I need to start again

[imnotmamagbutshelovesme]

With quite a few of my posts I get the feeling I am doing lots wrong with my children. I know why, and TBH I don't want to post my life story, but I am looking for normal/usual/what's the word? things that I really ought to know about being a parent but don't because I have no family or friends to help me and didn't grow up with a fmaily.

I will take everything on board, and try not to get upset, but please be gentle as I am having a difficult time atm.

I need to go and wrap some presents and have some lunch so it might be a while before I am back.

Thank you.

mamag, you haven't really asked a question so I can't answer, but you sound very down on yourself.

Don't be! Address the things you find difficult, and I will try to help. Hell I'm just muddling through myself.

I dont know your other posts, but imho, There is no right way. If your children are loved fed and clothed they have everything they need.
Trust your instincts and how your DC respond to you.
Sorry you are having a hard time of it

Whatever you are doing "wrong", you can put a lot right by making an hour a day just for them. Say, give them a nice relaxing bathtime with you sitting chatting to them, then warm milk and stories in bed making sure they know that that is the time to tell you any of their fears/hopes/worries/dreams and they have your undivided attention.

Don't beat yourself about doing things wrong, as you put, we all do things wrong and lurch from one problem to the next!

We can help if you are more specific but as everyone says - dont be too hard on yourself.

What is the exact problem?

I don't think anyone has the magic answer to parenting, seriously. It's a learn-on-the-job kind of deal

But I guess there are the essentials of which we all need...

Such as feeling loved and cared for - which for children requires consistentsy and boundaries, in order to feel safe and secure

And shelter and nourishment

And to be protected from harm

Those kind of things are the obvious things to me. But if you're talking about how to manage a tantrum/bedtime/playing/food/dealing with backchat sort of stuff then I really think a lot of it's trial and error

Sorry you're having a rough time atm

I did a parenting course recently run by a local church at our school. I was amazed at the range of parents turning up saying 'my beloved dc is a complete nightmare at home and I need help to get back in control'.

Sometimes, you might feel like a bad mum because you're the only one admitting when you get it wrong.

I had small arguement with ds1 this morning about the way that he was putting his coat on (fgs, why did it matter that he was putting it on slighty slower than I wanted him to!) and was still fuming about it on the way to work when the car conked out as I'd run out of petrol. So distracted by my bad parenting I'd forgottent that dh had reminded me that car low on petrol... If I hadn't picked a useless arguement with ds1 I'd prob have remembered blah blah. Not sure who I will tell this to, apart from you of course!

I suspect that you are not doing anywhere near as badly as you fear. My tip is to sit down with your children and agree what is acceptable behaviour from you all (ds1 agreed he'd try harder in certain areas if I'd try to stop shouting at him so much

i think you need a confidence boost.we all do things differently-not always right but not always wrong.i dont know your background so cannot comment on you.ive been going to a parenting group and its so nice to hear that im not the only one who finds it hard at times.sometimes is silly things,sometimes its bigger things and i just dont know whats 'normal'.

Hey, we can all be a bit paranoid about whether or not we are doing it "right". Being a parent is a huge responsibility, but do you know what? If your child/ren are fed, warm, clean and loved then you're already doing a fab job.
There is no right or wrong way though. For example if my 15mo does something I find unacceptable, like throws things, hits someone or does a high pitched scream for no reason, I'll tell him off. I have a friend that won't tell off her 2 year old if she's tired.
We all do things so differently and it's not about what's right, it's about what you are happy with.

try spending 5 mins a day really playing and focusing on your child - 5 solid minutes by the clock. Then don't sweat the other 23 hours and 55 minutes.

Thank you all

Never expected to have so many replies.

The very basic things that my children have that I never have include

Mum
Dad
One place to live
Shoes and clothes that fit
Food and drink when they need it
Cuddles every day

So some things I am getting right.

I also know that if I shout and get cross, they seem to behave more annoyingly and when I try and stay calm and confident in what I say, they respond much better.

well it sounds like your doing a bloody good job then!

That sounds perfect to me. You are getting the important things right. Anyone that says they don't lose their rag with the kids every now and again is a big fat liar.