if your toddler had a very large birthmark...

[silvermum]

but it wasn't in too bad a place (top of thigh) would you choose to get it removed?
We have a consultation with a paediatric dermatologist on Tuesday and i'm really interested in what other people think/would do. The birthmark is already big and will grow with him. it is dark brown, covers almost the entire width of his thigh and is about two or three inches wide and hairy . There is no prospect of it going away - in fact, it will just get bigger and bigger as he grows.
BUT we are incredibly lucky in that it will hardly ever be visible to anyone else as it's right at the top of the leg. Even with swimming gear on you wouldn't see it (unless he was wearing Speedos )DH is strongly in favour of getting it removed, which the NHS will do, because, in all honesty, it isn't pretty. DH thinks DS will be upset/embarrassed by it at school and might get grief in the changing room etc.
I probably agree but can't bear the thought of my little one having a big operation. it would take place when he's about two,(he's 16 months now) or possibly at age 11. (for some reason these are the two ages they like to operate at.) What do people think?

I would to be honest, our family have them a lot and they are never an issue to the child until they are an adult. I currently have a 19 yr old neice who despises her facial birth mark but left it too long.
I would perhaps wait until 11 though, just because it should be something the kiddy can undertstand.

My DD has a birthmark also.
Hers is of a type that is also meant to grow as the child grows, but it hasnt really, so it looks a lot smaller on her than it did.
My DDs birthmark has to be removed because of the risk of malignant change. Is that a risk for your son?

I think from what you have said, and if this would be a purely cosmetic procedure that I would let him decide at 11.
Do you know how many operations he would need? It sounds like it might be too big to take off in one go?

I have a large hairy one on the back of my wrist. My Dad was a star with it when I was a child - it was always called my beauty spot and I was very proud of it. By the time I was a teenager, I just accepted it as part of me (alhtough did pluck the hairs from time to time )

Much more positive way to deal with it than an op imo.

DS2 has a smaller one on his face and NHS advice on that is that scarring from removing it could well be worse then the birthmark and in any case (FTB) he's very proud of his "furry spot"

we'll know more after we see the consultant on Tuesday. I think the main reason they are suggesting removal is cosmetic, though there is a slightly elevated chance of melanoma (skin cancer) with these birth marks. It is a very difficult birthmark to monitor for changes, as it is (strangely) two birthmarks, slightly overlapping each other. they are different colours, and there is some ragged edging - it's not all clearly outlined IYSWIM. That's one of my concerns, that i might not spot a change that could mean it's going malignant.
I feel so grateful that it's where it is, but all the same, it is unsightly because of its size.

Mine's unsightly in the real world silver, but dad managed to put such positive spin on it for me that I genuinely believed it was something to be proud of and that's what counts after all - doesn't matter what the rest of 'em think!

agreed, isit, it's a very sweet idea to make something positive of it. i do like the idea of "furry spot" ! i think we will see what the medical reasons are, if any, for removing it while he's still young, and base our decision on that. i also like the idea of involving him in the decision, when he's older, but it might be an even bigger deal of an operation then, because it will have grown etc.

ds2 is actually in the process of having his removed. When he was born it was maybe about 1.5"x1" and it has grown to about 4.5"x3". His is on the top of a buttock/lower back, same type that you describe: a hairy naevus.

He got teased about it at school (possible grounds for doing it earlier?) and was very self conscious about it. When he was 8-9 he asked us several times about getting it removed, so we set the process in motion.

Because it has grown so big it now needs a series of operations to remove it. (Possible grounds for doing it earlier?) Apparently a skin graft (which they could do in one go) would not provide such a neat result.

He had the second op 2 weeks ago, and until we see the surgeon again in January we don't know whether it will need 1 or 2 more ops. But the scar is looking very neat.

Ops have not been a problem at all, and he's had very little pain. It's just inconvenient as he needs time off school for the scar to heal and the hospital is 1.5 hrs drive away.

In retrospect I think we should have done it when he was 2 and get it over and done with, so that it didn't disrupt his schooling, and probably with fewer operations.

If you have any specific questions, please ask!

oh thanks roisin, it's great to hear from someone who has been through this. yes, ours is a lovely congenital hairy nevus! were/are the operations under general anasthaetic?
and if there's no skin graft, what exactly do they do - stretch the existing skin in some way? At our first consultation about it (we've only had one consultation so far, six months ago) they thought they could probably do it without a skin graft, but i think we were going to have to see a plastic surgeon to know for sure as the paediatric dermatologist wasn't an expert in that particular aspect of things.

