Devastated that my maternity leave is ending!

[waiting4bambino]

I may sound a bit of a drama queen here, but i am so upset that my maternity leave is ending next week and that i have to leave my baby to go back to work.
To rationalise it, she is going to be cared for by family, so she'll be fine, but she clings to me so much, and it seems like i'm having two long days taken away from me, i'll literally be putting her to bed after i've collected her, she may even have her last feed given to her by my parents! I can't stand the thought of that.
All this week i keep thinking, this time next week, i'll be in work, i look at her and cry sometimes. I just feel like something i waited for my whole life has come to an end. Someone else will be parenting her whilst i'm at work, and i can't stand the thought of that, even though its only my family. I'm worried that their house isnt clean enough cos they have pets, i worry that she'll pick up habits from them, that they will spoil her with little treats etc, that they will impose their rules on her - not such an issue at this young age etc but could be in the future, i'm literally worried about everything. I need her as much as she needs me, but i also need money!
Am i over reacting? Anyone else in the same boat?

Hi,

I feel for you. I was initially going to go back to work when DS is 9 months old and yup, he's 9 months in a few days and I am still at home. But I have organised CC for him so I will be going back to work in Feb (when he's almost a year old) but suddenly it seems very real as I have had to put down deposit for CM etc. I'm not exactly looking forward to going back to work either. However, I do remember loving my job so fingers crossed there. You are very lucky that your family is looking after her! You know she will be loved and that is the most important! I actually have the option to be a SAHM but I don't think I can do it right now. On good days, I love my DS so much. On bad days, I just wish I could have a bit of my old life back. I know this is parenting in general but still...

I want to go back to work and give it a good go and see how I feel. And I know I always have the option to stay at home if I wanted to. Is there anything else you can do from home that could make up for the income you are getting from your job? I know a lot of mums that sell cards, books, cosmetics etc as their work so they could stay home. Why don't you give it a month or two and see how you feel at the end of it all? That will give you opportunity to look at other money-making opportunities that will allow you to stay at home? I don't think you are over-reacting, I think everyone will have different reactions to going back to work but you do sound very anxious. Can you address some of your worries to your parents? Take care.

Ax

I was exactly the same when had to go back to work when DS was 6 months old - it helped that I had a wonderful nanny that I'd found to look after him and could see she loved him and he trusted her. He just looked so little on that first day when I went to work and I was heartbroken at leaving him - turns out he was absolutely fine all day without me though and it was lovely seeing his huge smile and arms being held out to me for a huge hug when I came home in the evenings. Now he's a 2.7 year old and he comes running out into the hallway to greet me when I get home with a big kiss and hug and description of what he did with his day.

It is harder for the mum than the baby - your child will be fine as long as they are loved and cared for by someone they, and you, trust. And you'll get into a routine that works for you. Am v at you only having to work 2 days a week - I had to go back full time 5 days a week. You will still have plenty of quality time, and fun, with your child on your days at home.

Thanks for your reply Angel, believe me, i have looked into all manner of money making schemes in order for me not to go back to work! I'm looking for a local job now, something closer to home even if its a day extra but shorter shifts etc - when i go back i'll be doing two days of ten till six, and with travelling time there and back its more like 10 hours away from my baby.
I've even had sickness and diarrhoea because of the thought of it. I'm not worried that anything will happen to her, its just i waited a long time to become a mum and now it seems the baby part of it is over and i have to get back to reality. I just think, i am the best carer for her.
There arent any jobs i could do from home really that would give me enough money. We don't live an outrageously exotic lifestyle, its just we need to earn a certain amount for bills and the only luxuries we get is a holiday a year and the odd takeaway. My husband's wage alone couldnt take care of all our bills, therefore, i have to face going back! Arrgh!

Oh dear, I feel for you. I find that it makes it easier to think that his days away from me will be adventures and learning experiences in their own right. My DS will be going to a lovely CC for 2 days a week (that is all she can do!). And then a really nice nursery for another 2 days. My DS is a social thing and loves going to baby groups so I am happy he will get personal attention and care for 2 days while for the other 2 days, he will have a group of children to play with. You will still have 5 days out of the week with her, that is a real luxury (my work won't let me work any less days... ) IF you do back to work and you REALLY can't do it, I am sure you will find a way for you to stay at home. Your DD will be developing a really close relationship with her GPs, that's really important and I think you should think of it as a gift to her. My grandmother brought me up (my mother wasn't the mothering sort and wanted to work) and my relationship with her is very special...

I share your pain. I go back to work, full in a few weeks, when ds will be 11mo. I'm the main breadwinner, so no option but to work. But I'm having nightmares about it already. I've known the whole year what would happen, but it gets harder and harder the nearer it gets

OTOH, I know as ds gets older, I want to set him the example of that earning your own living is important, I want him to grow into a strong independent individual, and this is a step towards that. I keep trying to think of it this way, but I'm still lying awake at night wishing it didn't have to be this way

Sorry not to write anything more positive!

Think of the positives rather than the negatives. You only have to do two days a week, some mums have to work full time to pay the bills.

Your child will grow up close to her granndparents, so what if they give her treats - thats part of their role. Children always remember the nice things in life and being spoilt by a grandparent is part of that.

Of course they will have their own rules, no different to any childcare or school setting so its something you will always encounter.

Once you've been back a few months and settled into a routine you'll be fine.

I know i'll probably look back in a few months time and say it wasnt so bad, but just the thought of leaving her for 10 hrs a day breaks my heart. But i'd rather get work over with in two long days than extend it into any more days etc, and also to save on travel expenses..
MamaChris, don't worry about being negative! We can't help the way we feel...