Would you leave your 9 year old in the house alone?

[bigTillyMint]

DD would like me to leave her in the house for 15-20mins while I pick her brother up from a club. She is incredibly sensible and trustworthy, but I still don't want to leave her alone.

WHat would you do?

Agree with Ivykaty: I'd feel far more worried about driving them somewhere. Hundreds of children are killed in their parents cars every year- and yet we persist in thinking that our children are safe because they are with us. If only!

So I guess there's no conclusive answer!

FWIW, I would be walking 5-10 mins to get DS and same back - 20 mins max.

IvyKaty, I think I do feel she's sensible enough to be left, but worry that other's would judge me as irresponsible.

And the stories of house fires / burglars are pretty unnerving too

frogwatcher on Mon 24-Nov-08 20:33:45
"Just out of interest - and I am truly not judging but working out if I am too protective - if a newspaper story was discussed on here tommorrow like: '9 year old dead in house fire - a nine year old girl unfortunately died when she couldnt escape from the house while her mum was on a school run and an electrical fire started in the kitchen. The phone lines went dead (as they are likely to do in a house fire) and the girl was unable to unlock the door in the smoke and confusion and was dead when found by firefighters'. What would be the reaction on mumsnet - one of judgement at her being left, or one of well it could happen to me."

Just out of interest (sorry, playing the devil's advocate here, not really as mean as I sound)- if you read a newspaper story tomorrow- a nine year old girl unfortunately died in a car crash when she was taken by her Mum on the school run- what would be your judgment at her being taken on this statistically far more dangerous journey, or one of well it could happen to me?

And if you think the mother was less irresponsible- why?

We do know that the chances of anyone experiencing a car crash are far higher than of anyone experiencing a house fire, and the chances of people dying in a car crash are higher still. Providing they get into a car in the first place.

The truth is that the above scenario happens so frequently that it is quite likely not even to make the local paper, and if it does most of us wouldn't react with shock and horror (just with a little sadness) because it is so common that it can be half expected. A child dying in a house fire would certainly make the local paper , maybe even the national ones. A child abducted and murdered would make the front page of the nationals.

So how does this make a parent irresponsible for choosing to risk only the remotely likely house fire rather than the far more likely car crash.

Well said, cory.

Haven't read the whole thread sorry but my answer to the OP is no, I wouldn't leave a nine year old alone in the house. 11 was the youngest we left dd1 and we haven't left dd2, now 11, home alone at all yet, although she has been here with only her sister (now 13) for an hour or two.

I have just returned from picking my 9yr old up from cubs and I left my 7yr old son in the house for 20 minutes. He would much rather stay than go with me. Both boys know how to phone and what to do in an emergency. They wouldnt have trouble getting out of the house as I dont lock the door - now that will get you all going I'm sure We live in a rural development of 3 houses and we all know each other. I dont leave them if none of the neighbours is in. I would rather leave the door unlocked than lock anyone in the house. We have no fences and are surrounded by woodland. I leave both boys whilst I walk the dogs in our fields when it is dark and in the summer I send them out to walk the dogs on their own. I would rather let my kids develop their independance than worry about watchingntheir every move

bigtillymint - please dont worry what others may think of you, dont fall into the trap. Do what is best for your family (not anyone elses)

I would certainly leave my dd in the house and pop over the road to my firnds, my dd walks to school on her own and home again. I have let my dd have freedom since she was 8 years old and have increased the freedom and given her a mobile phone whilst she is out playing with her friends.
I let her go out to play in the spring, summer and autum before the clocks change. I want her to experiance being able to play out, as I did, and have the joy of meeting friends and not having adult supervision all the time.

I have struggled at times but it is my struggle not her prison. Every parent will have thoughts and worries, not letting thoses thoughts stunt our childrens development is important, as is keeping worries in proportion.

I have no problems leaving my 9yo dd alone for a fairly short time. In fact we've been doing it for a few years - though only 10/15mins at first. She's very sensible and has great presence of mind. She has instructions on what to do if there were to be a problem and is on no account to answer the door or phone.

If she's not allowed to answer the phone, how could you tell her you're going to be a bit later than you thought?

NO!

I also leave my kids in the house when I am out for 15mins feeding the horses every morning. They know that if mummy isnt there when they get up she will be up the hill feeding the animals and they sometimes phone and say Mum can you hurry up and get me some breakfast! Interestingly i discussed this subject with some friends and the sad thing was that most of us left our kids but didnt tell people as we thought they would dissaprove. Wouldnt it be much better if your neighbours knew so they could keep an eye out for you?

seeker - we have an answer machine so I would just leave a message on there which DS1 would be bound to hear - as 99.99% certain he'd be sat right next to the telephone on the sofa watching TV

I think the less it was frowned upon by some the more people would actually let their children have freedom or leave a sensible child for a short period of time.

Yes people could watch out for each others children - just like it used to be when it was normal to let children have freedom. there were far more dangers around in the 1930-1940's and 50's than there are now, comunication was very limited, only few people had telephones let alone a mobile phone.

We ring my mum!

I was left home alone and the house caught fire, I wouldnt dream of leaving my nearly 10 yr old home alone.
Way too much responsibility and if I were off out somewhere in the car, its more likely to be burlarised.
We were broken into a few years back during the day, also, we kind of like each others company - but in all fairness I only have 1.
I do think children with siblings are often more reliant.

As I've said before, when I was 8 I ended up in intensive care after falling off a horse. My dd rides twice a week.( I often have my eyes shut pretending to watch her!) I think it's REALLY important not to let our own bad experiences colour our own children's upbringing.

Good on you, Seeker. I have had to explore this question of fear quite closely as my now 12yo dd has a disability which means that she can collapse suddenly and fall, just walking down the road. So the temptation is to keep her always safe by my side and watch over her.

Instead, I have come to the conclusion that what somebody like her needs is not to be less independent and self-reliant than her peers: she needs to be more clued-up, if she is to cope with life on anything like equal terms. And my job is to teach her that. Or at least to leave her alone to work it out for herself.

Yes I do it all the time. No longer than half an hour though but he's sensible.

I'd have no problem at all with it.