Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

Original poster

day off work

13 replies

moochiemoo · 14/11/2008 22:05

Hello, I have a 15 mth old ds and have started back to work a few months ago. the thing is that i work 4 days a week and i have been leaving my ds in the nursery on my day off. now im not lying up at home watching telly - as soon as i drop her off im into tesco getting groceries and then home to put them away then get stuck into the housework from top to bottom. by the time 1.00 or 2.00 comes im completely exhausted but i pick her up from nursery at that time anyway and then we have a bit of time before dh gets home.

my reasoning is this: she has settled really well at nursey and loves it, she has thrived from the day i left her in and surely she will be happier there on that day rather then stuck in a trolley in tesco and then me trying to clean around her. it also means when i get home from work all the other days i have the whole evening dedicated to her. also i have a medical condition - crohns disease and am on heavy medication - and find that if i take too much out of myself i take ill. and and im no good to anyone when im sick

obviously if im up to date on the hw and groceries then we spend the day together.

however - no matter how many times i tell myself the reasoning above, i still feel incredibly guilty and im actually starting to get a lump in my throat on those days leaving her in. also someone in work (who has no kids) made a comment about it - but then another one said she would do the same, only leave her child in the whole day!!!

ds is a brilliant child and we have an amazing relationship but im just wondering if anyone else has any thoughts on this...

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Thankyouandgoodnight · 14/11/2008 22:16

Yes - keep her in for the whole day - do your jobs in the morning and have a leisurely lunch / read a book / have a bath in the afternoon. Time for you is REALLY important.

CatRace · 14/11/2008 22:16

Same here, DS is in playgroup on the morning of my day "off" so I can rush around the house - don't even have time to go into town.

Do you work full days or just mornings on the other days?

snigger · 14/11/2008 22:17

I've never been in this position, but I can absolutely see your reasoning - I have been on the other side of the fence, battling the attention-seeking needs of dds whilst despairingly mopping and wiping and attempting to provide enough clean underwear for the coming week.... if it gives you breathing space, and will allow you more actual time with ds, what's the harm, provided you yourself feel happy with the decision? If your other real alternative is to stick him in front of CBeebies in order to get on with the neccessary tasks, I'd say you're probably doing the right thing.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

Acinonyx · 14/11/2008 22:21

Sounds fine to me. It would be different if your dc was unsettled at nursery. I totally understand your health issues too - you must take care of yourself.

lenaw · 14/11/2008 22:24

I used to take a day off work every couple of months and go shopping... Remember feeling guilty and wonderful all at the same time (oh how great it is to go through racks of stuff in tkmaxx ). Would deffo not be the same if my DD was there fretting in her pram. And I remember going food shopping with her in a trolley, had to buy her My Little Pony every time to keep her happy (got 43 ponies now). Still had had quite a few tantrums - you know when you are trying to pretend to be calm and collected and it's not my trolley or it was the very last trolley available and that screaming monster was already there.
Would you not feel guilty dragging your DD all over the shops when she will be better off nicely playing at the nursery? I did.
If I can have a day off... I would do shopping online, drop my daughter off and snuggle up in bed! Please please don't be so hard on yourself!

blinks · 14/11/2008 22:29

ohhhhhh be kind to yourself... don't waste time feeling guilty. it's gets you nowhere.

childless colleague is without wisdom, silly moo.

Original poster

moochiemoo · 14/11/2008 22:29

thanks for your prompt replies they have made me feel so much better.

CATRACE - i work 9 - 4 the other days and every 2nd sat 9-12. so its not like i can do the stuff on a sat!! cos i find i run like billio home from work to see her and hubby of course. i love my sat off and we always have special time together like trips to the local farm and park.

OP posts:

cat64 · 14/11/2008 22:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Poppychick · 15/11/2008 07:45

I would feel guilty too but would do same given half a chance. What else can you do? I have a cleaner now so I can spend a bit more time with the children on my day off.

PerkinWarbeck · 15/11/2008 07:57

When DD was at nursery I would take a day off once in a while and still send her to nursery. She was well-settled, and so perfectly content. I would send her for a slightly shorted day though (10-4 instead of 8-5).

I would usually do chores in the morning, and relax after lunch!

I agree that this gets chores out of the way that you would otherwise be doing when your DD is there, so allows you to enjoy your time together a bit more. And as we had no family nearby at the time I refused to feel guilty for having a wee break once every month or two. In fact, it's one of the thing I miss while I'm a temporary SAHM.

rookiemater · 15/11/2008 11:46

I don't know a lot about Crohns, but it sounds like its important that you work within your limits and you know what those are and have structured your life accordingly. I would say though that it seems a little unfair that you have to do all the house hold chores in addition to working practically full time.

I work 4 days a week too and have to say that I really enjoy my day with DS on our own. We pay for a cleaner to come 3 hours a week and quite often get our groceries delivered rather than having to do a big shop. I know its expensive, but probably not as much as nursery for a day.

I certainly don't want to make you feel guilty as it sounds as if you are doing everything you can to keep things running smoothly, but just wondered if you had considered this as an alternative plan.

Original poster

moochiemoo · 15/11/2008 13:09

hi rookiemater- well first of all the nursery that dd goes to charges the same for 5 days as 4, so its not costing me any extra money that way. when i was arranging my hours for going back to work i had discussed the 'day off' with dh and he was all for leaving her in the nursey so i could get everything done, dont get me wrong if i ask for dh to do something he will do it but when i get home from work in the evenings and we get dinner over us and spend time with dd then get her to bed, the last thing i want to do is haul the hoover out.

i have thought of getting groceries delivered and think i will try it out this week maybe, but im not sure about a cleaner, i would love it- think there would be nothing better than getting home from work and all the floors and bathrooms cleaned, but i dont think dh would go for it....

OP posts:

bruces · 15/11/2008 15:08

moochiemoo all i can say is that i'm very envious of you, my last dd currently goes nursery for 21/2 hours i run home and do one or two quick jobs then dash back and pick her up,next year when she goes full time to school i'll probably do 4days compared to the three i do now,but that one day will be to do housework etc or have a child free lunch with friends,internet shopping for me is fantastic and even though you pay for delivery it's saved us money on comics and the stress of tantrums, keep sending ds to mursery.

Flip