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DD 10 complete lack of confidence in certain situations

5 replies

remote · 19/11/2008 20:07

DD has always been a little bit shy and timid when it comes to interacting with people she doen;t know that well.

She's not painfully shy but she does hate anything that creates a fuss or puts her in the spotlight. (She once spent a whole day at school with a fever and sore throat as she didn't want to tell the supply teacher she felt unwell).

However, this is starting to make her miserable.

For instance, they have been put in to groups for an IT prjoect, taking photos to depict bullying. She is crying at the moment because the kids in her group messed around for the whole lesson today and all the photos they took were of them pulling faces. She is now worried they will all get in to trouble for not getting it done. She won't speak up to the kids or the teacher for fear of being ridiculed. (I'm sure she's no angel BTW and I know she has her moments of messing around when she's with her friends).

I have explained this is all part of trying to get on with other people and working as part of a team.

The problem is, once she gets in this kind of head space, she becomes totally negative and has a reason why every suggestion you make won't work. She has been like this on and off ever since she started school.

I am not the type of parent who wades in and goes to the teacher for every little thing - I would much rather help her find the skills to sort these things out for herself.

Help!!!!! Do you think some people are 'natural born worriers'? She is very similar to my MIL who is anxious and worried about almost everything. I have tried very hard to show DD that this is not a constructive behaviour. And what's weird is, get her on the football pitch or doing something she is ggod at and you would think she'd had a personality transplant!!! (I know it's not that weird, it's her comfort zone but honestly she couldn't be more different than she is at this moment!)

Sorry it's long - thanks if you read this far!

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
remote · 19/11/2008 21:03

Bump!

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myfeethurt · 19/11/2008 21:15

does she do any out of school acivities that may boost her confidence? My dd is very similar (won't speak in certain situations, she did a course at a drama club Helen o'grady and has also started pony club which i'm sure have boosted hr confidence and brought her out of herself

remote · 19/11/2008 21:27

She does a couple - football and is also having group guitar lessons. She also went to a dancing school aged 3 to 7 and did shows, exams etc. It seems to come in phases. Maybe it's to do with growth spurts or something?

I thought drama might help but she doesn't want to go.

Thanks for the advice.

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NotBigJustBolshy · 19/11/2008 21:40

My dd has/ has had similar issues. All the hormonal turmoil that is brewing now with puberty isn't helping tbh. I second the suggestion of out of school confidence-building activities - possibly some sort of outdoor activities/outward bound course where your dd meets some positive role models? My dd started sailing in the summer; it hasn't always been easy, but she has met some brilliant people and developed some new skills. She is v. impressed by the teenage female assistant instructors and they set her a really good example. This has helped her to become more assertive in general. No magic solution, but we keep plodding on.

remote · 19/11/2008 22:25

Thanks Bolshy - outdoorsy things do sound good - she is quite sporty so might enjoy something like that. I did wonder about hormones too - she is starting to be aware of things like periods and her body changing - I guess it's all unsettling.

My baby is growing up - weep!

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