what happens straight after time out in your house

[yawningmonster]

first of all, I know there are those out there that disagree with time out and in their eyes I am doing the wrong thing but we do use it so....what happens when you open the door. I wonder if this is where I am going wrong. DS seems to have no concept at all what the time out is for no matter how clear I think I am being. Time out only occurs when you hurt someone/animal, you go in until you calm down and then the door is opened. The minute I open the door ds asks me to do something "read me a story" "can you play with me" etc. I don't know if doing this rewards all the screaming, hurting etc that has just preceeded it or if it is ds' way of reentering the scene and making sure "things are ok" It is 3pm here and ds is in a time out that has gone on some time as he is in a real rage. (Yes I have tried on other occasions different methods for helping him gain control of the rage but they all seem to wind him up further and I end up getting hurt)

How old is DS yawning?

4

I would gently and briefly explain why my DC had had timeout, ask for a nice apology and then agree to a story etc after mummy has done x or y. So there is a bit of time between timeout and doing something together but giving DC achance to 'bond' with mummy again.

I would also gently stress that it is not nice to hit mummy as it makes her sad.

I actually never ask for an apology anymore as it can make the time out last for hours, he does not give in lightly. The rest of your post is what I try to do but he will not leave me to do x and y and ends up hitting me in frustration and going back to time out. He came out for a few minutes just now and was calm and I did talk to him about hitting me and why he had gone to time out (don't talk mum)then he started shouting again about if I just read him a story he wouldn't hit me to which I said I wouldn't do anything for someone who was shouting at me at which point he hit me and so is back again...I am just so, so, so tired. I can't figure out what I am doing wrong.

actually I do know what I did wrong I started him tantrumming in the first place and it was an avoidable one if I look back

It is not easy to do the right thing when you are tired, and they do not understand about that at that age.

He sounds like my (now 10) DS.

in our house once a punishment is over, it is over; they need to learn about reconciliation as much as about anything else; if I sulk I'm not teaching them how to start again

Just a sentence about why they were out there so they understood and haven't forgotten! Then life as normal as the negative consequences are over and done with and the slate is clean.

I would definitely not to anything which could be construed as withholding love.

I don't see that you are doing anything wrong. Obviously things take time (as in weeks/months/years!) so it's important just to be consistent. In fact, you are doing lots very right, especially in looking at how your own actions may have contributed!

sounds like he needs a firmer more clearer explaination of -

-what he's not allowed to do

-what will happen if he has finished time out

ask for apology, big cuddle, mummylovesyou then diversion onto something new (not back to what he was doing as this can trigger new tantrum).

no shouting, all delivered very simply in clear and firm voice.

do exactly the same thing every time. it all goes to shit if you mix it up or other caregivers do something different.