Do you ever actively dislike

[WinkyWinkola]

your child? My DS (3½) is always shouting, screaming, hitting his sister, waking us up at 5.30am by hitting us or shouting, demanding to watch television.

He would appear to have very effectively created a divide-and-rule situation between DH and I.

I've tried talking to him, ignoring him, cajoling him, bribing him, distracting him. None of it works. I feel utterly helpless and very low because this three year old tyrant is ruling this household with his behaviour.

I cannot wait for him to start school. And I cannot wait to fill up his weekends with sport and playdates so that I don't have to deal with this behaviour anymore.

I find him so difficult, so, well, so unlikeable. I know that sounds terrible and I simply don't know where to get help for this situation. Can anyone please help? I'm in tears as I write this because of another horrible weekend of shouting, early rises, hitting etc.

Sorry to hear you are finding things so tough.
Remember though it is the behaviour you dislike not your son.
I am no expert in parenting but found How to Talk useful with my very demanding and wilful 3 year old DD

Poor old you, you sound worn out.... Have you tried talking to a professional about his behaviour? A good place to start is your GP, they can point you in the right direction.

It sounds as tho it's his behaviour you dislike, as opposed to your DS.

Sorry I can't be more help, other than {{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}

3 year old boys are incredibly difficult.

Does he go to preschool? Perhaps it's time for him to do that.

Time outs were the only thing that had any impact on ds1.

Unfortunatly, some children just rise early, and the best, most healthy thing for yourself, your son and your family will be to just accept it. Get up. Put the tv on for him, make him some breakfast and a drink, and crash on the sofa with a duvet. Don't leave it to the point where everyone is angry, with him shouting and hitting and you furious at his behavior. Remind him at ask you nicely, then he can get up.

I hope this helps!

I agree, How to talk is a great book. Also Positive Parenting.
You're in a downward spiral but you can get back to that feeling of unconditional love.
(I know you love him, but it feels clouded atm).

Oh god, yes. Frequently. And, as 'chocolate says, it's more to do with disliking the behaviour rather than the child.

DS2 (7) has the ability to reduce me to tears. We constantly tiptoe round his fragile emotional state but that's not fair on DS1 or DD.

You and your DH need to sit down and come up with a plan of action. How you deal with the behaviour and what sanctions there are and then you both have to stick with it.

The Naughty Stair tends to work reasonably well (it can be tricky to get them to stay there at first but persevere. We call it the bottom stair rather than naughty stair and it's a place to calm down and think).

What also worked well is the pasta jar - 5 pieces of pasta in a jar on a Saturday morning, he can earn a piece for doing good things or not being naughty but pieces can also be taken away (I used to take them away and let them be earned back by not doing the same bit of bad behaviour the next time IYSWIM). Swap the pasta for chocolate/money/other small treat on the next Saturday morning and start again.

[sigh] It's so easy to write stuff down but difficult to put into practice. I need to get back on top of DS2's behaviour as it's deteriorated hugely over the last 12 months or so.

Awww, sounds like you are having a tough time.
Have you talked to your HV about this, do you think there is maybe medically somethng wrong with your son?
Saying that, he does sound like my now 6 year old,and he is jsut a noisy boystrous little boy...and is now far better than he was...so, it will get easier if it is "just" normal if difficult behaviour you are dealing with.
Tbh, the only thing I can think off that might help is just to keep the little man busy....as busy as possible and let him use up his energy with long walks, etc....

As for your emotions towards your ds...I felt like that for the first year or even couple of years with my youngest son...he is a very sensitive little boy and was pretty much constantly crying for the first few years, it really affected the way I felt for him....but yes, it was the behaviour not my child....and that is an important thing to consider....because, if you think of it has disliking your own child (rather than the behaviour) than you will also feel lots of guilt, which is draining in itself....

Can he be trusted to go downstairs and turn the TV on himself? I leave our cable box tuned into CBeebies (which admittedly isn't on at 5:30am, it starts at 6) and BabyDragon (2.10) goes and turns it on herself in the morning. sometimes I leave out a non-spill beaker of water and a snack pot of dry cereal too [bad parent] It makes the mornings much calmer.

My DD was a tyrant at that age. We did as soupdragon has suggested. Taught her to switch the tv on and watch quietly, leaving us and baby DS to sleep on another hour or so. It made all the difference.

It's the age, it's the age!

And not just little boys either: dd could be completely obnosious at that age. Try not to take the tantrums and strops personally. Try to see the fun bits. It will pass all too soon- and will it will go all the lovely 3yo bits: the spontaneity, the funny things they say, the seriousness.

winky i heartily loathed many aspects of being a parent to my 3 y o DD at that stage. as with soupdragon i have frequently been reduced to tears by her demanding, volatile nature and the ages 3 and 4 were just unbelievably testing. you are not alone in your feelings and sleep deprivation magnifies those negative emotions so much too. it will all gradually improve - my DD is now 7 and though still has her moments is a wholly different child from her toddler persona. she seemed so UNHAPPY then. she just seemed constantly frustrated and enraged, looking back! maybe some of them just hate being toddlers - the powerlessness, the constant frustrations involved...good luck and BIG hugs xxx

I have on occasion disliked my youngest DS...or rather, disliked the way he behaves. He can be so difficult and I know full well that certain other adults don't like him. He's only 7 though and although he has his moments (!!) I try and remember the positives in him. Like tonight I spilt a load of tomato sauce all over the floor...without being asked he got a teatowel and wiped it up for me. DS1 would never have done that off his own back and he's the "good one".

It is hard. I sometimes feel awful because I search for an excuse to send him to bed early just to minimise the time I have to deal with him .