What do you do when your toddler hits you?

[HaventSleptForAYear]

DS2 driving me to distraction at present, hitting me everytime he can't have something etc. but then holding out arms for a cuddle straight afterwards.

Am at a loss. I have tried the "how to talk" angle to death ("you're very cross with mummy aren't you"....)

I don't remember DS1 being this violent but DS2 is more frustrated (more things he can't have/do with a big brother around).

And I think he's inherited my short fuse

Sorry, forgot to put his age, he will be 2 at end of January.

Ds, 2.4, does this to his daddy and to a lesser extent to me.
He does it to his dad so much because he goes mental, ie: he gets a reaction, whereas I tend to say 'that's not nice' then move away from him or put him in the other room on his own for a few minutes.
Different things work for different families, so try a few methods I suppose?
I'll be watching this with interest - you have my utmost sympathy - it is infuriating.

Yes I think I need to try the "that's not nice" thing and try to stay calm but it's hard when he just carries on hitting for me.

It's true he probably gets more of a rise out of me than anyone else.

We have a bit of a love-hate relationship at the moment

My middle child broke my nose kicking me in a shoe shop, she didn't want the shoes, aged 2, she clawed her dad's face had skin under her nails, was an absolute nightmare.
She is the most pleasant, well mannered delightful girl you could hope to meet now she's 6.
I know this isn't much help but it's fustration because he can't communicate his needs and it's worse for him than you but it passes.
I just used to try and get between the blow and my face most of the time to stop me getting hurt and say NO in a firm voice. Sometimes it worked, mostly it didn't.

Sometimes when ds2 (2 and a bit) tries to hit me I pretend he was doing a high-five. So I grin and entusiastically shout high-five and intercept the slap with my high-five IYSWIM

Good idea Wallace.

KatieDD - you are right, DS1 had some horrific tantrums and I literally could not deal with him sometimes but he is now the gentlest child ever.

Am hoping DS2 turns out like that but he feels like such a bruiser at the moment.

DS goes into time out. (he's 2.7) when he was younger though and wouldn't sit on his own and stay still i use to sit on the floor, out him on my lap and hold my arms around him so that he couldn't get up, and turn my head away. no talking for the minute he sat on my lap, then, as now, he has to say sorry for whatever he's done. Now if he does it again after time out he loses whatever is his favourite toy at that moment until bedtime.

My DD does this and scratching too. She's 17 months. I don't think she realises it hurts.
She does it when tired and frustrated mainly, so it's usually a sign that she's ready for bed / nap.

I say "don't hit mummy it hurts" and put her down (if she's on my knee) or walk away. And pretend to look upset/hurt.

For aggresive behaviour I am always very strict! I think it is best to hava a zero tolerance policy for aggressive behaviour and if my dd hits me (she will be 3 in feb) I will tell her that it is not nice to hit mummy however angry she is feeling and will ask for an appology, if I get one then fine we move on if not and she continues to hit me then it is straight to time out or if we are out I will remove her to another place ignore her (as much as possible) then go back after a couple of mins and tell her again what it is she has done wrong and that I would like an applogy. I am very supernanny! It does work though as dd understands that there is a clear choice to be made and a consequence to her actions. It is really rare for her these days to hit me infact can't remember the last time she did and to my knowledge has never hit anyone else. Xx

saying that he is a very caring child and doesn't hit or kick very often. i think it helps when they start to talking quite well as they can tell you what's wrong, what they want rather than getting frustrated.

say as calmly as i can manage "we don't hit each other" and sit her down on the floor away from the victim. every single time. i don't think "how to talk" is really approriate for under 2s

Yes we are desperate for him to be able to communicate better - so far only a few words so he is very frustrated.

It's more lashing out from anger than actually trying to hurt me.

When I put him down though he comes straight back at me hanging off me "mama mama mama".

DD doesn't hit much, but if she does I say no, move away from her and just take attention off her for a minute, so that she doesn't associate attention with hitting. Then I tell her that we don't hit, but that she can pat or stroke, and take her hand and show her. Works reasonably well, but she's not terribly hitty anyway, tbh.

Ds (20 mths) does this mainly through frustration or when he's tired. I say "no" firmly, and walk away from him. He was doing it to other kids quite a bit, I think just out of curiosity. He's getting a lot better as his speech improves though.

I would put him/her in their bedroom after explaining extremely firmly that it is not ok to hit anyone, ever. Then I would make them say sorry and give them a cuddle once they'd apologised. 2 is a bit young for 'you're very cross with mummy aren't you' imo although worth a go when they are older.

If he comes back saying 'mama mama mama' I would put him back out of the room until you think he really understands why he's been put out of the way. They learn pretty quickly what happens if they hit then.

My ds has always been easily frustrated but got better the more his speech improved. However he still has his moments (he is now 5) - and actually takes himself to his room from time to time nowadays.

ds did this recently, and he is the same age - 2 at the end of jan. I tried talking to him, saying no dont hurt mummy etc, removing him from the room for time out (he found that hilarious).
In the end, all that worked was removing myself from the room - he hit me, I said 'that hurts me, you dont hit mummy' and left the room for about 10 sec. When I came back in, I acted as if everything was ok, treated him as normal. but if he hit me, out I went again.
He got the message in a few goes.
good luck - it is horrible being the one who gets hit!!

My Ds did this and while I did the time out stuff for general bad behaviour, I did have a zero tolerance of hitting - I didn't shout but I did do a different sort of telling off. I usually get down to his level when he's been naughty but when he hit I'd stand over him more , to sort of emphasis my dominance (mummy gorilla!) and be really firm. It took about 6 weeks but he stopped. The problem is that if he hits it means you can't say 'stop doing x' without him hitting and it then becoming a telling off about hitting rather than whatever the original misdemeanour was.

I was about to post something similar. My Ds (also 2 at end of jan!!) is totally battering me!!

He is constantly hitting, tangoing and headbutting me.It's all very affectionate though, it's not because he's frustrated or angry.

Not sure what to do about it.

wallace your approach just cracked me up, will have to try it

'very affectionate though' hmm sounds it

My DD is 20 months, and since she was 1 my stock response whenever she does anything wrong has been 'That's no no no.'

One of those totally ungrammatical things you find yourself saying to your child by accident, but it seems to get over in as simple and basic a way as possible that whatever she's doing is out of bounds, without provoking the amusement that an angry 'No!' often does.

Children under 2 seem to have a bit of a flaky concept of 'hurt,' (or at least as it applies to other people!) but on the other hand they are very into classifying things, and that's probably the way they view out-of-bounds behaviour. There are things I can do and things I can't do, just like there are buses and cars, or men and women.

When I was trying to impress upon DD a month ago that pushing her cousin was out of order, for the next week or so she would keep running through her relatives' names, and adding - push? Like - can I push Daddy? Granny? Grandpa? Or maybe she was asking if they were allowed to push. (Often now when I have to manhandle her into doing something, she looks at me reproachfully and says 'Mummy push!')

It is though. He launches himself at me to give me a cuddle and follows through with a headbut and tries to give me a pat on the cheek, but is just a bit too over enthusiastic!

You say in a VERY firm voice "You do not hit mummy (or whoever). We do not hit people.

Then get DS to say sorry give you a cuddle, kiss it better etc. Do this every time he hits.

I think Ratbunny's approach could work.

I have been doing the "you do not hit mummy/brother" thing for ages (I have a pretty stern teacher voice!) and I really don't think time-out with him hanging off me would work.

I think time-out for me would be perfect!

I think once they get older it's slightly easier to tell them off and for them to understand.

What DS2 wants most right now is me, so removing myself would be right I think.

Thanks