What to do for the best..... PT 3.4 yr-old dilemma?

[Acinonyx]

Dd is 3.4 and not PT. She goes to a CM 3 days/week. CM puts her in knickers about lunch time and has her sit on the potty 2-3 times before home time at 6. She has occaisionally done something (2 poos in total) but mostly not. Usually she holds it in, comes home, usually flatly refuses to sit on the potty even with bribery, then wets herself, then goes to bed and poos in night nappy which I change.

AT home, I put her in knickers if she agrees - which she generally does, and try to get her on the potty. I am, however, reluctant to take her out in knickers as she is totally untrained and never tells me or admits to needing to go. I espeically don't feel I can take her to someone else's house to wee on their sofa or carpet.

It's not just a case of staying in for a week - I've tried that.

So CM and I were talking this morning about hwo to have more of a similar system at home and at CM. CM thinks I should just take her out in knickers and put her on potty but is it reasonable to take her to someone's house (which we usually do 2-3 times/week) in knickers untrained?? Certainly couldn't go into a soft play for example.

Also, I have a lot more difficulty getting dd onto the potty than CM does (I have more difficulty getting dd to do anything....) and shudder at the thought of having this battle at someone's house.

I just don't know what to do for the best. I don't think dd sits on the potty often enough (she's no keener on the toilet and we only have one upstairs, like CM). I just don't know if trying to where knickers all the time is teh way to go right now. She holds her poo in so much she gets constipated.

Sounds very confusing your DD is probably confused too
Either do pullups or do pants - don't mix and match
Changing her to knickers at lunchtime makes no sense

My feeling is that she should stay in pullups until she is sitting on the potty more regularly and actually doing something in it.

But maybe that's wrong? CM thinks being in knickers will encorouge her to use the potty. Sounds plausable but it's not happening - she's no more likely to sit on the potty wearing knickers than she is in pullups. She doesn't seem to care about accidents .

So what would you do - go completely to knickers or completley pullups????

I don't think you can face the hassle yet so I say go for pullups

how about compromising with trainer pants? the waterproof ones?

All or nothing, you're confusing her. How about choosing a date after xmas and just go for it. Talk to her about when it will happen. She is the same age as my DS2 and we did a big build up to him not using a bottle at night, and it worked a treat, not complaints

(we did invent a bottle fairy that rang him on the phone, he would do anything she said, he loved her.... she still pops up now and again if all else fails )

We've decided to go for it and ditch the day-time nappies but keep night pullups for now.

I've got some trainer pants for times when we have to go to someone's house or similar and really don't want her to make a monster mess.

The big problem we learned today is that she is scared of letting anything out on the potty. She will sit on the potty and she will wee in her knickers (or on the floor, or the sofa....) but she will not wee in the potty (or the toilet). She holds it all day and has inumerable small accidents and one or two huge ones. I remember this from the last attempt - it makes being out of the house unmanageable.

We'll see how it goes but I don't think it's going to be quick.

I'm going to get shouted at now but.....
we have used choc buttons!!!
DD2 (at xmas) started showing the signs of wanting to train. I knew she was a little young but put my full heart into it for a week. Pants all the way, toddlers, nursery, school run. She was fab for the first week about 4 accidents in a whole week then it to pot! so i bribed her for wee/poo on the potty/toilet she can have a choc button. She was trying to use the wee as a control thing over us. Fingers crossed its worked this week!! good Luck

I've already given in and done the choccy button/jelly bean thing to get her on the potty at all. When she doesn't want to use the potty there is no bribe that will work (I've tested this thoroughly!).

I am a bit at this. Why don't you have people around to yours instead? Even if you have to stay in for a month - your DD will be potty trained - priorities!

I started potty training my ds towards end of oct as turned 3. He was confused by pull ups so i went cold turkey on the pants issue. 1st couple of weeks were awful and for a least first week he had no idea at all what he was doing. We still went out i just took plenty of clothes. Once you've dealt with an accident it doesn't seem so bad. Discuss it with friends 1st to see how they feel about visits but i can't imagine being cross with a friend because their toddler had had an accident myself! My ds has been accident free for about 10 days now (it took about 4 weeks). I would highly recomend potette plus for out and about. Good luck

I had terrible trouble with DS2 who was very resistant to using the potty and, as he was big for his age and he didn't really fit, we went straight to the toilet.

Have you tried skipping potties and trying her on the toilet at all for your DD? She might prefer it or she might not too but it is worth a go.

I've tried the toilet but it's no better and also difficult as we only have one upstairs loo. I have a potette. Having one or two accidents and changing clothes is fine - but it's the constant stream of little accidents that is hard to deal with.

''Once you've dealt with an accident it doesn't seem so bad.'' I've dealt with a lot of accidents. It's when they come every 10-20 minutes that it becomes unmanagable. I used to think she had no bladder control but now I realise this happens because she is trying hold the main event too long. Constipation is also a worry - this is the main reason I have wanted to wait - I get anxious when she holds her poo in.

Taking a toddler to visit who is having a few accidents during PT is one thing - but a child who isn't using the potty at all and is absolutely bound to have accidents is a different thing.

'Even if you have to stay in for a month - your DD will be potty trained - priorities!' I agree - I just really hate it and it isn't really possible to stay in entirely. I tried having people over last time and we had some 'incidents' which while funny the first time I don't think I would risk again (just don't ask...).

Apologies if you felt i was making things seem trivial and i DO appreciate how demoralising it is. My DS had accident after accident after accident at first and drinks all day long so there was a lot of it (he can 3/4 fill a potty so you can imagine!). If you don't feel ready to deal with it maybe it would be best to leave it a while because i honestly think how you feel about it yourself matters too. To begin with i thought I'd made a huge mistake but stuck with it and it clicked in weeks 3 and 4. I'm sure he'll still have odd accident but it was worth sticking at it. Only you know whats right for you and DD at the moment.

I think we have to stick with it this time. I'm also realising that choosing to PT late is not really compatible with using childcare.

You need to tell your childminder what routine your doing at home so she can do the same hopefully.
I'm sure your DD will get the hang of it. I also don't change them straight away so they know what it feels like to be wet. No fuse for accidents just explain (USE THE BLOODY POTTY!!! IM SICK OF WASHING!!!) darling try and have a little sit on your lovely big girl potty and see if you could do some more for mummy.Big praise (sweets, money, holidays, cars, cash) and cuddles and kisses for even entertaining the idea of any wet stuff hitting the plastic!!! Good luck hun.

I bet i can beat your embarrasing stories whilst visiting. DD had a poo on and walked all over my best friends Bible. (the Next catalogue). Wee'd on her son just changed bed and through the plastic materess protector. Wee'd everywhere in her house!!! Got home and went on her potty for the rest of the day!!! PS Best mate and I are still talking but she's coming to mine next week for lunch lol.

ENJOYx