Yes they have done a GA - fortunately he was fine with it.
Actually, second time they offered him a local, but he wasn't at all keen!

We saw a plastic surgeon too (another wait for a referral!) He offered us three methods, but simple excision was his preferred option. He told us:
Laser removal was possible, but because this only affects the surface of the skin and these birthmarks are deeper there was a possibility it might grow back, and also the actual texture of the skin would change, and it wasn't ideal for such a large birthmark.
Skin graft would be more traumatic for him as there would be two scars. Also the end result would not be so cosmetically satisfactory, and a simple flat scar would be preferrable.

(ds2 asked the surgeon if it was possible to make the final scar look like a scar from a shark attack! )

Yes, they use the natural elasticity of the skin to stretch it over the bit they've cut out.

Now if it was me there would be no problem and they could cut out inches and still have plenty to stretch over, but ds2 is a skinny little wretch, so they can only do a bit at a time!

They basically cut out a slice of skin about 2cm wide (and the breadth of the birthmark), cutting out the 'full depth' of skin, then stretch over the skin from the edges and stitch it up firmly.

The plastic surgeons are great and can do this sort of thing in their sleep. We've had no problems at all so far, and it's looking really good already.

I have a dark brown one on my shin, so it is visible when I wear a skirt or shorts... I am very proud of it and it was what is part of me. I would never consider removing it. I alwys tell people who are rude about it that only lucky people have birthmarks. BTW both my dc have pale brown ones too, like the ones both my parents have.

Just out of curiosity are you not supposed to wax the hair off them? I didn't know that! Whoops!

its nothing to be ashamed of. i wouldn't operate at 2.

I think I'd have it removed early if there was a chance of future malignancy/difficulty in spotting it. Especially as it is small now but likely to get bigger.

I had one removed from my neck (non hairy) which I'd been teased about at school to some extent ("You're got chocolate on your neck!") but wasn't really a problem. A doctor recommended it having it removed in my 20s because it was an uneven colour and ragged in shape and edges. I now have a neat white line instead which isn't a problem. Mine was done under local.

I would leave it as I would not put a child under a GA unless it was truly necessary.

It's a birthmark on his thigh which won't get exposed very much. If some little shite at school wants to find a reason to say something horrible, they will always find something to pick on.

My brother has a birth mark that goes from his big toe all the way up to his hip. It goes bright red in the sun (though he tans VERY easily and it tends to just blend after a few days) and is visible in shorts/swimming trunks. As far as I know he's never had any kind of teasing or problems. But then he isn't the type to get bullied iyswim.

My Ds has one on his bum, it's round, about a inch square. It has never crossed my mind to have it removed, it has grown a little bit. I do check it though as I worry about it changing .

We never considered having it removed when he was younger. I have port wine stains on my legs and wasn't particularly bothered by them.

But, when we saw the dermatologist he explained that this type and size of birthmark was associated with an increased skin cancer risk, and it has affected ds2's confidence/self esteem.

In retrospect I do wish we'd had it done when he was younger.

thanks for all the views. i'm not sure why but my husband seems to feel really strongly about getting it removed. he's very negative about the birthmark (thinks it's ugly etc). I would consider just leaving it alone and bringing up DS to be proud of his "fur spot" or whatever we might call it, but i fear DH might unwittingly transmit these negative feelings to DS, which would be awful. Of course DS will take his cue from us, so if he thinks his daddy thinks the birthmark is bad, he will too ...
the consultation today was helpful - the next stage is to talk to the plastic surgeon. We should get an appointment with him in a few weeks, and he'll be able to talk us through what the process would be. We've still not commited to anything though.

I would certainly look into getting it done if it was either of mine for all the same reasons as roisin...

My DS is 13 and has a large hairy mole on the back of his knee and he gets teased about it and another under his ear {smaller though} and I am thinking about asking if they can be removed

They have grown as he has and so if I was you I would do it as a toddler before school and swimming and PE etc

Good luck with your decision

It's funny, DP is the one who wants to get DS's birthmark removed. He's worried baout bullying.

DS has a red mark a bit like a scald on his knee that is quite large but is not always red so isn;t noticable all the time.

The stuff I have read about them seems to say that most will face as they get older and I'm quite happy to just wait and see.

i only really know about our type of birthmark, which doesn't fade, but i have heard that some other types fade quite nicely.