What do I give fussy friends for tea?

[bella29]

Hey there people

Trying to take a bit of heat off that poor woman who asked if it would be rude to use a DS in church

I do genuinely want to know though what you all think about feeding dc's fussy friends when they come round for tea.

They are not majorly weird fussy, but there's a pair of siblings and between the two of them meat and vegetables are excluded, and anything remotely exotic (eg an olive) is just not on.

Should I stick to my guns and dish up what we normally eat or cater to their problems tastes.

TIA & leave that poor woman with the DS alone!

Actually one reason I do care is that I'm kind of reluctant to have them here over a meal or snack time as I know they won't eat.

We live in France and it is very common for kids to have an after school snack together. I don't invite DD's two best mates as often as I would if they were less fussy.

We don't buy biscuits as DD can't have dairy, soya or nuts. I tend to make cakes and biscuits or give them toast and jam with a bit of fruit for snack time. This pair won't even try these things but just say 'they don't like it'. As far as they are concerned biscuits come out a packet and they view anything else as suspect.

Honestly though what kid doesn't like pancakes and maple syrup or choc chip cookies or toast and bloody jam?

BTW my DD2 is a bit fussy so I do have sympathy with the issue but she isn't so fussy she'll turn down a bit of homemade chocolate cake FGS.

Oh I know Beachcomber it can really wound you - that's how I learned my lesson. I had no idea at first how bad it could be as DS will eat most things. Friend came for lunch with her two young children and I made a thick blended potato/carrot soup with bread - I honestly thought that would be fine, in fact better than fine, as they are veggie, it is good plain food in my book, DS has always loved it etc. Both children rejected it out of hand as it was "made of different foods mixed together" and even the mum seemed a bit off with me and my stupid offering. It hurt because I thought I'd been so thoughtful and made an effort.

I didn't show I was hurt but it's bits and bobs all the way from now on.

See my fussyish DD2 would have scoffed a bowl of your lovely sounding soup snowleopard.

Actually sometimes seeing how difficult some kids can be makes me so that she isn't too bad.

I kind of refuse to entertain it though. I serve up nicely cooked food and expect them to get on with it. I am also trying to teach my kids that we don't only eat things we just love all the time. Sometimes we have to eat stuff that we are not keen on (don't give them anything I know they really don't like just stuff they aren't crazy about like some veg).

Don't make them finish or anything but I do expect them to have a try of things they might not like.

I would leap at the chance of that soup, snowleopard, and anyone who turns down Nigel Slater choc cake is a wee bit suspect in my book

I don't find it hurtful (perhaps I should!) - it's more along the lines of what beachcomber says about not wanting my own children to think we only eat our most favourite foods and also being a tad aggrieved really that I have to serve up all this very (for us) weird stuff just to keep others happy. And once they've made a big fuss about (shock,horror!) having a piece of red pepper on their plate they always guzzle the pudding, even asking for seconds and thirds. I've been quite strict with my own and they eat what we eat, and only get pud if they've eaten their main course.

Is that really draconian?

I would never force my dc to eat anything but I do encourage them to try everything, rahter than just serving up sausage and chips every day because that's what they like, as these children have been brought up

You should cater to their tastes or not invite them. It would be rude to do otherwise.

Huh?

Do you mean I have to serve exactly what they want, and nothing else?

No. You don't have to. You only have to do that if you don't want to be the sort of control freak nightmare who embarrasses your children and scares their friends.

Did you perhaps wander into the wrong thread here, Colditz

You are a bit scary otherwise!

Glad it wasn't just me who thought that!

I was only trying to draw flak away from that woman with the DS in church anyway.

Next time, shan't bother

Well it's a great and perennial MN debate bella, and could even kick off on this thread. I do agree with you that a lot of people seem to bring up their children hardly ever trying anything interesting and giving them only convenience foods that children are supposed to like. I have a DS who's a good eater and will try almost anything - and I've always been careful to give him a wide range of foods to try, give him all kinds of adult food, and keep encouraging him with things he's wary of as one is advised to do. And I do happen to think there's a correlation in our case, and I do think a lot of parents allow/encourage their children to have very narrow tastes to various degrees. I know some who do, I see them saying to their kids "Oh you don't like that darling" and always giving them the same thing off the kids' menu or the same plain cheese sandwich, and I think it's a bit crap.

BUT as I have learned from MN, it is possible to have a very fussy eater no matter how hard you try, and there are always exceptions - children with genuine allergies, very sensitive taste etc., children who have ASD and really can't bear foods being mixed together for example. And you can't know with a given child how much it is fussy attention-seeking and how much really horrible for them to eat certain things.

