How should I react when other babies nick toys off 10mo DS and generally buly him at baby group .....

[TheGabster]

Yes I am serious. 10mo!! I can't believe I am typing this.

Happens all the time and until now DS would sit there and let them take his toys, but now he is starting to bawl his eyes out. He even pushed a little girl over (she was a lot bigger than him) because she walked over and took the book he was "reading".

I don't know whether I should be intervening, leaving them to sort it out, getting the other parents to control their DCs or chastise mine for lashing out ...... it's a mine field of social awkwardness!!!! Arrrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhh

Please tell me what you would do!

Oh, I hated the first months of plsygroup for this reason.

It really depends on the group. Our group decided on a policy of non-intervention. We only got involved if there was a risk of serious injury.

Speak to the other mums. Don't take it to heart if he gets thumped. He will be one of the big ones soon and will give as good as he gets.

This sort of thing happens, they're babies and they don't know how to 'share' yet. Although at playgroup the other week, a little girl who's 3 snatched something from my dd and I looked at her, put out my hand and said 'you've got to share the toys A' and she gave it back to me and said sorry to dd for snatching. But she's older so can understand.

If it happens perhaps just tell the child that they're supposed to share and give your lo another toy to play with. It's just one of those things, they don't understand the sharing concept, they have to learn it.

Luckily the mums at my playgroup ar fairly alert so if this kind of thing happens the mums usually sort it out and hand the toy back.

The word bullying is getting people het up, but so long as it's the behaviour you're describing as bullying and not the child that's fine.
Children learn how to interact with each other by themselves and the adults around them. If adults allow behaviour that isn't very nice the kids have no cause to moderate themselves. Do you want your child to snatch, grab, hit, pull hair etc? If the answer is NO, then you must not allow them to do it - what other people do with their kids is their look out.
Of course the child snatching is just doing it cos according to toddler law the book your child has belongs to them 'cos they want it! Doesn't mean it's OK or allowed. My 18 month old now knows that when you want something you have to give the other child something else to distract them. She says "here you go" and then snatches what she wants. If it leads to tears I help her give it back and explain you have to ask first and then if they don't want to give it just wait your turn. I then distract my child and when the toy is dropped say it's your turn now. I've been doing this for a while now and I'm certain that by the age of 2 she will understand turn taking and sharing.
She wouldn't if I just "left 'em to it"
She also hits and pulls hair when she wants something, especially if she is tired. I ALWAYS pull her up on it and it is getting less now, she'll soon realise it doesn't get her what she wants. If I didn't intervene she would get what she wants and so would continue.

Intervene - say "no, x is playing with this toy;you can play with it when x is finished. How about this free toy" to the other child. Ensure your child isnt snatching from other toys too.

At 10 months old, they dont really understand sharing but do understand losing something they're playing with - never too early to start foundations of good behaviour though

Nappyaddict - I agree, at some stage the behaviour can be defined as naughty. Once a child is old enough to know that something isn't allowed and remember that. But I've often heard mothers tell their v. young, sometimes pre-verbal DC's, that something is "naughty" and I just think it's inappropriate and reveals a total lack of understanding of their children's development stage, which is quite depressing imo. I think maybe there simply isn't enough education out there about what is appropriate at what age.

I agree that they are babies and so don't understand the concept of sharing, so a baby is not being naughty/a bully by taking toys off of another child. But equally I do think they need to learn/be taught about sharing fromt he word go.

So, in the OPs situation, I would take the book back and say "X is still reading that book, would you like this one..." and offer an alternative.

Also, I don't think bullying is an appropriate label for a baby exploring the normal boundaries.

Hey OP. I guess it is your first child?

Tip: try to distract your DC with another toy.

Please do NOT start telling off other people´s babies. Please do NOT have a "word" with the other parents. That would just be OTT and would not go down well!

LJB - do you use the word naughty to describe behaviour? if not what words do you use?

oh yes. But my DC's are 6 and 9, so old enough to be naughty, iyswim. I don't believe a toddler is.

I do try to use better words than naughty though, more descriptive words "that is unkind" "that was unacceptable behaviour" "that was violent" etc. But sometimes, only naughty will do!