Teaching a baby no - when to start and how?

[Ewe]

My DD is 8.5 months and has been crawling for a while and nursery just called to tell me she managed to take a couple of steps before falling flat on her face. Despite babyproofing my house when we are at home it is a nightmare keeping her safe and I am dreading her walking.

She climbs, pulls herself up etc and then just lets go or attempts to step forward, this results in her generally falling flat on her face. She picks up every little spec of anything and it goes straight in her mouth and whilst we try to move everything out of her way it's not easy to be on guard all of the time.

Obviously at 8.5 months she doesn't have any concept of danger. How old before she will understand no? Can I start teaching her yet? If so, what is the best way to do it? Also, when, if ever, should I start to be concerned about how much she is bumping her head - is it ok to assume that if she only cries for a few seconds it hasn't hurt that much?

Could a [whispers] playpen be of any help?

TIA

Hi Ewe!

we too, have been thinking about whether we should think about considering a play pen. DS sounds exactly the same and needs to be watched most of the time. He used to swing off the lower rungs of the clothes horse (before I moved it), he waves great long shrimp nets around wildly while holding onto the sofa and is generally getting in places he really shouldn't be just yet. The main thing stopping me getting a playpen is imagining him hanging onto the bars yelling to be let out. However, I'm thnking of getting one to put the Christmas tree in so I'm a bit torn. I think the temptation to climb ion the playpen myself may be too great though .
As for "No", I've started wagging my finger whilst I say it, I also remove offending article from his grasp or remove him from a situation. I don't wave my finger in his face, obviously, just trying to use a few signs in the hope they will help him understand.
I hope your DD is feeling better, btw. That must have been terrifying for you.

This is the age whenthey have a permanent bruise on the forehead from pulling up and falling down and there isn't much you can do about it apart from removing obvious dangers and keeping and eye on them. tis a nightmare. As for saying no - they have no idea what you are going on about at this age and you are far better trying to baby proof the house then trying to 'train' your baby. She won't hurt herself too badly just toppling over.

A play pen isn't a bad thing, just as a buggy isn't a bad thing - just a practical measure. I found putting my mobile children in there meant that instead of wandering/wrecking all day, they actually focussed on their toys for half an hour or so. Then they came out for another wander. Why put yourself under pressure to watch them the whole time? Doesn't do them any harm, quite the contrary in my view.

And if you start saying no now, they'll soon get the idea, though that usually means they stagger towards the hot tea, fireplace etc shouting 'no no no' as they go.

She is feeling much better now thanks SOF.

Do you find DS laughs when you say no?

She flashes me a wicked grin and cackles. Maybe she does understand what I am saying after all...

I hadn't even thought about a Christmas tree [groan] - may just give it a miss this year!!

I think I should move to a soft play centre

Play pen might buy you some peace tho!

And they often like the playpens with bars as they can pull themselves up on it and wander round it before they can walk properly.

I completely agree with smallorange about babyproofing the house. But even with a babyproofed house babies can get into situations just by dint of being in an environment where people are. People will leave drawers open, babies like to investigate door jambs etc. I do believe that it isn't too early ro start saying No just as it isn't too early to say anything else. I would be worried if I was saying No often but I think there's no harm in letting your baby know that some things are ok to play with (their toys) and other things aren't (their sister's Nintendo DS).

Oh yes, when I do say "no" DS looks at me like I've just told him a very funny joke and sets about whatever he was doing before with renewed vigour

Dd is 5mo and we have started saying no and moving her hand if she does something she shouldnt ie when changing she tries to roll over for the nappy.

I think they need to know from an early what no means. We arent cruel with it and gently say no as we move her hand away.

She is getting the idea and now one no will work.

We said "no" from very early on. She didn't understand or listen for ages, but it was always there. Now that she's 2.6 she fully understands, but doesn't always listen.

lauraloola - I think you are doing the right thing. As with many other things I don't see the point of suddenly introducing new rules, for example, DD is expected to sit at the table until DH and I have finished eating. I don't see the point in waiting until she is x and saying, "Right, you're old enough to learn some table manners. From this day forth you shall say down please" etc etc.

There is nothing wrong with playpens.
I didn't use mine much but I was glad to have it. I simply don't understand the problem some people have with playpens.

Thanks Lilredwg - I was worried I would get slated!

I dont think she is too young and she is learning already. We praise her when she listens and we arent harsh at all.