So while I think people could maybe in general be more adventurous with the food they give their children, I don't believe in forcing kids to eat things they hate - after all adults rarely have to. Usually they are just fussy IMO, and I find it annoying, but any given case could be a genuine dislike or distress and you can't know for sure.

And I think having them round for a meal is not the time to address this issue, even if it winds you up.

I do agree that often the stuff they whine is bollocks. I know children who "won't" eat food made of different things mixed together or food they haven't tried before - oh but they will if it comes in a bright foil wrapper and is largely made of sugar. No problem. What it's really about is unfamiliarity and what they're used to.

I know what you're saying snowleopard and I agree.

For the record (esp if Colditz is lurking ) I never contemplated forcing anyone to eat anything, or tackling anyone's issues.

It's more a case of not wanting to make my own children, plus me and my dh, eat bangers & chips which we don't like just cos the friends do.

beachcomber - that is really f**king annoying - that's why it pisses you off. (just call me your very own, free-of-charge MN therapist). you're being very patient. serve them bread and butter next time (don't tell me - they don't eat bread and butter?)
i tend to not get too wound up by 'normal' fussiness (beachcomber - yours are not 'normally' fussy visitors!) and serve pasta and pesto, or jacket potatoes, or fish fingers (always a winner) and the usual veg - i don't care whether that gets eaten or not by the visiting hordes, as long as mine have theirs . i tend to also want the 'date' to go well more than i want to convert any visitors to a healthy, broader diet than they appear to be used to at home. mine can be fussy but some of our visitors seem astonishingly so, bring back the victorian nursery days i heartily agree!!

beachcomber - that is really f**king annoying - that's why it pisses you off. (just call me your very own, free-of-charge MN therapist). you're being very patient. serve them bread and butter next time (don't tell me - they don't eat bread and butter?)
i tend to not get too wound up by 'normal' fussiness (beachcomber - yours are not 'normally' fussy visitors!) and serve pasta and pesto, or jacket potatoes, or fish fingers (always a winner) and the usual veg - i don't care whether that gets eaten or not by the visiting hordes, as long as mine have theirs . i tend to also want the 'date' to go well more than i want to convert any visitors to a healthy, broader diet than they appear to be used to at home. mine can be fussy but some of our visitors seem astonishingly so, bring back the victorian nursery days i heartily agree!!

That is a weird meal Starlight.

Although I quite fancy it

Seriously, if you don't want to serve food that visitors will eat, don't invite them. Serving food you know they won't like, won't eat or will cause issues is rude and pointless, and stressful for everyone involved, including your guests. If you can't be a polite and courteous hostess, don't put yourself in the position of hostess.

And no, I didn't wander into the wrong thread, but I was an extremely fussy eater through no fault of my mothers, and I remember one of her 'friends' trying to take me in hand. I hated her for years.

I do the same as Wags or sausage/veggie sausages and mash

I just ask the visiting kids - 'what would you like for dinner?'

My boys like most things so i ask the visitng if they like x,y,z i give them a few choices, it seems to solve issues.

(I don;t have the boys 'friends' over as they are only in nursery but i do have relatives children and friends kids over alot.)

Thank you Katiek! I actually slightly worry about these kids as it almost seems like they have some kind of phobia. They will eat toast and butter but not bread and butter. They complain about my bread because it is not the one their mum buys but they do eat it.

Colditz I can see where you are coming from but I would really like to find a happy medium. I want my guests to be happy and try to serve things they like but there is a limit.

I really sympathise with parents who have fussy kids and with the children. I refuse to buy certain foods though because I think they are shit. I know the kids will eat them but I don't want to buy them or feed them to kids.

Beachcomber, I know! These children I am talking about won't eat crusty white bread (not just the crusts, the whole thing because it's not the type of white bread they always get at home) - I wouldn't be so brave as to put our usual wholemeal on the table. So I do accommodate as much as I can but surely my dc have some rights too?!

Starlight - that's going to be my lunch tomorrow - sounds fab!

And Colditz, I am truly sorry someone did that to you but I have never done that to any child, nor would I. I just wondered how far should you pander to your guests tastes - if they only came over once in a blue moon it wouldn't bother me, but they come quite regularly and, as I said, surely my dc are entitled to eat the stuff they like too? When my dc go to the friends for tea, I expect them to be given whatever is usually served and, if they don't like it, to quietly leave it on their plate.

Does that make sense or do you still think I am that nasty horrid woman from your childhood?!