

Re the hitting etc, I agree with Franny. When they get to nearly 1 year you start to think of them as being so much older and more grown up and understanding than they really are, just because they are no longer quite so baby seeming. But they are still very, very little.

Either way, after the walk her cold went? Obviously it could have been on its way out anyway but it doesn't seem to have done her any harm. Its just made my arms ache a lot.

I think my baby bjorn is only for younger babies.

I am guilty of thinking that DD is more grown up than she is, she is so big and tall and (to me) just not baby like at all anymore.

I even ask her opinions!! Obviously she doesn't answer me ..... yet

No course it wouldn't do her any harm, only the cold air might have felt uncomfortable in her nose/throat/chest, hence the whinging.

An ergo is a FAB sling for a baby of your DD age. You did amazingly to walk so far with a 22lb DD in a BB!

I don't think you did anything wrong.

I've always been told that cold air is good for chesty colds. If she was wrapped up warm, it would have done her a world of good.
As regards the carrying her home. I would have done the same. In fact, I have done the same in the past. No point pushing a screaming child for any distance. I'd rather carry them although I agree that it's no fun pushing a pushchair at the same time. Hopefully it's just because she'd been unwell.
Only thing I would say is perhaps the walk should have been a bit shorter as it sounds as though she had got tired.

Agree with everyone else on the hitting front.