I hope that in doing it she will know that no means no.

I hate to sound like one of those old 'just you wait tyoes' but my DS was very good with understanding no, from around 10 months but by about 15 months would love to do anything just to get a 'no' and then laugh!

We used a travel cot as a playpen, but I would put then in before they can move to get used to it, DS2 got really upset as we forgot with him and he was not happy when his new found freedom was curtailed by a pen.

Ds1 otoh loved his and would cry to go in it!

I think it was probably around that age that we started to say "No" to DS for some things, and I think he started to understand quite quickly - we reinforced by removing the object or gently moving him away from what he was trying to do if he still kept doing it after a few No's. Now he is nearly 1 and he DEFINITELY knows what it means, and has started to imitate me shaking my head - he will even start shaking his head sometimes if he is trying something he knows he isn't meant to do! And today when I went to wipe his nose (which he doesn't like) he shook his head and said "Nuh"! So he is definitely getting the idea

On the other hand, I would still not rely on this for anything potentially dangerous for a long time yet, if ever! He can be quite cheeky and I would be worried about him "trying it on" if he thought I wasn't looking. So we are still childproofing anything dodgy and trying to keep a close eye on him as well! But for instance for things that aren't mega dangerous but just a bit yucky it is useful.

Thanks for all the reponses - really helpful! I have been saying no for a while too lauraloola so def no slating here, it just doesn't seem to having much of an impact on my monkey DD.

Have looked into playpens - jeez they are expensive! However I think it will be necessary as I am moving in Jan and the place is very very open plan and kitchen/dining room and lounge are all one area so will struggle to do ANYTHING without one.

So I'm not going to beat myself up about putting her in one! You're totally right, why make life harder for myself?

am a bit unconvinced about playpens myself, not from any moral standpoint, but because i reckon they will only be useful for a few weeks, abs max, before your little ones get even more mobile and start rattling at the bars like a cage and yelling because they want out! is it worth the money for such a short period? I did think about getting on for my LO but that period when they can be contained in a small space without screaming the house down out of sheer frustration is very, very short. it would have been a real waste of money in our case.

ds is also 8.5 months (born March 08) and DH and I were smiling today to realise he definitely seemed to recognise his own name. He was trying to climb into the (empty) fireplace again and we called out his name, he stopped and turned his head. He responded to it about four times.

My point being that they can recognise words/sounds even at that age, keep saying no and follow it up with action ie moving her away from the plug etc and she'll soon realise. It's just the start of comprehension.

ps, ewe, our place is also alarmingly open plan - kitchen/dining room and lounge all one area. we got round the problem by putting a baby gate to block off the kitchen bit (you can get very wide ones) but that didn't last long either as he got really upset/frustrated if he was on the other side to me/whoever was looking after him, making it impossible to get on with anything anyway. (hard to keep cooking with yelling baby rattling at bars - good luck!

I had a playpen that my DD used to hike herself up on when she was learning to stand/walk and that I used for real security issues and emergencies only - ie I would stick her in their when I had to get something hot out of the oven and she was too little to be told to stay out of the kitchen.

IMVHO it can backfire to tell children "no" too soon as they quickly learn to do exactly what you want them to stop doing - they find it hilarious.

Children have little awareness of danger until they are around 3.

I might see if I can borrow one but yes I can see what you are saying - she already pulls up on stairgates and shouts when I am in the kitchen.

theinsider - she def recognises her own name and I read somewhere that saying name plus no is a good way of getting them to pay attention to it so I am definitely going to keep on at that. It's such a lovely age though isn't it? Apart from the every two seconds of "Arggh, what is that she is putting in to her mouth?" when not in a secure hoovered safe environment i.e. not my lounge!

In 6 months time she will understand almost everything you say. "no" is one of the first things they understand, and if you think about how much they've got to absorb she's got to be nearly getting it.

i distinctly remember my hv saying don't say No, they hear it enough later.
so i didnt
tears hair out,
well i used other words i think isntead but by dd3, had much less patience.

My new "living space" is one huge square room so no way at all I can block the kitchen off, unless they do a 7m stairgate/room separator type thing! It has a roof terrace too. What am I thinking!?

Anna - DD does find it funny when I say "DD no" but I don't know why? Surely she doesn't understand no and find it funny that she is ignoring me! Must just be my stern look that amuses her.

apparently "no" is the first word for many children because they've heard it more than most other words