What would you do dd had a tantrum and pushed the cat off the back of the sofa and thrown nailvarnish downstairs covering the walls and carpet.

[twinsetandpearls]

Dd just had a fallout with dp, who in my opinion was baiting her. I have not said this to dd.

DD then threw a pencil in a tantrum so I sent her to her room to calm down as could see that a big clash with dp was on its way and both are as stubborn as each other.

On the way out of the room she walked over to the cat picked it up and dropped it onto the sofa. I told her she would not be coming down out of her room tonight.

She then screamed in rage all the way upstairs and threw an opened bottle of nail varnish down the stairs. It is now all over the walls and carpet.

When dd calmed down she said she just gets angry and can't help herself.

She has quite scared me as when I am depressed i have rages and she looked and sounded just like me. I feel so guilty that this is my fault.

WE have just moved and have potentially huge financial problems, this will be adding to dd streess not to mention leaving all her extended famikly and friends. Until recently dp and I were also on the verge of splitting up. Her father has also just left her step mother and her stepbrother.

How do you balance punishing what is naughty with undestanding why she is acting this way.

But Mmelindt I would imagine that his household was just like you describe you do as you are told or else.

maybe you should all just leave it for now, sleep on it, tomorrow is another day and so on?

I have left it for tonight dd has been in her room since it happened and she would be in bed by now. No point at all talking to do tonight.

It is so sad though, Twinset. You say that he is great with her, but he obviously struggles to find the right way of dealing with her.

Does he have anyone that he can talk to? A friend who is a parent and could see it from a neutral position.

lo tsap, I'm a teacher too but I have said similar to DH before (also a teacher!) - I think it is a man thing, wanting to win even when competing against a 7yo

lol even

He is great with her but he seems to have an issue generally witb needing to be right and will snap at anyone , me, dd, the postman who suggests otherwise. But other than that he is a fantastic parent if a little soft.

He does not know many other Dads, espcially as we are new to the area. I think I do need to make some other parents friends. he also has no family anymore so again noone to talk to.

I don't think he was 'baiting' her and tbh I think her behaviour was not good (esp the nailvarnish) even if he was being stubborn and irritating. It IS annoying when a child persists in arguing that black is white - it annoys me!
It is a shame that you have all ended up like this tonight. I hope you can forgive your dh and that you can all have a happy start tomorrow. Nobody has done anything that terrible, but the nailvarnish would absolutely madden me as the result is such a mess even if a furious child didn't fully anticipate it.

Mabanana I can see what you are saying as it annoys the hell out of me when a child says black is white.

But I just know this would not have happened with me, I would have said to her lets google it, or lets look in a book togther rather than bicker about it.

I am not saying that dd was not in the wrong. She is having a few days in her room.

perhaps some of this is just normal family life - people behaving imperfectly (ok, badly) and so on? you do say he is usually very good with her

He is usually very good with her, he has been an arse to me, hence me almost leaving. his behaviour towards me was IMO close to bullying. Again it was happening if I contradicted him or suggested he was not right.

Do people in normal families push cats and chuck nail varnish?

Yes, they absolutely do! It is normal. Dads bicker with daughters, mums feel cross with dads, cats get thrown...life isn't the Waltons. Tomorrow is another day.

ack, re the 'few days in her room' I know you are joking, but seriously, forget it and start again tomorrow.

I don't know, my family is probably not very normal (there's just me and my 3 girls, well we do have 3 cats and a dog but they push each other around!)

am not trying to minimise how upsetting it was, just wanted to say something positive - it seems fairly normal for most people to do and say horrible things at times

I actually was not joking about a few days in her room. She will go to school obviously but it was going to be homework, tea bath room.

YOu know, I think that is really excessive. She was cross. She threw something. That is totally normal. I really think days of punishment is wrong for a child of only seven (or any age really). I think she's had her punishment. Does she often throw things?

I agree with mabanana on the punishment, it seems a bit too harsh to me.

My DD is 6.5yo and I would rather ban TV for a day than make her stay in her room, and certainly not for longer than 30 mins.

The first object that was thrown I would have been happy with time out. I understood that was in temper.

But to push an animal go upstairs is very wrong and she needs to know this. She waited a few moments before throwing the nail varnish as well. She also opened it to cause maximum damage.

She has covered my hallway and carpet in nail varnish, she understands this is a house we are renting and we need to be careful.

But in reality it will not be that long, she gets home from school about 4pm. She does her chores and homework till about 5pm. I get home about half five and we make tea. By the time she has had tea and had a bath it will be half six. She will then go straight to her room rather than have an hour with dp and I.

We don;t watch much TV to ban.

I am not saying her behaviour is good. I actually said it wasn't. But days in her room is not appropriate, I think. Really I do.

Dd is 7.5 and a very mature 7.5 year old.

Maybe she will have one evening in her room.

But it wont be days, she is out all day at school and then busy early evening. It will mean she will miss out on the hour we have together playing games etc.

I x-posted but I still, I'm afraid, feel that this is too long and drawn out. Given the stress you are all under, I htink a talking too, perhaps withdrawal of pocket money and then just forget it and start again. Dragging it out will make you all miserable.