Need some advice on helping DD deal with change..........don't think I'm doing it right :(

[Wallaroo]

We have just moved back from abroad. DD is 5 and in Y1 so she has left all her friends behind and changed country, school and house. DH is due to join us permenantly in just under 2 weeks but is still working abroad (although has managed to come back and forwards a bit).

DD has settled well into her new school but seems to be very emotional at home. She flies off the handle at the slightest thing (which is unlike her), stomps around, bursts into tears over what seems like nothing.

I am trying to be patient with her, understanding but sometimes without DH around, her little brother to deal with too and being 28 weeks pregnant I get cross with her which of course achieves nothing.

I don't know what to do with her to help her get through this. I am sure it's all to do with the massive change in her life, not to mention the boxes that surround her in the new house, mummy's expanding tummy and daddy's absence.

Any advice (if you have made it this far)?

Time heals all wounds; I suspect she is trying really hard at school and just needs to let it all out at home.

I suspect that once Christmas gets a little closer and perhaps she visits some of her new friends during the holidays, she will calm down a little.

It sounds as if it is quite a stressful time for you as well what with 2 small dcs and another on the way and dh away, but is there any way that you and dd can have some girly time together? Perhaps some one to one time (doing each others hair if you only have 5 minutes, watching tv with popcorn if you have any longer etc etc etc) will help to reassure her.

That's a nice idea, Nelly, I will try and fit sometime together in over the weekend. Maybe she can stay up a little later than her brother on Fri or Sat night, might make her feel more special!

It may not work, but it may be a good incentive for her to behave if you mention it earlier on in the day.

Best of luck

Thank you!

Anyone else share any ideas?

She is 5 years old and dealing with all of this change all at once - most adults wouln't cope so well.

Could you let her have a couple of fridays of school to be with you and expanding tummy? This may help her not feel pushed out at the moment and still give her time at school to make new friends and settle in there.

Could she help you unpack the boxes in the new house to help her feel part of moving into your new home? This may make her feel it really is her place to be and feel comfy.

I agree Ivy it's a massive change for her especially at her age and she is doing well really, it's just heart breaking to see her so upset about minor things - I know it is something deeper she is struggling to cope with (ie. the move), I just want to help her through it.

Not sure about keeping her off school as I am keen to establish a good routine. I am going to have a quick chat with her teacher today just to make sure she is as happy as I think she is at school.

Good idea about the boxes, maybe we could unpack some together and we can decide where the bits should go. I have already decided to let her help me do the nursery in a few weeks time.

TBH - my 5 yr old is like this and there have been no major events for her - except moving from reception to Yr 1 which is quite a leap for them.

I'd say that it was normal behaviour generally, and just being a mum and reassuring her - when she asks for it (not when you think she might be feeling it iyswim?) will be just fine.

hi wallaroo - we moved from the uk to oz when DD was 3.5, from oz to nz when she was 4.5 and from nz back to the uk when she was 5.5. not content with that, we still changed areas within the uk a year after that, and now intend to stay put for years to come while we all recover !

DS is 2 yrs younger and handled everything completely coolly. barely changed behaviour at all. just as well - bcs all our attention was diverted by DD who is very highly-strung and anxious by temperament and who (had we only known it) turned out to be Not At All Keen On Change!! poor mite. anyway - it was a bit of a nightmare esp when she was younger, but usually 2-3 months down the line she settled very well. all the behaviours you describe we also had, in spades, it was like treading on egg shells the whole time at home (at school she was fine, like your child). i also tried to be understanding but god did she try my patience at times. it did take that long each time though. we also gave her lots of individual attention and talked her through everything endlessly. we had treat weekends away when we could to highlight the 'new and exciting' aspects of the new environment. lots of family time at weekends when DH available ( he came back later than us from nz too). she is fine now, really settled and has made friends beautifully. still volatile, but that's her temperament!!
i would say give it a few more weeks and you should be in a much better place. stay cool if you can and give her a lot of slack. it will all slot into place.

thanks katie, that made a really reassuring read.